Wonkette

Hah! And some people insist that you can't pardy Right Wing Evangelicals! I'd say this video proves them wrong. The Saturday Night Live crew should be commended for this one. Laughed my ass off! I'll have to start watching again because clearly SNL is getting better of late.

I cannot for the life of me find a reason to be on that road.

Q: What's the best thing to come out of Oklahoma?

A: I-35 South

My hypothesis: God planted fossils like the Geneva Convention, the Constitution, and the Magna Carta into the geologic record in order to confuse us and test our faith. Such is intelligent design. Glory!

I don't think that one guy really converted after the laying on of hands....he just totally came all over himself.

World War E (E for Evangelical)

Remember, aim for the head, and pray that Milla Jovovich comes to save us all

If that was the first time he felt something move inside him, methinks he was not really gay.

The only thing the Lord took away from that twink was his sense of fashion.

Christers slip acid in drinks at gay discos, touch you and yell "FIRE!" that is the funniest thing I've ever heard!

how scary is it the way they say "slain in the spirit" and keep a straight face? I can see the appeal, but then it's kind of like mystics prophesied 'Mad Max'and the lyrics of Iron Maiden songs. the whole thing comes off as high camp. go figure.

Isn't I-35 where the bridge collapsed? Let them pray for the fucking infrastructure, not for me to give up porn and vodka.

Nothing compared what is a happening on the side of the road...

Toe-tapping and wide stances in every Pilot RV/Truck Stops, outlet mall, and rest stop.

From Laredo to Duluth...

Except for a few bridge sections of I-35W. The Federal and Minnesota DOT (and conspiracy theorist Paultards) are at odds with biblical prophecy!

I grew up in a town along 1-35. There wasn't much to do besides shout "fire" at teh gays on the weekend.

Does that mean a good old fashioned drunken bi-sex party on the Route 666?

By gum, it's been a long time.

@NicoleItchy: damn you funny person! you stole my comment! you missed something though: "If that was the first time he felt something move inside him, methinks he was not really gay, because he certainly is not a top." oh, and, FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!

"Purity Siege Coordinator" is the most awesome job title ever.

Leave my porn alone, assholes!

These are a few of my favorite things:
1.) The little queen at JR's in Dallas who was "touched by their hands as they yelled fire!" ...sounds like a bad STD, or date with Larry Craig, sugar.
2.) The Christian girl who is so excited about doing these Purity Seizures or whatever the fuck they're calling them that she's practically hyperventilating.
3.) Trying to identify the fabric used in the middle-aged Christian lady's jacket.
4.) The mental image I had of these folks going down IH-35 (note to CBN, in Texas, Texans refer to highways, including 35, as "IH" and not "I") to Austin to hold a purity siege at the Chain Drive, every bear's favorite cockring n' butt plug bar.

I'm not sure what it means, but that bridge collapse in the Twin Cities was on I-35. Maybe that's what Pat is talking about. The Lord works in mysterious ways....

Any question why we prefer to fly over the middle of the country?

Maybe they can bring His holy blessings to San Antonio for the Big XII championship game. The stadium is on I-35, and the University of Oklahoma is on I-35. Those godless Mizzou Tigers, on the other hand, don't have a prayer.

Just put some tacks on the highway and call it a day.

Your honor, it wasn't really date rape. It was a purity siege.

I would now like to be referred to as your "Prophetic Intercessor." Thanks!

I want that guy to put some fire inside me.

Honk if you think you're on the road to hell.

On fire for God?! Yikes, can we please get that hate crimes bill through ASAP?

Robertson's Righteous Religious Road Rage?
Ridiculous.

Got plugged into our church? Heh.

Oh, damn it. I have been worshiping the wrong stretch of highway all this time. I have been focusing my devotional energies on a three mile stretch of Pennsylvania State Highway 322, just east of the town of Ephrata. Now I find out that God's highway is in the goddamn Midwest. No wonder nothing I did out there on my road seemed to help.

