Lapdances So Much Better When Strippers Have Living Wage

Strip Clubs Have To Pay Strippers, Unfair To Strip Clubs!

Still trying to wrap our heads around the 'George' thing.
Big labor news: Turns out that strip clubs can’t actually operate on the same principles as 19th century coal mines. A class action lawsuit against New York strip club Rick’s Cabaret awarded over $10 million in back pay to about 1,900 dancers the club had treated as ...
  No carrot cake for you

Nancy Pelosi Wishes John Boehner A Socialist U.S. American Birthday

Boehner Has A Reason to Cry Now
Weeper of the House John Boehner turns 65 years drunk today, so of course we all want to wish him the most heartfelt and sincere happy birthday, just like the once-and-future Speaker Pelosi did. To honor this momentous occasion, let us all raise a shotglass of bourbon in his honor. Pour it out ...
  he seems nice

Ferguson Cop Darren Wilson Has Always Been Calm, Respectful Of Citizens

Man, proud man, Dress'd in a little brief authority
So with a decision (or more likely, a non-decision) coming soon from the grand jury tasked with finding Ferguson, Missouri, police officer Darren Wilson completely justified in shooting Michael Brown to death — that is their job, right? — this bit of completely unrelated video made ...
  ballroom blitz

Federalist Society 2014: Conservalawyers Throw Constitution Terrible Party

If you were in the nation’s capital over the weekend, you might have sensed a certain something in the air. Beyond DC’s typical ambient pomposity, there was an extra whiff of self-satisfied libertarianism and an elevated concentration of unironic bowties in the area of Connecticut ...
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Evolution Is For Communists And Other Classics

With so much controversy around science these days, who’s to say what’s right and what’s wrong? Whittaker Chambers is who’s to say what’s right and what’s wrong, that’s who. Yes, it’s November 2014, and Sarah Palin is taking time to explain that ...
  Here have some news n stuff

Who Wants Open Interwebs? Oh, Just Everyone

This joke never gets old
You’d think, from the reaction of certain especially loud dudes on the right, that President Obama’s support of net neutrality was like proposing Obamacare for the internet. Or even the Holocaust. But despite what a few blowhards on the, AHEM, internet say, even conservatives think ...
  Maybe Those Ladies Said 'No' The Way That Means 'Yes'

Rush Limbaugh: Stop Being Mean To Bill Cosby Just Because He Maybe Raped All Those Ladies

It's all about context man
Rush Limbaugh — the greatest defender of black men and also the guy who is single-handedly trying to change the rape culture to reprogram boys to not do that — has some thoughts on Bill Cosby, who is black, and on rape, which is wrong. Because we certainly would not want to get a ...
  Is This A Duggar I See Before Me?

Sundays With The Christianists: Shakespeare Was A Pagan, Maybe A Homo

Lord, what fools these Colorado radio preachers be
Brush off your iambic pentameter, ye Wonklings, because this week, homeschooling advocate, radio preacher, and culture warrior Kevin Swanson is taking on that arch-apostate, the Immortal Bard Of Avon. We’ve been reading Swanson’s not-quite-bestselling e-book Apostate: The Men Who ...
  Weekend clipbait

SNL: Obama And McConnell Get Wasted At Bourbon Summit (Video)

If only ...
It’s the summit you know will (probably) never really happen, but it sure is fun to imagine President Obama and newly selected Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell knockin’ back a few and even finding common ground. Like having themselves a good chuckle prank calling Hillary ...
  Weekend clipbait

Cookie Crust Cheesecake with Persimmon Glaze. It’s What’s For Breakfast.

Are you sitting down? Breaking news! Your Mommyblog/Recipe Hub has baked a cheesecake: Cookie Crust Cheesecake, with a sweet persimmon glaze! I get a psychic tingle when something has fallen off a truck. So I go to the mafia grocery store, because that is what the tingle means. I get there and ...
  All The Derp What's Fit To Herp

Derp Roundup: Science Man Wears Tacky Sexist Shirt, Twitter Has Thoughts

The politically correct war on dorks continues
Welcome to Derp Update, your occasional feature where we purge our browsers of stories that didn’t quite merit a whole post, but were too remarkably stupid to ignore altogether. Fear that your brain cells may be harmed by exposure to toxic weirdness? Dilute! Dilute! Top Derp this week ...

