This Tale Of A Snail Finding Another Snail To Fuck Then Promptly Dying Will Warm Your Black Heart

We are not writing one more political post today and you can't make us.

President Bannon Gives ‘Values Voters’ Jesus-Gasms Over Trump Murdering Their Healthcare

Some people have really weird 'values.'

Let’s Check In With The Dumbest Dipshits In The Whole Wide Russia Scandal!

Let's see what The Moron Squad is up to! Spoiler Alert: IT IS STUPID!

What The Fuck Is Wrong With Donald Trump, Besides Absolutely Everything?

Somebody missed their shift at the adult daycare AGAIN.

Wait, Did Bill O’Reilly Just Ruin Cute Animals?

We bet you thought you already hated Bill O'Reilly as much as it was possible for you to hate Bill O'Reilly

Trump Will Save Puerto Rico And California Soon As He’s Done Writing These Terrific Tweets

Maybe if the wildfires and hurricanes said more nice things about Donald Trump...

Trump Thinks It’s SO FUNNY How Mike Pence Wants To Hang All The Gays, Like LOL!

To be fair, maybe Mike Pence said he likes his gays HUNG.

Donald Trump Jr. Has Some Opinions About Sexual Predators Who Aren’t His Dad!

Thanks for your important contributions to this conversation, Junior.

Failed Indiana GOP Candidate Sends His Holiday Pipe Bomb Early This Year

For once, it wasn't 'a quiet fellow who kept to himself.'

Healthiest President Ever Puts Lady Justices On Death Watch

THIS GUY is going to talk about someone else being unhealthy?!?!? President Pannus needs to sit the fuck down in his electric stroller and roll on home.

Trump Declares War On GOP For Jesus. Wonkagenda For Mon., Oct. 16, 2017

Trump brings back Christmas, Bannon goes to war, Trump can't wait to 'You're Fired' SCOTUS Democrats. Your morning news brief.
P.S.: I am not a crank

Deleted Comments: Wonkette, Your Filthy Mouth Is The Best Thing About Your Reportage

Listen: Wonkette's deleted comments have come unstuck in time.

The Week In Garbage Men: MGTOWs Are Jealous Of Harvey Weinstein

Ban Men. Also this is your OPEN THREAD!

Will Feminists Send Todd Starnes To Jail For Being Too Manly? Probably!

Todd Starnes may want to look into the definition of 'toxic masculinity.'

Does Donald Trump Even Know What He Did To Healthcare This Week?

Trump is so proud of how he is ending healthcare subsidies for poor folks, and also making insurance that doesn't cover anything more widely available!

Your Weekly Top Ten Is COMING TO KISS YOUR FACE!

YOU COME READ YOUR TOP TEN STORIES RIGHT NOW!

Trump Had No Idea He’s Raising Taxes On Middle Class. Trump Should Read Wonkette.

Trump should spend less time at Infowars and more time at yr Wonkette! He can start with your OPEN THREAD!

Newsweek: Other Than The Pedophilia, Mr. Hastert, What’s On Your Mind These Days?

Newsweek? More like News WEAK, amirite?

Which Of Trump’s Idiot Lawyers Is Leaking Like A Pee Diaper? NOT TY COBB!

No Donald Trump's lawyer Ty Cobb is not a leaker! Why ever would you ask that?

Hi, Maggie Haberman! New NYT Social Media Guidelines! Did You Read Them, Maggie Haberman? DID YOU?

A little fan-mail, from yr Wonkette to Maggie Haberman.

Donald Trump, The Wharton School Of Business’s Everlasting Shame

Rex Tillerson may have understated the case a bit.

Maxine Waters Went To Work Yesterday. Ben Carson Was There. UGH.

Wherein Maxine Waters tricks a sleeping Ben Carson into disagreeing with Donald Trump.

Boise, Eugene, Sacramento, Sonoma And Cali Coast: Clean Up, Company’s Coming!

Sonoma, we are crazy worried for you!