@El Ojo: Then how to you explain the Longhorns choking this season? Their stadium is practically on top of IH-35!

After watching that video I need to cleanse my internet palate. I think I need a porn sorbet when I get home.

i saw ted haggard standing by the highway in a pair of cutoffs holding out his thumb the other day...probably unrelated.

Well, there go my spring break plans.

@Whattheheck: That goes through Gary, Indiana

If god told little Richie to resign, then why did god ever let little Richie spend god's money on himself & why did god ever let him have the job in the first place?

@Whattheheck:
BEEP BEEP BEEP!

So... let's hold a "gay seige" at one of their churches? We can set up a nice tina-fueled circuit party out front. Maybe even get Morel/Mould to spin. And of course, the shirtless glitter dancing.

@SanFranLefty: Clearly UT's stadium is gay, and God is punishing the Longhorns for their stadium being "on top of" his Holy Heterosexual Highway.

Good lord, that Cindy Jacobs weirdo looks like Laura Bush. Why would somebody do that?

In Minneapolis, I get a lot of my visions and prophecies about I-35W off the traffic reports on KBEM-FM. Pat and the dumbskys can come on up here if they want to see Hell freeze over.

So, can we expect 9udi to stand out in the middle of 35, reaching out to Peterbilts and Volvos alike? I'm sure Pat would encourage it.

More importantly, we can start a pool on how far he lands from the point of impact.

If this shit is going to "literally" sweep the face of the earth, will my insurance cover that?

Jaysus fucking Christ. If you want to go to a gay bar/porn shop/black light enema pit; just fucking go in. You don't have to pretend jewish zombies are wandering I-35.

@PeeJay: Seriously. "Literally sweep" the face of the earth? Shall I bring the Swiffers?

Ha ha, they caught a "backslid youth pastor" going to a gay bar. Heh heh. "backslid."

It's not fair to mock people born without the privileges we take for granted, like intelligence and taste.

We should get together and hold "gay sieges" at their churches. It'll be an easier commute for them than going to the gay bars.

Did that guy really have a chaw of 'backy in his mouth?

Orally fixated AND substance addicted? How many wetsuits does that guy own?

Don't tell Pat (or God) this, but in Iowa I-35 runs parallel to Highway 69. That would need a whole team of Purity Siege Coordinators.

Funny, I had a man lay hands on me once at JR's as well, and I too was moved by the spirit.
In my pants.

I've often felt God's fire at a gay bar...except the doctors and I just called it "gonorrhea."

No comment from the twink's fiance..... inneresting....

"Highway of holiness" sure sounds like a lot of holes to me...What else is going on on the "side of the road?"

I used to live 2 blocks from JR's and used to drink there all the time. Lots of Madonna on video jukebox. No fire of the holy spirit. Just old queens hitting on young twinks. I was neither so I was left alone to my booze.

where exactly did that guy lay his hands?

That clip nearly made my brain explode. But then, that's clearly already happened to everyone featured in it.

Hey, Pat, I have another prophecy for you: Matthew 24:10-11: And lo, many idiot douchebags will misinterpret scripture and pull asshole stunts called "purity sieges."

Actually it reads like this -- "At that time many false prophets will appear and deceive many people" -- but the result is the same.

To: Pat Robertson
Fr: The Lord
Re: Basic Geography

Pat, Duluth isn't in or near Canada. Thus, My Interstate 35 doesn't join Canada and Mexico. You say I speak to you, but you don't ever listen. Well, listen to this. S.T.F.U.

Besides, I prefer I-5 between Centralia and Vancouver, just for the goofy right-wing Uncle Sam sign. I know what Jesus would do about that, but I won't let him near the lighters and gasoline.

Let's see, the twink was going to meet his fiance? At JR's? And he was "cured" of his homosexuality on the way? Since there's certainly no marriage equality in Texas, we can safely assume the "fiance" is a girl. Just what was he cured of?