Peggy Noonan Compares Obama To Nixon For Some Reason (She’s High)

She had packed away her respirator after the big Ebola scare and joined the rest of the great city in resuming a normal life. After all, the holidays were coming. Soon would be Thanksgiving, with its feasts of turkey and stuffing and wine. Then holiday dinners and parties, with feasts of meat ...
  In Case You Missed it

Wonkette Week In Review: All Your Favorites — Or Somebody’s, At Least — In One Convenient Place!

Don't miss a single thrilling moment!
Ah, the weekend. A chance to unwind, to sleep in, to catch up on the nicer things in life — like the ten bestest Wonkette stories of the week, as determined by which stories were shared the most on our Facebook page — as everyone who read The DaVinci Code knows, popularity is always ...
  Rye pancakes rye pancakes rye pancakes I cryyyyeee

Yes They’re Drunken Pancakes, Because You’re Still Drunk

Here’s a recipe that puts a slight twist on regular old pancakes. The inclusion of rye flour affords marginal health benefits while adding flavor and a little heartiness to your flapjacks. Put them on a breakfast plate with butter and maple syrup. Also, too, if you make the batter thin ...
  It's A Series Of Rubes

Alex Jones Explains How Net Neutrality Is Hitler

Why would anyone doubt this man?
Now that the right has decided Net Neutrality is evil, because Barack Obama likes the idea of keeping the Internet free and open, it’s pretty much become a game of one-upmanship. First, Ted Cruz said that Net Neutrality was Obamacare, then Donald Trump decided it was the reincarnation of ...
  It's A Series Of Rubes

Relax With A Boozy Old Fashioned Lady

Do you enjoy cocktails made with egg whites? Of course, you do. Oh, you over there, you say you don’t? How can you be so sure if you’ve never even tried one? Try one; try this one. It is boozy, and it is delicious. The egg white is all about the texture of the drink. When done ...
  louie louie

Louie Gohmert Takes His Crucifixion Porn Fetish To The Floor Of The House

fap fap fap
Up top is Texas toadstool Louie Gohmert on the House floor a little while ago, giving one of those speeches that reminds us all he is democracy’s greatest orator since Cicero. What important topic could the toadstool be expounding on, with visual aids that appear to be blown-up stills from the ...
  louie louie

Missouri KKK Just Thrilled To Bits About Coming Ferguson Race War

DC stands with Ferguson
A Missouri-based affiliate of the Ku Klux Klan is circulating a clumsily designed flier vowing to “use lethal force as provided under Missouri Law to defend ourselves” from “terrorists masquerading as ‘peaceful protestors,’” reports Vice News. Here’s ...
  Red Dawn II: How Tiresome

Will Putin Spend Retirement Sunbathing In Miami With All The Other Airplane Murderers?

Cheer up, Vlad. Being accused of blowing up an airplane isn’t the end of the world. Worst case scenario, you can always move to Florida. Just ask CIA-trained terrorist Luis Posada Carriles, who managed to escape from prison while on trial in Venezuela for dynamiting a Cuban airliner, ...
  Couldn't Happen To A Nicer Corporate Scumbag

Evil Murdery Mining CEO Don Blankenship Indicted For Being Unbelievable Dick

Don Blankenship at a -- get this -- Labor Day event.
This post brought to you by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Coalmine Explosions, Oil Spills, and Occasional Revenge Fantasies. Yr Wonkette is a generally peaceful sort, a secularist who believes that people should try to be nice to each other and to get along. We don’t believe in the ...
  begun this war on christmas has

Begin War On Decadent Western Christmas With Elizabeth Warren Mug, Da

It’s the most wonderful time of the year: the War on Christmas. And to celebrate, we have a new coffee mug, which you will buy now. In fact, knowing you, you will buy seven of them. Here is the front side: Our coffee mugs have two sides, or your coffee would spill onto your bosoms. Here, ...
  In the LIne Of...Fire All These Idiots

Secret Service Even More Clusterf**ked Than We Thought

This is a big dumbfuck deal
Just in case you were waiting, the other shoe in the Secret Service Keystone Kops saga has dropped. This dumb scandal is starting to look like Imelda Marcos’s closet. The White House did a big internal review, and some kind soul leaked a copy to the New York Times. In addition to all the ...