Beast Jebus is BEST Jebus!

Wonkette made fun of Michele Bachmann and Donald Trump's pretended outreach to evangelicals. Clearly, we hate Christians and want to impose Sharia. Duh.

Greetings, you scandalous scallywags! It's time once more for your weekly recap of pseudoscientific psychopaths, the Snake Oil Bulletin!
Which of these men would YOU rather hug?

How do you solve a problem like Jim Lankford?

While the United Kingdom was busy losing its goddamn mind Friday, Donald Trump took the time to remind everyone that the the fall of the British Empire was only the beginning of the...
we all did a business

It's your week in corporate malfeasance. Get out your pitchforks!

Wonkette Business

Do you know the story of Judith and Holofernes? Judith was a rad Jewish woman, and Holofernes was a ... Roman? general who wanted to rape her. She was like "cool, Holofernes, I will...

How long has it been since you examined your box? Do you like to examine it in the morning, when the sunlight hits it just right? When you examine your box, tell us, is...
Truck Fump never looked so good

Do you, like all sentient beings on the planet, have a violently strong distaste for presidential candidate Donald J. Trump (nee Drumpf)? Of course you do! Do you, like so very many others, feel the...

Wonkette Bazaar



You come vote for the Wonkette Baby in the Cute Baby Contest right now!

What is our president Barack O'Sexytime up to on this lovely Friday, as the world reels from the UK's vote to leave the European Union? Oh, just gay stuff, because that's what he always...
We'll defend to the death your right to be a smug, entitled little jerk baby

The University of California-Irvine apparently forgot that government entities can't ban loathsome opinions. Are they trying to confirm rightwing stereotypes?
The Sarah Palin Farknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker

Sarah is so happy the UK stopped the One World Government in its tracks.
You do realize we're going to keep the military bases...

The Brexit vote has Texas secessionists all excited, because every now and then they need to be mentioned in the media. And then laughed at.

Is the FBI missing something? Is everybody else missing something?

Scott Adams explains why V-neck sweaters and detergent commercials will motivate humiliated men to hit the voting booth for Donald Trump. Obviously.
He is an actual, biological tortoise. And NRA stooge.

Mitch McConnell, faced with the risk of allowing a vote on a widely supported gun bill that the NRA didn't like, pulled a pretty neat switcheroo. Give the old coot credit for being crafty.

Don't you want to read a NICE story on Friday morning? Yes you do, CLICK CLICK CLICK!

Just the latest example of 'Crazy Ass White Dude Terrorism.'

Bernie says he's voting for Hillary! It happened on the television! Or maybe he's not! Who can say!
To Protect and Unnerve

In news only slightly less surprising than Britons' vote to leave the EU, the former Texas cop who roughed up a 15-year-old girl at a pool party has been cleared of criminal charges by a grand jury.
Yep, she's worried. Look at the fear in her eyes.

Trump has debuted LyingCrookedHillary.com, and it is a GAME CHANGER. (No it isn't.)

In which Glenn Beck revokes John Lewis's Civil Rights Leader Card and bestows it upon himself and his audience.
That guy is such a jerk

The Supreme Court deadlocked in an immigration case, effectively killing off President Obama's 2014 executive action on immigration. Get ready for drunks to start trying to enforce the decision with crowbars.

No really, it could happen!

Paul Ryan said he wouldn't dwell on the shocking lack of decorum in the House by Democrats who were staging a sit-in to call attention to gun violence. Then he very indecorously dismissed the action as a "publicity stunt" for the sole purpose of raising funds.

Today, the Supreme Court of the United States did a very good thing. They ruled against Ms. Abigail Fisher and her moronic lawsuit against the University of Texas, where she claimed she was not...

Let's get acquainted with Trump's new pal Troy Newman, president of Operation Rescue!