Thank god someone’s demonstrating a little skepticism. Thunderbird also warns us when you send in ridiculous rumors about real celebrities moving here.

NewsMax
Thunderbird
EARLIER:Mr. and Mrs. Smith Go To Washington

Come now, people — let’s not let Brad and Angelina get our hopes up…

DC’s human beauty capital will increase approximately 4,000% (here is my evidence), sparking a dramatic increase in fashion self-awareness—an “and they saw that they were naked” kind of deal, except instead of resulting in fig-leaf loincloths and exile from paradise, this one would bring about a mass spontaneous rejection of pleated pants, navy blazers, braided belts, and low sensible heels. Finally, I wouldn’t want to get ahead of myself, but once the eye of the world turns to DC, could voting rights be far behind?

You know, even if they are buying a house here, it’s going to be one of their billion houses, spread across the entire planet (but generally near picturesque, uninhabited beaches). Could that possibly be enough to kill navy blazers in this town? Could anything, short of nuclear annihilation? And even in that event, you know Brookings or someone has a Designated Survivor Suit waiting in a concrete bunker under Annapolis.

Be still my heart: Brangelina buys in DC [T&A]

• Dear god, one thing we were looking forward to about DC was getting away from cohabitating celebrities and their goddam nicknames. [Domepunks]
• The Wall Street Journal now comes with an index, to make that desperate search for a morning ego boost that much easier for members of DC’s Elite or those under investigation. [FishbowlDC]
• Make like new CNN correspondent William Bennett and put a little money on tomorrow’s big speech. [Poolitics]
• Dear god, one thing we were looking forward to about DC was getting away from those “up-and-coming” neighborhoods and their goddam nicknames. [DCist]