Will Killing of Obi-Wan Kenobi Encourage More Terrorism?

Despite the official story claiming Obi-Wan Kenobi was killed by our forces after being located in a remote desert compound after twenty years of evading the Empire, many people simply don't believe Kenobi is gone. Others doubt the timing...

Levi Johnston Has a Humorous Book Cover

Like everything this kid does, this will end up being a boring disappointment. (EXCEPT FOR THE MIRACLE OF LIFE/REALITY SHOWS/PRO-LIFE MONEY HE GAVE BRISTOL. THANK YOU, SPERM! EXCEPT DON'T THANK YOU, BECAUSE ABSTINENCE.) But this is slightly amusing....

House GOP Decries Dems Doing Same Thing They Just Did To Win Majority

This is why politics in all its forms is permanently terrible and you should go read a fishing blog or play Angry Birds or something other than reading this crap for all eternity: "House Republican freshmen admit that their...

Pro-America Front Yard Sign Next To Mosque: ‘Bomb Making Next Driveway’

Muslim leaders are upset that a homeowner who lives next door to a newly opened mosque has posted a sign on his front lawn that reads “Bomb Making Next Driveway.” Are they upset that the front yard didn't specify what...

Harry Reid Didn’t Even Want To See Those Bin Laden Photos, So There

Senators were already acting like children by pretending they saw (or, maybe worse, thinking they actually saw) photos of Osama bin Laden's corpse. But now that the White House has reportedly decided to let a select few members of...

Delicious Recipes From Ancient American Congressional Wives

Most Americans today completely ignore politics and Congress, and most of those who follow the stuff very intensely are, you know, insane, and the only "congressional recipe" America's Abused Liberals know about is the Larry Craig "super tuber," which...

Bristol Palin’s Facelift Was ‘Necessary For Medical Reasons’

Sure, it seemed strange when we read famed Hollywood reproducer Bristol Palin was moving "to Los Angeles from Wasilla, Alaska" to live with two black people and will be "working" at "a job" for what will be the most...

Donald Trump Lied About Making Campaign Announcement On TeeVee Show

Surprise! “The show this weekend was taped back in November, and next week’s episode is also taped,” Pannozzo said. “So there will be no opportunity for him to do something like that.” Trump will announce LIVE ON HIS SHOW...

As He Enters Race, Newt Knows All of History Was Leading Up To Him

Newt Gingrich is temporarily quitting his dubious money-making schemes today to run for president, which will give him attention and help him make more cash when he returns to his important work mailing people's pets "dog of the year"...

Obama, Boehner Keep Fighting Over How Badly Boehner Will Beat Him

Here is what Congress is getting done these days: If Barack Obama wants to use the bathroom, he has to give House Republicans a spending cut they want. If Barack Obama wants to eat dinner with his family, he...

Where 1% Controls 40% of Wealth & 25% of Income, Donald Trump Is Loved

Roger Ebert, commenting on that Vanity Fair article that so upset the Wonkette Community, says this: "Wanton consumption is glorified. Corruption is rewarded. Ordinary people see their real income dropping, their houses sold out from under them, their pensions...

Arnold Schwarzenegger: A Brief History of a Show-Biz Republican

Here's a funny thing, on this day when the Important Political Media is reporting on the separation of former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife, Kennedy Family lady Maria "Sargent" Shriver: We like Arnold. We like Maria. We...

Reality Cable Show Announced For Daughter of Reality Cable Person

Oh look, one of those basic cable reality-teevee families is getting another reality show. And we are posting it, because that is apparently what we do here, which is yet another reason why we are all washing our hands...

Arab Guy On Plane Scaring Wingnuts Probably Just Needed To Pee Really Bad

An update on the DOOR-KNOCKING TERROR IN THE SKY: The man, Rageh Almurisi, 28, may have thought it was a rest room. "He's not a terrorist, trust me," said his cousin Rageh Almoraissi, 29, who owns a store in Vallejo,...

Topanga, Moesha, and Meghan McCain Naked On Rooftop

Hey, it's all the stars from '90s teen sitcoms. And Meghan McCain, for some reason. This was pretty much our reaction:

Baja Arizona Trying To Divorce Wingnut Arizona

For those Americans who think of Arizona at all, there are two distinct parts of the forty-eighth state: the beautiful natural scenery and the awful white residents. But a brave band of liberal revolutionaries in the smart-person stronghold of...

Sarah Palin, Conservative Media Angry At White House, Rapper

Sarah Palin has an opinion on something! Let us all post about it! This Daily Caller article is upset that "scheduled a poetry evening for Wednesday" and the hip-hop artist/actor Common was invited. Okay! What are his terrible offenses...

Glenn Beck Hanging Around Israel, Wearing Yarmulke

As part of some quest to search for meaning in his life in the wake of losing his teevee conspiracy show, Mormon comedy sensation Glenn Beck is wandering around the homeland of the Native Americans, Israel. This is all...

DRUDGE SIRENS: Arab Man On Plane Got Angry Or Something

The conservative Internet has uncovered UNMISTAKABLE EVIDENCE that The Muslims of America are planning to set aside their Sharia checklist for a moment to avenge the death of Osama bin Laden. On Sunday, some guy from Vallejo, California on...

Newt Gingrich’s Weird Affair-Wife Is Kind of Weird

Domestic bliss, until the next affair: Mr. Gingrich took up golf because his wife plays; she has adopted his political agenda. In 2009, after years of attending Mass to hear her sing in her church choir, he converted to Catholicism....

Bin Laden Was Only Thing Keeping Schwarzenegger and His Wife Together

Oh no! According to this Arianna Huffington news box that came up on our junk America On Line 3.0 e-mail account from 1994, Osama bin Laden was the only guy keeping Arnold Schwarzenegger and his Kennedy wife together, and...

U.S. Was Prepared To Fight Pakistan In Getting Bin Laden

Here's some good news for ally relations: If Pakistan had noticed the U.S. troops entering Pakistan airspace to take out bin Laden in time and opened fire on them, as they likely would have, the U.S. was prepared to...

Bin Laden Videos Prove Osama’s Still Alive … In Our Funny Bones!

Is Osama bin Laden really dead? Not if the ability to make America laff is any indication! Perhaps the hated terrorist will always be alive in the part of our heart that makes us chuckle. This video is sung...