Finally, A T-Shirt For the Rest of Us

Have your publicist send one to Arianna.

I Did Not Blog [CafePress]
Earlier: Today’s Second Best Catchphrase: I Did Not Blog

READ MORE: arianna huffington, cafepress, catchphrases, clooney, george clooney, huffpo, i did not blog, t-shirts

Today’s Second-Best Catchphrase: “I Did Not Blog”

So, let’s try to reconstruct this: At the post-Good Night and Good Luck cocktail party, Arianna makes friendly with George, and they’re both very charming, so they hit it off, Arianna asks George to “write a blog” for her, and George says, “of course, Arianna, anything for you,” and they arrange for her seconds to call on his seconds, or whatever rich people do instead of writing numbers on cocktail napkins.

Some time passes, no one can get George to sit still long enough to “write a blog,” so an arrangement is made through his publicist in which the HuffPo can run Clooney interview excerpts. Then, due to a bit of poor communication on everyone’s end (read: publicist didn’t tell Clooney what was agreed to in his name, HuffPo didn’t make it clear it’d be running with his byline), a post seemingly written by Clooney runs, to a pretty even combination of derision and rapturous joy. Now, things are getting a bit ugly.

But here’s the untold story: That screening Arianna mentions happened the same night that our boss, Nick Denton, threw Arianna a party at his stylish-but-tasteful SoHo loft. And we happen to know, having attended said party, that there was a shitload of free champagne (“free” = “in lieu of actual benefits”). Which explains just how Arianna could’ve so completely misunderstood George — she was wasted! Simple misunderstanding, happens to the best of us.

(It’s a pretty handy excuse, Arianna — we use it all the time. You’re welcome.)

Clooney to Arianna: I Did Not Blog [Style and Scenes/LAT]
On George Clooney’s Blog [HuffPo]
Gawker Party for Arianna Huffington [Ambrel]
Related: Clooneygate Update: Clooney Deblogged [Defamer]
ClooneyGate: Actor Declares, “I Am Not a Blogger” [Defamer]

READ MORE: arianna huffington, blogs, catchphrases, celebrities, george clooney, huffpo, parties, top

Federal Appeals Court Rules Against the Invasive Probing of American Citizens

It’s a good thing that we get to enjoy the pony that’s been hidden in slavery, because for the people of Mississippi, it could be a long time before they get to enjoy anything hidden in their vaginas.

A federal appeals court has upheld the dismissal of lawsuit filed by a Rankin County adult store, which challenged the constitutionality of a Mississippi law that bans the sale of sex toys.

You’d think that the free trade of strap-ons would send a powerful message of resolve to the psycho-prudes of the Islamofascist armies. Certainly, this ruling does nothing to comfort the spouses of our fighting men and women, stranded overseas. But, as an upside, maybe Russ Feingold can uncover some useful precedent in this ruling for his battle against lawless and invasive wiretapping.

Fifth Circuit upholds dismissal of sex toy law challenge [Clarion-Ledger]

READ MORE: adele fergusen, appeals court rulings, catchphrases, mississippi, russ feingold, sex toys, the pony in slavery, very very very very poorly thought-out metaphors

Folks, Meet Your New Catchphrase

You know, generally, it’s not worth our time to go after all the insane, barely literate halfwits who write editorials and columns for our nation’s less prestigious papers. ‘Cause, really, it’s shooting fish in a barrel. It’s like sending Robert Christgau to review karaoke night at the Reef. Sure, it’s bad, but who cares — these people are amateurs. But every now and then, one of these lunatics comes up with a column so brilliant, so perfect, so unbalanced, that we must emerge from our decadent coastal enclave and enter the great uncharted middle of the country to bring back to our godless readers the Word. This is one of those columns:

One of these days before I die, I hope to see a shift in the attitudes of so many of my black brothers and sisters in this great country we share, from perpetual victimhood, to pride in their achievements on the road from slave to American citizen.

Remember Ronald Reagan’s story about the kid who had to shovel a huge pile of manure? He went about it with such joy he was asked why and said, “With all that manure, there’s got to be a pony in there somewhere.”

The pony hidden in slavery is the fact that it was the ticket to America for black people.

Oh, if only there were a way to register a spit take in xhtml.

“The pony in slavery,” people. Like the toy in a box of Cap’n Crunch. If Cap’n Crunch were, say, made of poison. And it took several generations and thousands of lives to get to the toy. And then when you got the toy, you weren’t allowed to play with it for another hundred years.

Adele Fergusen, we love you.

Why do blacks continue to support Democrats? [KPBJ]

READ MORE: adele fergusen, catchphrases, fun surprises at the end of each two hundred years of subjegation, holy shit, jeez, louise…, kitsap, no, really, just… wow, race, slavery, the pony in slavery, very very very very poorly thought-out metaphors