Wonkette

THIS ONE IS HAPPY, AND IT’S ABOUT CRITTERS! You all get so bummed out by your editor’s gloomy desert apocalypse columns. But this one has comical mountain sheep! [LA CityBeat]

We had a hard time watching the whole thing, and this is our job. Did 63.2 million people — 66 million if you count elitist PBS viewers — really watch that dull sleepytime debate last night? That’s what the ratings company claims. Even more people (70 million!) watched the Palin-Biden debate, because hey, that Tina Fey is quite the comedienne! Sadly for the networks, the desperate voters who watched last night’s Obama-McCain show don’t have any money to buy any consumer items, so there were no commercials to pay for the teevee rays which are beamed from space at great expense to every room in America. [Live Feed]

Here’s toilet-mouthed pixie Sarah Silverman, who has launched this plan to make you go visit your Jewish grandparents in Florida and basically trick them into voting for Obama, even though they are super old and afraid of black people and extremely susceptible to Republican goyim yelling “Israel!” again and again. [LA Times/The Great Schlep]

“On last weekend’s rain-soaked Saturday, Groveland celebrated those treasures with a festival in honor of the 40th anniversary of the Wild and Scenic Rivers Act. President Lyndon Johnson signed the legislation on Oct. 2, 1968.” [BLM NewsBytes]

• HERE’S A LITTLE EXTRA, BUY SOMETHING NICE FOR MRS. AIG: The government will give terrible insurance whore AIG another $37.8 billion loan in addition to the $85 billion one it received last month. (Ken mentioned this too!) All you have to do is ask politely and put on a sad puppy face! WOULD ANYONE ELSE WHO MADE BAD DECISIONS LIKE SOME FRESH BILLIONS IN U.S. DEBT? Underwater homeowners, failed financial giants, they’re fixin’ on a windfall alright. Debt is for fairies! Now everyone go max out your credit cards and buy fourteen houses, don’t bother with a mortgage, just give ‘em $3.42 and put the rest on the government’s tab. [AP]

All the world’s great bankers — the Illuminati, Bilderberg Group, Rothchilds and the Trilateral Commission — put on their black robes and met in secret last night, under the Great Pyramids, to try to save their holdings, and maybe help the Global Economy. So all the rich world’s central banks launched a coordinated interest-rate cut this morning. You can probably guess how the markets reacted. MORE »

On October 11 we’ll get a preview of Sarah Palin’s future career: a former insta-celebrity akin to a reality show star who flies around the country to show her face at sports games and clubs and say funny slogans like “Dontchaknow?” for five minutes to a bunch of drunks. Her rate will be $200 in scratch-off tickets, a Bud Lite-sponsored dildo and two baskets of fried shit for supper. This is her future, and it all kicks off October 11 when she drops the hockey puck at a Philadelphia Flyers game alongside some hockey mom contest winner. She has no idea what she’s getting into. MORE »

• When Obama was the nine-year-old boy-king of the Terrorists, in the 60s, he personally gave the order for Bill Ayers to nuke McCain’s best friend’s living room. [Top of the Ticket]
• 100% of the Maverick’s dumb teevee commercials are negative. Only 1/3 of Obama’s are negative. [Marc Ambinder]
• Palin rambles off all the prepositions she knows in addition to the phrase “New York Times” as her response to the question of why Obama’s first marriage to Bill Ayers has anything to do with anything. [Andrew Sullivan]
• Hooray the White House is pink, for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Sarah Palin wants to remind you that Obama is still black. [DC Examiner]
• McCain set fire to John Edwards’ father’s mill, which Americans have been using for centuries to sew the patriotism into flags. And then he shipped that burnt husk of a mill to China, just because he can. [Ben Smith]

David Brooks is an actual MAD MAN! This is what he wrote last Friday in his farty little column: “Palin held up her end of an energetic debate that gave voters a direct look at two competing philosophies. She established debating parity with Joe Biden. And in a country that is furious with Washington, she presented herself as a radical alternative.” So in love! But now he’s 180ed again after realizing that the “radical alternative” she presented herself as was just a filthy malignant tumor — he called her “cancer,” ha ha ha, WHAT? MORE »

Creepy old war-nut John McCain was just having some fun with old veterans today when he called Americans “my fellow prisoners.” Nap time, Walnuts! [JED REPORT]

TNR’s Noam Scheiber has more on that clutch Sarah Palin doodle sheet he found in Wasilla, the one with all the pretty scribble-scrabble — you know, the type of thing parents tell their autistic children to make so that they can relax and drink scotch for an hour. Apparently that doodle sheet wasn’t just brainstorming — she told her mayoral “campaign manager” that it was an actual DRAFT for a campaign poster. Just words and shit everywhere! Obviously this didn’t come to fruition, but the unreadable doodle sheet would later inspire a cover of The Atlantic magazine. [TNR]

MCAIN-PALIN KKK CAMPAIGN UPDATE: Sarah Palin and John McCain have been holding KKK rallies all week, asking the klansmen “Who is the REAL Barack Obama” and getting all sorts of “colorful” responses. At today’s joint KKK rally in Pennsylvania, the dude introducing McCain and Palin fired up the racial death brigades by mentioning “Barack Hussein Obama” two times. Whaddaya think about that, HEGHH?? [HuffPo]

Here is that remarkable video from last night, just after the debate. The news channels quickly cut to their commentators and spin rooms and such, but the C-SPAN cameras stayed as long as there was a candidate in the room. Here’s what to watch for: MORE »

You may have seen this already, on a Liberal website, in which Obama spokesman Robert Gibbs gets in Sean Hannity’s face to ask him why he hates the Jews. This is in response to a question about Bill Ayers. Alan Colmes is his usual “in-house Fox News bitch” self for a while, and then has to mediate, because Robert Gibbs and Sean Hannity are both retardssss. [YouTube]