Rush Limbaugh Vs. Context

Rush Limbaugh Mouthpiece Lawsplains What Is ‘Malice’

shouldn't inflict that on you in the morning, should we?
Rush Limbaugh’s legal team is taking its completely serious defamation case against the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee to the most important court in wingnut alternate reality: Fox News. On Hannity Monday, attorney Patty Glaser explained why quoting Rush Limbaugh verbatim is ...
  OK Yes Soup For You

Rolling Like A Baller, Eatin’ Potato-Tomato Soup

Tomay-toe, po-tah-toe – resolve the debate and have both! Richly satisfying and warmly filling, Potato-Tomato Soup will comfort you through the chill of November. Months ago, I canned fresh tomatoes, and it’s time to put them to good use. What is that you said? You did not can tomatoes? ...
  We have become such a pitiless people

Fine Here Is Your Bloody Kurt Vonnegut, Armistice Day 2014 Edition

I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.
When Nov. 11 rolls around, this quote from Breakfast of Champions gets dragged out of storage and put on display for the occasion of Kurt Vonnegut’s birthday and Armistice/Veterans Day. But that’s what remembrance and ceremony are for, after all, as mile markers on our half-blind ...
  i remember you

Ebola? What Ebola?

Sigh. One day...
Bowling Ebola doctor Craig Spencer is set to be released from Bellevue Hospital Center in New York sometime today so he can continue his reign of disease-spreading terror that was so rudely interrupted by health officials determined to keep him from infecting the city’s entire population by ...
  the power of aqua buddha compels you

Rand Paul Sure Loves This Dude Who Loves The Confederacy

Senator, you forgot to put on pants AGAIN???
Like Jesus, we all have a cross to bear, and our particular cross is shaped like Sen. Rand Paul (R-Headdesk), a man so dumb that we are amazed he is allowed out of his house without wearing a helmet and a mouth guard. And when he joins forces with Judge Andrew Napolitano, the Confederate ...
  cruz control

McConnell, Cruz Prepare For Epic Dick-Measuring Contest

On the Fateful November Tuesday That Shall Not Be Named (the one in 2014, not 2010), Calgary’s own Ted Cruz sat down with Wolf Blitzer and was asked if he’d support Mitch McConnell as the next Senate majority leader. Cruz declined to say, as he’s done since August, mostly ...
  Can she paint?

What If Joni Ernst Were More Like Max Ernst?

Ernst Ernst Ernst. Isn’t that a good name? Ernst Ernst Ernst. The Importance of Being Ernst. Ernst Borgnine. We bet it’s the onomatopoeia in some culture for a blaring truck horn: ERNST! ERNST! OUT OF MY WAY! In many ways, yr Wonket has eyes for only one Ernst at the moment: ...
  All Lorettas Look The Same To Us

Breitbart Very Very Very Sorry About Its Journalism, For Sure

This fuckin' guy.
Mistakes — we all make ‘em! Admitting when you’re wrong helps build credibility with your audience, and it is also too the Right Thing To Do. But that’s not how they roll at Corpse Andrew Breitbart’s Cyberdome For Teddy Roosevelt Cosplayers. In Breitbart’s ...
  Inventor Of The DERPAnet

Ted Cruz Invented The Internet

Poor little monopolists
Hey, you know how we predicted that the opposition to Barack Obama’s endorsement of Net Neutrality was going to be loud, annoying, and swift? Case in point, this tweet from Ted Cruz, which is typical of the Doublespeak we’re all going to be hearing a lot more of: Man oh man, if we ...
  This Modem World

Barack Obama To Imprison All Cat Videos In FEMA Camps

Save the Toobz
Barack Obama announced his support for Net Neutrality today, and after slapping a ruler on the desk as soon as everyone’s eyes glazed over, he said he wants the Federal Communications Commission to reclassify internet services as a utility, which would allow the agency to keep internet ...