Wonkette

BEN NELSON WILL NOT INCUR THE PROMISED/FEARED WRATH OF YOUR WONKETTE: The Democratic Senator will vote “aye” on the health care bill, ergo the celebratory Americana disco accoutrement at left. “This weekend, I will vote for the motion to proceed to bring that debate onto the Senate floor. The Senate should start trying to fix a health care system that costs too much and delivers too little for Nebraskans.” Fine, Ben Nelson, you are excused from time-out. [Omaha World-Herald]

Yes yes yes yes. One million copies please. [Tea Party Movie]

That bespectacled Palin fangal, that one from the line the other day, is very taken aback at the liberal bias of facts! Recall Norah O’Donnell gently reminding this human-wearing t-shirt that, you know actually, Sarah Palin supported the bailout. “Where did you hear that?” this Jackie character demands to know, in earnest. It’s excruciating. Anyway, Jackie has some TUFF WORDS for sly Norah O’Donnell that she’s posted on her blog, “Red White and Conservative,” which actually appears to be nothing more than a poorly executed surrealist epistolary novel. MORE »

GOOD THING YOU ARE ON THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW, AND NOT IN A SEX POSITION: A polite congratulations offered from a distance to the city of Washington, D.C. today, which the CDC just named the country’s #1 gross hotspot for highest rate of STDs. D.C. STD rates are three times that of Virginia and four times that of Maryland. Who knew those Late Night Shots people were even still alive? [My Fox DC]

Hey heads up: PETA is offering to take whatever prison that Obama decides not use for terrorist collecting—Guantánamo, or that maximum security job in Thomson, IL that might be New Guantánamo—and turn it into a “All Living Beings Empathy Center.” It’d be symbolic as shit, right, because the Guantánamo human torture can be sort of tenuously conflated to what it’s like to be a farm animal? This is the idea. MORE »

• New controversial medical study ensures that cervical cancer will be the breast cancer of next week. One more’s a trendpiece! [New York Times]
• Members of Congress were very busy and shouty last night in trying to decide who they hated more: Obama or Geithner… [Washington Post]
• …while Catholic bishops easily picked Obama. [AP]
• Please do let the nebbishy hypochondriacs in your life know about the Vicks nasal spray recall. Or actually don’t. [CNN]
• Oprah the Human is self-canceling Oprah the Show in September 2011 so she can work on her own cable teevee station side-project. [WSJ]
• US citizens will probably not be allowed to visit Cuba again after all. By and large this should come as a huge relief to any Cuban familiar with American spring break cultural practices.. [The Hill]

OH HELL YEAH DO THIS THING: It’s the last day of something or other with the Warblog Awards! Details here, from warblog Commenter Gen. Chascates. Thank you, everyone, for your many patriotic votes! [2009 Weblog Awards and these categories too, also]

Blogger Rick Klau’s friend is definitely Rudy Giuliani, noted small-town populist reformer. [Rick Klau via Ben Smith]

Chevy Chase was at one time an area where the average wealthy and powerful lived, and where malls had special names like “Pavilions.” But now, with the addition of the Shops at Wisconsin Plaza, it has become officially beyond aristocratic. Good news for the rest of us: unlike Georgetown, it’s Metro accessible, so the riff raff of the District are welcome to indulge in all its shops and restaurants. MORE »

Poor self-important freshman Senator Claire McCaskill. She’s been in the Senate for nearly three whole years now and it’s made her tired and sad and maybe everyone should just give Congress a break, because what’s most important to the American people is that every current senator gets re-elected: “I don’t think anyone’s excited about doing another really, really, big thing that’s really, really hard that makes everybody mad. Climate fits that category.” Ugh, AMEN, cause then you’ve got to read it… write it… explain it to people… organize… make up your mind… this is not what Claire McCaskill expected the Senate to be like! It was supposed to just be super easy votes on awesome things like wars and other wars and tax cuts and junk. [Ezra Klein]

CANCEL YOUR DISCO DANCING PLANS! Whoa it’s a Drudge Siren, who died and what was the hooker’s name? No, damnit, this is a health care update! Harry Reid has filed a motion to proceed with debate on his Senate health care bill, and a cloture vote is scheduled for 8 p.m. this Saturday. This will be the first of two procedural votes requiring 60 votes before a vote on the final bill. Joe Lieberman has said he’ll vote for this one, but three other self-centered liars from “Real America” are still thought to be Wavering. They should come around. If not, your Wonkette will type unusually mean things about them, every day, until they’re voted out of office. [TPM]