Wonkette

OMG PEOPLE ARE TWATTING ABOUT REAL WORLD DC TWATS! First, MTV built “love sacks,” and we did nothing. Now, the actual cast of this program, well they are walking around DC! People are doing the Twitter about this! We may have to send Intern Riley over there to hand out some poop-tarts. [Washington City Paper]

Huzzah for the Can-Do spirit of Americans, who continue to just pile on the pounds despite the nation’s crushed economy. Turns out you don’t need much money to become obese! And without jobs, Americans have more time than ever to sit in front of teevee eating another bucket of corn-syrup taco-ball cheezey-poop pasta-bowl Grease Dipperz™. So, let’s all give a KFC double-drumstick round of applause for Mississippi, with a literally staggering 32.5% of its population medically obese. Second prize (a truckload of trans-fat soaked Chocohoglick-brand chocolate-flavored Globulez™) goes to West Virginia, Alabama and Tennessee, each boasting obesity rates of 30% or higher. MORE »

Thursday, July 2: To honor America for kicking ass since 1776, Z Burger out in Tenlytown is hosting a hamburger-eating contest starting at noon on Thursday. Whoever eats the most burgers in 10 minutes wins $1,500, among other prizes. Registration is already closed, but you should for sure go and watch the spectacle. Nothing says “Happy Independence Day” like people vomiting hamburgers. Our founding fathers would be so proud. [Z Burger] MORE »

Hmm. So maybe there is one of those “God” things after all? When asked if he’d run for political office, unlicensed handyman and Constitutional originalist Joe Wurzelbacher said, “I hope not. You know, I talked to God about that and he was like, ‘No.’” Joe will be in Austin on July 3 to celebrate the day our anti-Communist Founding Fathers signed the Book of Mormon, which explicitly forbids taxation. Everyone’s invited! [WND via Think Progress]

Mitt Romney thinks he can get elected the Republican president of the United States someday, even though he served as the governor of the People’s Republic of Taxachusetts and instituted a Cuban healthcare regime while in office. To commemorate his unhappy tenure as a hostage of the Massachusetts state legislature’s overwhelmingly Democratic majority, the state unveiled an official portrait of the former governor yesterday. If he looks uncomfortable, it’s because of the rectal spindle that attaches him to the desk. UPDATE: MORE »

Ha ha, Reuters, you are dirty. You have crossed even Mark Sanford’s line. (Thank you “R T” for this foulness.) [Reuters]

Here, take a break from Todd Purdum’s 98-million-word rehash of everything awful about Sarah Palin and cleanse your brain with this bizarre interview the Alaska governor did with Runner’s World! Did you know that Sarah Palin is so weirdly secretive about EVERYTHING that she made the Secret Service swear not to tell anybody about this one time she fell while jogging? MORE »

• The black box of the most recent Airbus plane to crash in the water has been located. [BBC News]
• The ousted president of Honduras threatens to return; the new president says he’ll be arrested if he does. [Washington Post]
• Huzzah, the month of June saw the fewest job cuts since October of 2008 — a month which, you’ll recall, was pretty goddamn grisly, in terms of job cuts. [Reuters]
• The first day of Iraq’s auctioning of oil-field development rights didn’t go so well after foreign companies balked at the paltry incentives the Iraqis were offering. Now Iraq’s cabinet is reviewing stuff and discussing the issue, which is to say, “talking it over with my manager,” exactly like a used car salesman. [AFP]
• As American troops finally withdraw from Iraqi cities, WaPo’s Dan Balz asks, “Have we forgotten Iraq?” Iraq who? [Washington Post]
• Another poll shows support, or not, for President Obama’s health care plan.[CNN]

It’s almost like they had this campaign-money solicitation prepared even before Norm Coleman conceded!

“ST. PAUL, Minn. – Republican Norm Coleman conceded to Democrat Al Franken in Minnesota’s contested Senate race on Tuesday, ending a nearly eight-month recount and court fight over an election decided by only a few hundred votes.” [AP]

• ARREST MARK SANFORD FOR WAR TREASON! Now that Mark Sanford has arbitrarily admitted that he saw Ms. Lady from Argentina seven times instead of three in the past year, and that he fingered millions of other ladies, he will finally be rendered to Azkaban for war crimes: “COLUMBIA, South Carolina (CNN) — The attorney general of South Carolina on Tuesday asked the state law enforcement division to review Gov. Mark Sanford’s travel records after the governor admitted to more visits with his mistress than previously disclosed.” [CNN]