Forget loaves and fishes — the House Education Committee in Alabama’s state legislature pushed through a school prayer bill last week on a voice vote, even though more committee members voted against it than for it. The bill would require teachers to spend up to 15 minutes during the first class of each school day reading prayers said before the U.S. Senate or House of Representatives — so you see, it wouldn’t actually be an unconstitutional government-sponsored prayer, it’s civics. We totally believe that! Where is your ACLU now, atheists? READ MORE »
March 9, 2014
Getting hyped for the Biblical Spectacular Spectacular that is Noah? How can you not be? It’s Russell Crowe plus the Old Testament! It is Gladiator on steroids! It has Hermione Granger in it! Surely with all this starpower, the Pope will want to check this out, right? Russell Crowe wants to ensure he does.
Just in case the Holy Father didn’t hear his cry, Crowe reached out to his Twitter followers so they could pester the Pontifex as well.
Crowe followed up with a tweet aimed at his own 1.37 million followers, writing, “given his environmental focus/scholarly knowledge, trying to screen #Noah for Pope Francis.” Crowe also asked his followers to retweet his previous message.
Jesus, we feel for the poor sod running social media for the Pope right now, especially because there are a bunch of Christians that are already all het up over Noah and are sure it is the devil’s work, even though they’ve not yet seen the movie, because pretty much no one has.
We have quite a range of incoherent shouting for you in today’s visit to the ol’ comment queue, so let’s jump right in and unleash the ugly vile little snark mob, shall we? Let us begin with “bmmg39,” who had a bone to pick with all of us for our stupid-headed failure to recognize that James Taranto is a genius of fairness and equality, and not a rape-apologist douchebag. Our Snipy pointed out that, no, drunk men who rape drunk women do not actually get to claim that they have diminished capacity, but what does she know, because she is only a lawyer, and also she is a woman who disagrees with Taranto. Writes bmmg39,
I’m amazed that so many people can read Mr. Taranto’s column and completely misconstrue (or willfully distort) what he is saying. Mr. Taranto is NOT talking about a drunk man forcing himself onto a drunk woman who’s either saying no or is passed out (which would be rape, whether it’s a man doing it to a woman or a woman doing it to a man).
Aha, well that’s pretty enlightened of you there, bmmg39. We’ll just approve your comment and welcome you to the…wait, you wrote more? Hmmm…. READ MORE »
The Japanese did awful things in World War II that went above and beyond wartime fun, including mass rape and and forced prostitution. Japanese rightwingers does not like to be reminded of this, so some terrible people are suing Glendale, California, for having the gall to erect a memorial to “comfort women” – the women enslaved by the Japanese as prostitutes for the military. Wait what??
First, a little back story. Back in 1993, the Japanese government fucking finally apologized to comfort women and acknowledged that its colonial rule had been particularly oppressive. We’d actually kick that up several notches and call it insanely brutal, and if you do not agree, just go read The Rape Of Nanking and get back to us. Anyway, so there was an apology, but ever since, some right-wing Japanese officials have been all like naw mang Nanking never happened and the whole comfort women thing was NBD. Because of this, some Japanese politicians and Japanese-Americans are none too happy that Glendale decided to put up a memorial honoring the comfort women and have taken a true blue American route to get the thing gone: suing the pants off the city.
The PC police are at large in Texas, just cold ruining life again for decent godfearing men who are merely talking about protecting their property and their nation. Latest member of this oppressed victim class: U.S. Senate candidate Chris Mapp, whose free speech rights are imperiled just because he called illegal border-crossers “wetbacks” and said that ranchers should be allowed to shoot them on sight. Criminy, it’s not like he called all Mexicans wetbacks and called for them to be shot, just the illegal ones. Have some perspective, people. READ MORE »
How To Be The Absolute Worst, by Pat Buchanan
It’s easy to be terrible, but to be the absolute worst — that takes effort. So let me, Pat Buchanan, show you how it’s done.
Step 1: take a really important issue that makes people emotional, and make up a disgraceful lie about it, like so:
The question Gov. Jan Brewer faces?
Should Christians, Muslims, Mormons who refuse, on religious grounds, to serve same-sex couples — that photographer, that florist, that baker, for example — be treated as criminals?
This is in reference to the proposed Arizona law that would permit business owners to refuse service to people whose sexual preferences God doesn’t like. But! Do you see what I did there? The bill has nothing to do with treating these business owners “as criminals.” Business owners are already allowed to discriminate against gays in Arizona, and there’s no federal law stopping them, either. So by saying this, I’ve achieved two things: confused people who don’t know what’s going on, and infuriated many that do. Now, if someone wants to argue with me, they have to spend most of their time correcting my strategic idiocy. See how that works? READ MORE »
How’s this for an exciting groundswell of grassroots support? Albert Merrick, some poor schlub at Ben Shapiro’s Conservative Equivalent to Media Matters, got assigned to fluff the boss in a piece announcing “Shapiro Suggested As Replacement For Morgan.” And that’s not just in-house boss-fellating, either, so Merrick’s lede is 100% accurate:
TruthRevolt Editor-In-Chief Ben Shapiro has been named as a possible successor to failed talk show host Piers Morgan, according to an article published in The Wire, Monday.
