Guy Who Made Up WMD Story For Iraq Invasion Admits He Made It Up

How many people have been blown up and shot and otherwise violently killed in the American invasion and eight-year U.S. occupation of Iraq, so far? We know the exact numbers of U.S. military dead and injured (4,436 dead and...

South Dakota Legalizing Abortion(-Doctor Murder)

While those useless fat cats in D.C. twiddle their thumbs and let our country sink perilously into debt and endless unemployment, the hardworking legislators of America's heartland and working together to get things done for their citizens. Yeah, we're...

Wal-Mart Bringing FOUR Wonderful Wal-Marts To D.C.

The world’s largest retailer for the world's largest customers, Wal-Mart, has decided to open four stores in the Nation’s Capital. For one (usually good) reason or another -- China, jobs, lead poisoning, the destruction of entire American towns --...

‘President’s Meet In Oval Office’

When will the Labor Department finally bust CNN for employing a dimly lit room full of second-graders to write the news stories on its website? Former President George H.W. Bush returned to his old office on Tuesday for a...

400-Pound Woman’s Robbery Foiled When Scooter Gets Stuck; Then She’s Tasered

Scooter crime: Michigan edition. Investigators said Perkins was attempting to leave the Rochester Road Meijer with more than $600 worth of stolen electronic merchandise when her cart got stuck and she was unable to drive out the door. Perkins —...

Wisconsin’s Teabag Governor About To Have National Guard Shoot Employees

America's leading producer of cheese products, Wisconsin, elected a Teabagger governor in November, and it's not a coincidence that said cheese products are now all at least 10% meth byproducts by weight. This Scott Walker fellow has decided that...

Donald Trump Loves the Gays But Doesn’t Want To Marry Them

Aww, look who's still pretending to be a serious human being with serious thoughts on world affairs! "I live in New York. New York is a place with lots of gays. And I think it's great. But I'm not...

Mubarak Rumored To Be In Extremely Convenient Coma

Uh? Hosni Mubarak allegedly collapsed after his last public address and then fell into a magic coma! And now he'll have to be airlifted to a special not-in-Egypt "coma treatment" center, amiright? And the $70 billion that Mubarak fleeced...

Louisiana Children Get Sunburn Outside Somehow; Parents and Teachers Demand Answers

So you still think it's a good use of $60 a month to have television? Cancel it:

Drudge: Airport Pat-Downs Now Entering Your ‘T&A’

The two most important parts of a lady, on the body of one of our finest actors. Nothing to joke about.

Bryan Fischer Finally Says Something Terrible Enough To Have Op-Ed Pulled

American Family Association resident expert/terrible human Bryan Fischer decided last week that it was okay for white people to take America from the Indians because Native Americans are savages. He's a mercantile-charter strict constructionist, in other words. But apparently...

Something Truly Weird Happened At Disney World’s ‘Hall of Presidents’

Here they are, America's presidents -- all of them! All of them. What in the name of "Leo Smoot" is going on here? As a reward for sitting through that, here's the android Lincoln at Disneyland having some troubles: Thanks...

Anti-Immigrant Fanatic Found Guilty of ‘Home Invasion Murders’

Are you a little worried about the lunatic anti-Mexican gangs of middle-aged white slobs "patrolling the border," for America? You should be worried: The leader of an anti-illegal-immigrant group was convicted Monday in a home invasion that left a 9-year-old...

Michelle Obama Will Cure Your Obesity and Failing Love Life

As we all know, First Lady Michelle Obama is a style icon, a champion of healthy eating, and a superhero. But she is also an expert on love, especially when it comes to romancing President Barack Obama. And thanks...

Meet Fred Karger, the First Openly Gay Republican Running For President

Presidential hopeful Fred Karger is anti-war, pro-pot and single-handedly revealed that the Mormon Church bankrolled Proposition 8. He's also an openly gay California Republican Jew who has a major hard-on for Ronald Reagan! But whatever. If a half-Muslin Kenyan...

Kathryn Jean Lopez Asks Someone To Tell Her About Being Married

It's Valentine's Day, everybody -- otherwise known as "the saddest day at National Review Online." But NRO editor Kathryn Jean Lopez isn't one to hide behind her sadness and resignation and Jonah Goldberg screensaver (when he was young and...

Austin Is Awesome, Plans $50-Per-Year Electric Car Charging

How would you like to pay $50 per year to drive your car around? Instead of, say, a thousand dollars a year for gasoline (soon to be $2,000 a year)? The Austin City Council is considering a fifty-buck annual...

Obama Reveals New Budget That Won’t Be Approved

President Obama unveiled his 2012 budget proposal today, and everybody who pays attention to these things said, "Eh, too much/not enough." Even with the tax increases for the wealthy and the humble request that U.S. multinationals occasionally pay a...

Woman Who Says Todd Palin Sexed Her Also Says Trig Was Faked

There exists a rumor that Todd Palin had sex with some Alaska massage lady. Is it true? Doesn't matter. There was an opening in the media patchwork for a Todd Palin sex rumor, and somebody filled it. Luckily for...

Iran Protests Go Crazy (Somewhere John Bolton Is Planning To Nuke Iran)

Whoa, guess where the latest Muslim-land protests are happening? Iran! A funny thing is how Iran's religious-fanatic leadership first praised the Egyptian revolution (which has been officially been named the January 25 Revolution, which like all date-based revolution names...

Haley Barbour Sticks Foot In Mouth By Declining To Be Racist Against Mexicans

Haley Barbour said on Fox News Sunday that there was nothing wrong with his lobbyist past. "I am perfectly glad to look at the clients that I worked with when I was there," he said. But there's a but: Barbour...

Gabrielle Giffords Now Able To Curse Out Guy Who Shot Her In Head

Here's an important development in the 2012 race to replace retiring Arizona Sen. Jon Kyl: Gabrielle Giffords can now speak, or at least lip sync and "verbalize" words. She is making progress. She is progressive. She delights progressives with...

Egyptian Military Dissolves Parliament, Calls For Elections

Egyptian military leaders say they are dissolving the pro-Mubarak parliament and suspending the constitution, with the intention (allegedly) of holding elections within the next two months. Military police are still trying to mop up the remaining protesters in Tahrir...