God was trying to destroy the pot smokers, fornicators, and gays in Frogtown but his aim was off and he zapped the I-35 bridge instead.

I thought that video was from The Onion folks at first but, dammit, these people really believe this stuff.

The Gay Cure thing was awesom, too. Wonder if blinkered stupidity can be fixed the same way?

It wouldve have been fukkin hilarious if when that pastor in front that twink bar started preaching; someone came out and said "...we found your wallet in the bathroom last week; but we lost your number!"

The poor Christian right just doesn't know how to play this game. I mean the radical Muslim's have the Imama's and the Fartwads, at a moments notice they can proclaim a Yeeha and go blow themselves up, and all the stupid zealot right in this country has is Oral Roberts or some such selling little green magic hankies to blow snot into. Not very compelling when you want to whip up the end of the world or something.

It seems these groups have their work cut out for them. We must NEVER FORGET that I-35 is just a hop, skip, and a jump away from the Minneapolis Airport.

@NotJonah: have you heard about The Giant Brooms? they're sweeping the nation. have you heard about The New Corduroy Pillows? they're making headlines.

I hope someone is digging up the story on that douche who was on his way to the gay bar to meet his "fiance" and was set on "fire" and lost his "desire" to be with men. That dick was planted. Anybody have any info on Mr. James Stabile? What's his real story? These people scare the shit out of me.

And on the 7th day, God created the Remington bolt action rifle, so that the cowboys could kill all of the dinosaurs. Amen.

[profile.myspace.com]

[profile.myspace.com]

Sexual orientaion: Not Sure
Religion: Christian

You poor self hating homo James. :( That makes me a sad panda.

My college's motto was 'A Highway Shall Be There.' It's Route 51. Buncha morons.

This type makes me mad. This example of religious hysteria breaks out regularly among Christian fundamentalists and Pentacostals. I've been a part of it or watching it for nearly fifty years. Only the faces change; the psychosis remains the same.

After the they "lay hands on" the gay guy, he got "plugged in." Fortunate thing for his fianthe.

His facial expression him say that last word was a Freudian's wet dream.

P.S. God isn't American.

There are so many things to say, but I think the only thing I haven't seen commented is how cute it is that Paul Strand thinks he's actually a reporter. "Paul Strand, reporting". Next time I want to go to a Nats game I'm just going to make a CBN "press" pass out of some construction paper and glitter..."I'm a former youth pastor"

@jfruh: The backslide is easy, you just need a little lube in the right places.

I had to stop watching, I felt like I was gonna puke. But, if these folks are SOOO excited about I-35, I will offer up $500 that says that I-95 could kick their sorry white pansy asses.
24-hour prayer rooms? I know of some places outside Providence that have 24-hour play rooms - I dare them.

@Those who sensibly pointed to the bridge collapse: Guys, guys, you don't get it. God loves I-35E, he could give a shit about I-35W.

I know this is a 'mo thread, but that video made me realize I've been cruising the wrong highway. Here I thought I-69 was the place to be, but all the hawt xtianettes are hanging out further west. Time to go over and lay on some hands (and more). They're not the only ones who can convert the wayward, y'know. FIRE!

"Have you felt the presence of God? No... would you like to?"

There is no group gayer than the Christian right.

They threatened to set people and churches on fire. Shouldn't someone call the police?

@quangonaut:
There is no group gayer than the Christian right.
There is no group gayer than the Christian right.
There is no group gayer than the Christian right.
There is no group gayer than the Christian right.

BoomTisssboooomTissssBooooom

Of course they convert all kinds of addicts. People who practice religion like have just another addiction, and everybody knows that addicts easily switch from one addiction to another.

Also, Isaiah 35 says about the highway, "fools will never walk there." Well, shit. With those morons walking all over it, it certainly can't be a holy highway. Also it's not in the middle of a jackal-ridden desert, as the Bible says it should be. Someone should put them in a high school freshman english class so they can learn about "metaphor."

Last time I went purity sieging, I used a blow gun to purify MY heathens.