He’s been named! Talk about inside information — we can hardly wait to find out who got ahold of CNN’s short list of candidates. READ MORE »
Gather round, dearies, and take unto your hearts and brainstems the latest wisdom pearl from America’s Kundun, the preternaturally deep and soulful Bristol Palin. Once again, no need to click; here it is in its entirety!
I came across this Scripture and wanted to pass it along.
“The blessing of The Lord brings wealth, and he adds no trouble to it.” Proverbs 10:22
This reminds me of that old saying “you’re either sleeping well, or eating well.”
Well, the good news is that you can have both with God’s blessing!
It reminds me of when I was on Dancing with the Stars, especially the first time. I knew God’s plan for my life would always be bigger and better than a reality show. I knew whatever was to happen, would happen.
There’s freedom in that.
God has given me so much! That means I’m able to “sleep well,” and ”eat well” with all of his blessings.
First of all: what?
Second of all: huh?
Third of all: no, really. Do you understand this? Because there is a rollicking attempted parsing going on in Wonket’s secret chatcave, and we are plumb phlumpherpated, in our noggins! READ MORE »
Bill O’Reilly got Barack, Jimmy Fallon got Michelle, so it’s only fair that Seth Meyers would get the Vice President. If any other special Teevee events come along, they’ll have to choose between Dr. Jill Biden or the President Pro Tempore of the Senate; it’s in the Constitution. (Do Al Haig jokes even work anymore?)
Meyers’ first guest was Amy Poehler, the better to set up that silly clip from Parks & Rec. NBC is pulling out all the synergistic programming stops in this one. Also they talked trains, and Joe Biden really likes trains. And Meyers gets the scoop of the century, discovering who OHJB was pointing at during the State of the Union.
If it’s Tuesday, it must be time for someone on the internet to be fretting that English Is Doomed, and so is America, because of [Insert paranoid delusion du jour]. And so let us spend a moment with poor Merrill Hope at Dead Breitbart’s Internet Institute for the Very, VERY Nervous, who has discovered that the Common Core educational standards are often discussed using a lot of jargon, that jargon is Orwellian, and therefore Common Core will destroy both English and Freedom. And then by lunch tomorrow, there will be a new threat, possibly involving voles. READ MORE »
Virginia state Senator Steve Martin (R-Three Amigos) referred to pregnant women as “host(s)” on his Facebook page and even included a parenthetical aside clarifying that he’s talking about mothers. He’s changed “host” to “bearer of the child,” because “host” suggests fetuses are parasites; his modified verbiage regards the unborn with the dignity they deserve.
Apparently, the sluts over at Virginia Pro Choice Coalition sent him a Valentine’s Day-themed reproductive rights message. The front of the greeting card read “Don’t Break Our Hearts,” and the inside asked for his support of the familiar laundry list of sluts’women’s issues: free birth control pills, mandatory blowjob lessons in the state sex ed curriculum, abortions on the basis of gender or eye color, and mandatory sterilization of confirmed Christians. Well, Martin could not let this piece of direct mail go unanswered, nosiree. He did what any part-time legislator would do and pouted all over his Facebook wall.
Oh, hai there, militia guys, how goes the Second American Revolution these days? Not so great, huh, what with getting arrested just for trying to buy some pipe bombs and thermite grenades? Bummer. These three super-Patriot militia guys from Georgia — Brian Cannon, Cory Williamson, and the seriously misnamed Terry Eugene Peace — are just not going to get the chance to water the Tree of Liberty this time, since they got themselves arrested on February 15. Instead, they were charged in federal court last week. The three heroes had been reported to the FBI after participating in online discussions about attacking government targets, and then Mr. Peace asked a “cooperating witness” to sell them explosives. Sadly, this time around, the genius freedom fighters did not have any remote-controlled pink dildos or “Tranny Hunter” DVDs. We truly are suffering from a poorer grade of domestic terrorist these days. READ MORE »
There’s this useful phrase, “Not even wrong,” used to indicate an argument that so completely and sloppily misses the point being discussed that it can’t even be assessed as an argument — for instance, a creationist who asks if evolution is real, why don’t we see dogs giving birth to leopards, huh? Not only is that question not right, that’s not even wrong. We mention this because we’re going to be taking a look at the latest brilliant thoughts by crazed WND columnist Matt Barber, who applies his critical thinking skills to a Salon think-piece by Katie McDonough and manages to completely refute something that has no resemblance to anything McDonough actually says. It’s actually rather impressive how thoroughly not even wrong Barber manages to be. READ MORE »