Eric Bolling Demands $50 Million For … Sending Women Dick Pics, We Guess?

He better hope no one has screenshots.

Sounds Like Anthony Scaramucci Needs To Take His Blue Dresses To The Cleaners

Anthony Scaramucci says New Yorker reporter Ryan Lizza is the Linda Tripp of 2017, so doesn't that mean Anthony Scaramucci is ... no, he couldn't possibly be saying that!

Hang On, Trump And McConnell Still Beating Shit Out Of Each Other Over Obamacare

Donald Trump and Mitch McConnell are having an old man slapfight. It's a shame they can't both lose! Oh, wait.... THEY CAN!

Trump Wishes He Had A Doomsday Machine. Wonkagenda For Thurs., Aug. 10, 2017

Trump STILL doesn't understand the nuclear triad, James O'Keefe shoots himself (again), and Benghazi's back (again). Your morning news brief!

Hello, I Am Jill Stein, And I’d Like To Kick Myself In The Dick Some More Please

Jill Stein is alarmed by this bellicose Donald Trump fellow, beating the drums of war against North Korea! Too bad none of this could have been prevented :(

America Made So Great Again That New Wave Of Refugees Is Fleeing To Canada

We're living in a dystopian sci-fi novel now. Watch out for C.H.U.D.s.

Is Shitweasel Rep. Devin Nunes Sending GOP Staffers To England To Harass Christopher Steele?

What the fuck is wrong with him? (SPOILER: Everything.)

GOP Senator Worried McCain’s Brain Tumor Made Of Empathy

Why did John McCain refuse to suddenly eliminate healthcare for millions? Must have been funny in the head.

OK, Which Of You Libs Faked The Minnesota Mosque Bombing? Seb Gorka Is Just Asking!

Why would Donald Trump comment on a mosque bombing before Hillary Clinton's emails have been investigated, again?

Robert Mueller To Paul Manafort: Knock Knock, Motherfucker!

The FBI raided Paul Manafort's house on July 26, probably because the Trump-Russia investigation is a total hoax.

Was Donald Trump High AF During That Opioids Press Conference?

Donald Trump's Opioid Commission had lots of recommendations. But he's just going to lock up brown people instead. We cool?

Trump Uninvites North Korea From His Birthday. Wonkagenda For Wed., Aug. 9, 2017

Trump pouts the world into nuclear threat, Kellyanne Conway wonders if you're high, and Sean Hannity loses his shit on Mitch McConnell. Your morning news brief!

Fire, Fury And Quite Frankly Kittens. You Need Kittens Right Now.

It's too early to panic. Maybe when he starts talking about launching us on the Great Journey to the Stars ...

Meet ‘Nicole Mincey,’ Donald Trump’s New Imaginary Black Friend

Russia? Real but confusing. Black lady college student selling Trump crap? Fake, and more confusing than Russia.

Trump Reacts To Scary North Korea Nuke News By Bitch-Tweeting About Hillary

America, this is your reality. Thank a Trump voter today!

Jeff Sessions Loves Cops, Except Mexican-Loving Chicago Cops, Who Are Bad

The Department of Justice will help cops fight crime by docking their allowance. We wish we were kidding.

FCC Saving America From Anti-Trump Bias In Local Weather Reports

Hey, how about news that's as biased as Fox, but doesn't reveal its ideology openly?

Salt-Of-The-Earth Trump Racist Stephen Miller Lives In VERY SEXXXY ‘COSMOPOLITAN BIAS’ DC DIGS!

Stephen Miller is JUST LIKE YOU, deplorable Trump supporters!

Rex Tillerson Has Fun Sleepover With Murderous Philippines President, Like BFFs Do

He may be a mass killer, but at least he's not boastful about it. This week, anyway.