He'll never be president, but he will be declared God of Narcissism

You'll be glad to know that Donald Trump has finally taken a firm position on the death threats and ugly anti-Semitic images sent to Julia Ioffe, the journalist who wrote a profile of Melania...
These guys'll do it.

Bigot folk, have the fruits and nuts been demanding that you hand over your plaid slipcovered couch, for them to pork on? Well you have a hero in Wonkette favorite Gordon Klingenschmitt, who used...

There's a battle of halfwits going on right now, Donald Trump and the pinchable face cheeks of House Speaker Paul Ryan.
Smiling Trump is the only thing scarier than shouty Trump

Donald Trump thinks America's creditors won't mind a good stiffing.
Some are born dickish, some achieve dickishness, and others have dickishness thrust upon them.

Less than halfway into his second term, Maine Governor Paul LePage is so over governing his lame state full of lazy drug addicts and loser student protesters. In a town hall in Lewiston Wednesday,...

Wonkette Business

Hello citizens! It is I, Sara Benincasa, longtime Wonkette contributor and longer-time Wonkette commenter. I am here to tell you about my new book, Real Artists Have Day Jobs, which you can obtain via...

How long has it been since you examined your box? Do you like to examine it in the morning, when the sunlight hits it just right? When you examine your box, tell us, is...
Truck Fump never looked so good

Do you, like all sentient beings on the planet, have a violently strong distaste for presidential candidate Donald J. Trump (nee Drumpf)? Of course you do! Do you, like so very many others, feel the...

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Seriously, he is so sorry, HIS BAD, he promises this will not happen again.

Jesus spoke to tow-truck driver Ken Shupe and told him to leave a disabled woman on the side of the road, as he is wont to do.
Yet another victim of the vast government conspiracy

Why are government tyrants always stealing patriots' children over a few beatings?

The "No Doo Doos For Transgenders" ordinance is dead!

Hillary Clinton releases two anti-Trump ads, and trust, they are delightful!

Quiverfull patriarch Vaughn Ohlman presents a thrilling three day retreat where you can pick out a spouse for your teenage kid!
I can has nuclear launch codes now?

Donald Trump would never say every idiot thing he is thinking, after all. Nothing could go wrong!

Oh golly, North Carolina idiot Gov. Pat McCrory and the other Republicans who helped create the state's insane anti-LGBT discrimination law are making the saddest panty gravy right now! You see, on Wednesday, Obama's mean...
I'll just be a minute here. Be right back.

You'd think maybe Chris Matthews has been in the teevee journamalism business long enough to know he should assume every microphone is live, but he forgot that little axiom Tuesday night during MSNBC's...

Proctor and Gamble is gettin' sued for firing a lady for being pregnant.
Watch where you point that thing, bub

Alex Jones is kind of a sore winner. After his boy Donald Trump won the Indiana primary Tuesday night and Ted Cruz dropped out of the campaign, Jones posted a rambling shouty video --...
You will be seduced.

UH OH is former Massachusetts Sen. Scott "Nakey Time" Brown having a sad? He got on the radio in Boston to accuse that lady who beat him, Sen. Elizabeth "Badass" Warren, of being a...

What reason is someone using to avoid having to tip now? Oh, Apartheid? Well, that's a new one. Cool. An Oxford University student named Ntokozo Qwabe created something of a viral storm after celebrating...

President Barack Obama spoke for nearly an hour Wednesday in Flint, Michigan, on the city's water crisis, reassuring residents that filtered water is safe to drink, encouraging them to get their children tested for...

Oh hey, it is Wednesday afternoon, which means it is time for your weekly dance party, where we shuffle our iTunes, post the first ten songs that come up at random, and you all...

Hey it's Wednesday, wanna fawn all over Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau for no goddamn reason? Good, we do too. So, the Invictus Games are this really nice thing created by sexxxy Prince Harry,...

We regret to inform you that the latest iteration of the Duggars, "Jill and Jessa: Counting Spawn On" has not yet been cancelled. Turns out prayers don't do shit. Perhaps we need to start...
We're suspending reporters for sexxytimes now?

In your WTF, Really? News today, a blessed distraction from the agita over Donald Trump's Ascension to the GOP nomination: Fox News White House correspondent Ed Henry has been bounced off the air for...
This screengrab is so mean, but why not?

Oh hell, in all our jizz-citement over Ted Cruz running away to eat a million cans of soup by himself in hell, and in our glee about the loser #NeverTrump people beating themselves up...