Remember when New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was going to bully his way to the White House with his stellar platform, "It's time to start offending people"? Boy did that get shut down faster…

Sure, Carly Fiorina is a total loser who stinks of epic FAIL, but she's not about to take her bitter vagina and go home just yet. After getting just a skosh above nothing percent in the New…

Here is Jeb Bush on Tuesday night, thanking the voters for his stunning victory in New Hampshire:

We need — we need a president with a steady hand, with a proven record. Who has a…

Normally, the most offensive thing associated with Denny's is literally any menu item served at Denny's, but this is an auspicious occasion.

See, on Feb. 5, Denny's settled a lawsuit over one location's attempt to make…

Babbies and bars!

Hey, Boston! Come meet, eat, and greet with Yr Wonkette, the Official Wonkette Babby, and also Shy! Today, from 4:30-7:30, at the Whiskey Priest! Yes, it is way down south, where RV parking grows…

Wonkette Business

Is that gorgeous unit a penis pump for YOUR UNIT? Why yes, it is!

Oh hi, Wonkers. We are aroused to tell you about some product offerings from one of our new friends, L.A. Pump. Yes, they are penis pumps and pussy pumps and clit pumps, and we…

You saved so much money last year by not donating to any of the assorted bigot pizzas, and bigot florists, and bigot bigots. It is time for you to spend that money on YOU,…

Friends, Wonkers, perverts, lend us your danglies and your girl-danglies, and also listen up, sons (and girl-sons)! We come before you today to tell you that in 2015 you gave Wonkette $79,071 straight from…

Elections Of US America Election: The Game

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Wonkette Bazaar


Wheaton College's Lord And Savior, we guess.

Time for an Official Wonkette update on a story we brought you weeks back, about a political science professor from Illinois's Wheaton College, Larycia Hawkins, and her nasty proclivity for acting like Muslims are not…

Remember a couple years back, when we got BANNED by REDDIT (/r/politics) for the crime of inserting a speculum into their vagina? Those were fun good times! I was all hey we are not…

ALL HAIL WONKETTE BABY! You already know that, because you "all hail" her all the time. But if you were doing your normal routine Tuesday, which is obsessively staring at the respective Twitter feeds…

Maybe since Trump is playing hooky from the debate he can ride his confederate lion for the first time in forever.

Donald Trump finally redeemed himself after his humiliating weak-baby L-O-S-E-R loser defeat in corn mazes of Iowa last week, by winning the holy OMG hot dayum bejesus out of the New Hampshire primary Tuesday night.

He…

That IS his smile!

Big news out of New Hampshire, like they rarely say! With 92 percent (and updating!) of precincts reporting, Bernie Sanders beat Hillary Clinton in the New Hampshire primary by a 60-38 margin to become…

Hello New Hampshire! Y'all done voting early and often for the guy or the other guy or the lady guy or the other lady guy or that punchy-faced pouty-assed Canadian? Oh, probably not him.

Cool. We…

Yeah, HE'S the idiot

Oooh, that devilish Obama! New Hampshiritiantonians are holding their FIRST!!!!1! in the nation primary right now — like, right now now — and the president refuses to tell the American people The Truth about just how he and his…

We're only doing this to get your attention

How incompetent is Paul LePage, the racist Hefty bag of bile and moose leavings who's somehow won two terms as Maine's governor? Apart from being so blessedly stupid that he mistakenly allowed a bunch…

Oh good, more opinions from this guy.

It is a day, which means somewhere in the recent past, or maybe right this second if he's awake, NRA board member Ted Nugent has been spotted doing public bigotry of some sort. Now,…

Everyone knows the best part of having a lovers' quarrel is the making up. Whether the tiff is about whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher, or why Ted Cruz is a lying…

It's because she smiles too much, that's why.

Carly Fiorina is not having the best year of her life, what with being such an enormous liar who can't even make it onto real GOP debate stages, owing to how nobody likes her….

Poor David Brooks. Spiraling ever downward into his midlife crisis, which for some reason he is paid to liveblog weekly at the New York Times, he inflicts upon us once more his struggle to…

Freedom fighter

Oh god, we were under the impression the Oregon standoff story was over, and everybody was dead or in jail now, and we could go back to ignoring how there are loud morons out…

It's been way too long since we've had the opportunity to check in on the adventures of Florida Man. Happily, he's back.

There's just no more clever way to say this: a dude in Royal Palm…

Caramba!

In Manchester, New Hampshire, Monday night, Donald Trump continued an unbroken string of getting away with crap that would have sunk any other campaign in history, enthusiastically repeating a supporter's shout that Ted Cruz…

Mayor Bloomberg

You've probably been wondering if former mayor of New York Michael Bloomberg has found himself a new gig yet. Which is really stupid of you, because he has so many dozens of billions of dollars,…

Donald Trump with his First Lady AKA his daughter.

Guys, hot off the presses and BREAKING! and all of that stuff. The final Iowa caucus results have been released, by Donald Trump's brain, and it turns out Ted Cruz did NOT win. Turns…

No, really, we got a Cease and Desist order from Universal and their eight million lawyers.

Hey, remember when that nice lawyer cease and desisted our most excellent Bernie Sanders For The Future T-shirts, because of how some (dumb) people might get a confuse? Well, this is your honest to…

He is very excited about his new job!

Sen. John McCain has some stern words for you Republican presidential candidates who had yourselves a grand ol' party time on Saturday night, debating whether waterboarding is torture (it is), whether we should do…

— Shaskeen's Pub, Manchester, New Hampshire. We have driven through fucking February New Hampshire, and may see a rally of Trumpenfolk tonight — or we might hide because that shit's got a tendency to…