He hadn’t anchored the Evening News in nearly three decades, but Walter Cronkite set the standard for serious, authoritative network news. The stuff he covered was the biggest stuff of the 20th Century: from WWII to JFK, Apollo to Vietnam, Chicago ’68 to Watergate and the slow rot of America beginning in the mid-1970s. READ MORE »
OF INTEREST TO OLDER LIBERALS 11:55 pm July 17, 2009
CBS Newsman Walter Cronkite Dead At 92
- NAME THAT PUBLICATION: Zero dollars to those who correctly guess the crucial political digest that published this sentence today: “Drinking is not an uncommon thing for presidents, historians say.” HINT: It’s Politico. HINT: Even TNR is allowed to make fun of this publication. [TNR]
PIGS 5:43 pm July 17, 2009
Sanford Lived So Fancy On Taxpayers’ $$$
After an investigation revealed that South Carolinian Ambassador to Argentina Mark Sanford had not misspent taxpayer funds in the course of perpetrating his adulterous affair with some hot lady, people were sad. They were sad because the “abused state funds” charge would have been the real corker on top of the “wandering peen” charge, in terms of ways to get the guy out of office. READ MORE »
PSYCHOTICS 5:12 pm July 17, 2009
Latest Crucial Update On Chuck Grassley’s Twitter
Uh oh, Grampa Cornpants has stolen the intern’s key to the Twitter machine again. Time to shout nonsense at the President! See, Chuck Grassley and the Republicans, along with certain awful humans like Ben Nelson and Joe Lieberman, are begging a resilient Obama to wait until after their August recess to “finish” health care, because they want it to lose all momentum and die on the Senate floor. Who will want to cast a tough vote a mere fourteen months before midterm elections?? doRITE, doRITE! [Twitter]
DRINK UP HOPEY 5:09 pm July 17, 2009
Happy Friday From Our Drinking President
After eight years of that alky teetotaler George W. Bush, it’s always a delight to see that your president is man enough to have a beer without turning into some raging drunken elder-abusing asshole. Here is Barack Obama just cold slurpin’ a cold one with his powerful baseball-fan friends. On the left, let’s see, that’s probably Bill Gates. Hi Bill! And on the right … hmm, maybe Madonna? Let’s say Madonna. [White House Flickr]
DINGUSES 4:13 pm July 17, 2009
Mean Senator Forces Treasury To Cancel Clown Parties
Well hats off to Senator Byron Dorgan, who read about the Treasury’s proposed “Humor In The Workplace” presentations for Bureau of the Public Debt employees, called the Department to complain, issued a few grandstanding words about Wasting Taxpayers’ Money, and got the events canceled. Good for you, asshole. Two 3-hour presentations from a fun clown at $15 an hour. You just saved the American taxpayers a whole $90, aimed at bringing some levity to what must be one of the government’s most soul-crushing office environments. You’re a hero, Byron Dorgan. And if money’s the problem, your Wonkette editors will gladly and patriotically lead these presentations for free. Intern Riley is good at drawing and stuff. [The Hill]
METRO SECTION 3:41 pm July 17, 2009
New iPhone App Helps Marion Barry Pass Sobriety Test
- Experts agree: Sometime between now and 5PM, DC will be ravaged by 70 mph winds, lightning storms, and many inches of rain. And it’ll still be humid as a mofo. Why is Woton so angry with DC? Did a Republican senator elope with Brunhilda? Confess before you get us all killed! [DCist] READ MORE »
OBVIOUS CAREER MOVES 2:57 pm July 17, 2009
Heroic Joel Sawyer Abandons Adulterous Patriarch
Famous harried slave and recipient of comical e-mails Joel Sawyer has regrettably tendered his resignation as Mark Sanford’s spokesman, although it is unclear as to why. Perhaps the Washington Post‘s Chris Cillizza should resend this e-mail to procure his latest Fix! [AP]
OH BOY 2:28 pm July 17, 2009
National Review’s Andy McCarthy Has Theory About Barack Obama And Baseball
Former federal prosecutor and current National Review smart person Andy McCarthy has a number of interesting political opinions about such things as Barack Obama’s memoir, Barack Obama’s attitude towards Iran, and the Uighurs. Now he has a new interesting political opinion about Barack Obama’s first pitch at the Baseball All-Star Game Tuesday night. What does he have to say? READ MORE »
REPUBLICANS IN THE NEWS 1:51 pm July 17, 2009
REPULSIVE OLD DIXIECRAT ZELL MILLER STILL ALIVE, AS PROVEN BY THIS RACIST REMARK ABOUT OBAMA: “Miller punctuated his speech with a not-too-subtle racial barb at President Obama, saying he needs to stop meeting with foreign heads of state and that Rahm Emanuel ought to get some ‘Gorilla Glue’ to keep Obama tied to his chair in the Oval Office.” [Think Progress/Politico]
REPUBLICANS IN THE NEWS 1:10 pm July 17, 2009
Yet Again, Email + Republican Elected Officials = Repulsive Racism
Hey, we’ve gone all week without some fuckface old Republican getting caught sending hateful racist email about the Obamas. Maybe racism really is on the wane, in America. Maybe old white GOP officials have finally realized it’s not super funny to send hilarious jokes about the coloreds, to everybody, about the president. Ha, right. The latest batch of foul, blatant racism comes from “City Councilman Gary Frago,” in some place near Merced, California. And he’s not sorry, either! “I’m not the only one that does it,” Frago told the Merced Sun-Star. Yeah, we’ve noticed. READ MORE »
FILM AND STAGE 12:18 pm July 17, 2009
Fun Times With Water-Obsessed, Off-Beat Liberals
- Sunday, July 19: Synchronized swimming is all anybody’s talking about these days, and, lucky for you, you can see it in action at the Capitol Skyline Hotel this Sunday from 6PM-7PM. As if that wasn’t exciting enough, Conner Contemporary Art is screening “experimental videos” (we’ll leave that is up to your imagination) poolside after the competition. Free. [Capitol Skyline Hotel]
CARTOON VIOLENCE 11:50 am July 17, 2009
Perverts Foreign And Domestic
By the Comics Curmudgeon
Many differences of opinion mark the divide between real Americans and the sort of decadent, elitist sex-crazed weirdos who read this site. Perhaps one of the easiest ways to tell which category you fall into is to examine your attitude towards the Foreigns and sex perverts. Do you believe that America is a bastion of virtue and everything outside its borders is a giant orgy? Or do you believe that foreigners have a healthy attitude towards sexuality, and that it’s Americans who are all twisted up inside when it comes to sexual matters? As is so often the case in these disagreements, each side is right: both foreigners and Americans are filthy perverts. But only Americans are also furries. READ MORE »
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