Wonkette
It is still, last we checked, January of 2007. The next Presidential election is scheduled for November of 2008, barring radioactive rain or martial law. So while you’re polling yahoos on Hillary’s favorability or printing terrifying obamaganda posters or beating up some Vilsack supporter and taking his wallet, remember this: at this point in 2003, Tom Daschle looked good.
In other words, our current crop of front-runners have a lotta time to piss away the voters’ good will. Don’t believe us? Let’s take a look at the two most “charismatic” candidates, after the jump.
Why You’ll Be Sick of Barack Obama By May
- Continued, irritating tendency to respond to mild ribbing about his appearance with overly-sensitive whining.
- Inspiring vagueness.
- Will probably be spending a lot of time “reaching across the aisle” and displaying token, obnoxious nods toward bullshit “bipartisanship” with Republican Senators you hate, like Joe Lieberman.
- Will be on Oprah more.
- No sense of humor evident (stupid Monday Night football ad doesn’t count, as it wasn’t funny).
- Everyone else loves the bastard.
Why You’ll Be Sick of John Edwards By May
- Shit-eating grin.
- Folksy drawl.
- Still a pretty-boy.
- But now an angry pretty-boy.
- Everyone is terrified of his wife.
- Eerily reminds Wonkette of a terrifying and sociopathic grifter played by a young Andy Griffith in a classic old movie.
In other words, neither of these jokers stands a chance! Get ready for Kucinich/Paul in ‘08! Or, more realistically, Hillary, because everyone in America already got sick of her years ago, and soon they’ll move on to “resigned to the inevitable.”
Comments
Tom Daschle never looked good.
Sick of them by May? For once I'm ahead.
If Obama bit off the tip of Edwards' finger right after this pic was taken, I'd vote for Obama. If Edwards stuck his finger up Obama's nose right after this pic was taken, I'd vote for Edwards.
"You Wanna Piece of me, Bitch? Say the WORD, man! We'll throw down RIGHT HERE!"
how was it that it took two weeks too long for everyone to get sick of John Kerry and that orange fucking tan? Man, if that dude had just gone windsurfing or hunting a few weeks earlier... well... we'd still be cracking jokes about how badly Dean got beat.
If Edwards - or any Democrat, for that matter - were to reveal a true persona even half as venal as "Lonesome" Rhodes, he'd be a lock in 08.
Since they're not mentioned, can we assume Wonkette is already sick of Rudy and "Walnuts!"?
I know I am.
Tommmcatt's right, it so looks like they're gonna throw down right there.
Gentlemen, at least have the decency to oil up first.
Aren't we all sick of the Breck Girl already? Edwards has no demonstrated ability to poll above ten percent, and that was back before everybody got sick of his pasty sanctimonious ass and his surreal attempts to communicate actual human qualities.
You look around Chicago and you will find a lot of old guys like Ab Mikva who are big Obama supporters, who really believe in the guy. He's real, and the Breck Girl is a joke. I know, this is a comedy site, so enough seriousness, back to the silly comparisons and snarky hippie references.
Stop trying spread dissension, Wonkette. That's not actually Edward's arm. Belongs to a midget standing between the two and trying to hail a cab. Ron Panetta told me that.
Camperette:
OhMyGod!
THAT is soooo Hot!
Did "Hugo" just invoke "Ab Mikva"...? Seriously, touting early endorsements from the chair of the Illinois Human Rights Commission, that's just sad.
WALNUTS!
Edwards: "Are you high again?! Here, follow my finger..."
Aww, he's got a little bit of a sense of humor! Or someone on his staff does.
U.S. Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) Tuesday released the following statement in response to the news that Stephen Colbert will speak at the 2006 Knox College commencement:
"Stephen, Congratulations on being asked to speak at the 2006 Knox College Commencement. This is an enormous honor and on behalf of the people of Illinois, I'd like to welcome you to our state. As you know, I was invited to speak at Knox after my keynote address at the 2004 Democratic National Convention and subsequent election to the United States Senate. Your convention speech must also have gone really well to have been invited. It's weird that I didn't read about it somewhere.
"Before you deliver your remarks in front of literally millions fewer people than you would at say, a nationally televised political convention, I'd like to offer you a few words of advice. First, I know you're fond of your Peabody Awards, whatever those are, but I'd recommend not bringing them. The students at Knox are down to earth and not impressed by materials possessions like my Grammy Award for Best Spoken Word Album."
"You call my wife a fag hag one more time Obama, I dare you!"
Doesn't anyone remember Breck Girl getting his ass kicked by Darth Cheney in '04 debates? He should have just become a millworker like his dad after that.
When I first became aware of Edwards (2003?), I thought "Ugh. Millionaire ambulance chaser wants to be a political bigshot." My thoughts haven't changed much since then.
Sirened believes Hillary doesn't have a chance because she doesn't represent real change from George Bush. Of course, a monkey would be better than Bush but we need more than that. John Edwards is a bit annoying but at least he appears to care about domestic problems with his "Two America's" talk. We think Al Gore entering the pack would be a good idea. After all, the American people did actually elect him in 2000...
"Ambulance chasers" suing the pants off of corporations screwing over children while cackling gleefully to the bank?
Gots *my* vote...
lascaux - you're saying you're FOR screwing lil kids?
I always thought the presidency was akin to the ancient Druidical Corn God sacrifice:
http://www.sacred-texts.com/pag/frazer/gb04001.htm
Have you ever looked at how wizened they look at the end of 4-8 years?
The country sucks the vital juices right out of them!
So my theory sez that the job goes to whoever wants the job much much more than is reasonable. Al Gore, who has run, what three times? He is a good candidate for throwing himself upon a pyre. John Edwards, pretty boy or no, is starting to run a close second.
GWB, has had no part of the Corn God business - he sucks the juice right out of the body politic instead of the other way around.
Comment on this post
Reply by EmailLogin with your username and password below. Or comment on this post via email.
Forgot your username or password? New User?