Oh, it is ONOn Fox News recently, John McCain told Howard Kurtz that Jon Stewart was unfair to Republicans, but that it didn’t matter because Stewart is merely one of those lying late-night comedians:

“When he says things that are absolutely wrong he gets away with it … It is what it is. I frankly have no beef with late night comedians who make fun of politicians. That’s the nature of the business.”

Well Jon Stewart will not let this aggression stand, man.

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Grraaaarrrggh!Well this is embarrassing, or would be if hucksters had any shame: JZ Knight, the New Age goofball who was briefly big on the woo-woo circuit when she claimed she could “channel” the thoughts of a “35,000-year-old warrior” named “Ramtha,” is trying to sue the chainmail pants off a couple of former followers who videotaped her ranting against Jews, Mexicans, gays, and the ancient Hittites, who really shouldn’t have to put up with that crap from a lousy Lemurian. READ MORE »

Unitarian services, as imagined by Operation Save AmericaJust in case you thought that going to your own church might be a good way to avoid fundagelical nonsense, we learn today that some nice people from “Operation Save America,” an offshoot from the radical anti-abortion “Operation Rescue,” would like you to know that they are taking their campaign of Christian Love to minister to people all over the place — and even in churches where they’re not welcome! Last Sunday in New Orleans, some volunteers from the group invaded a Unitarian church service so they could set those godless Unitarian-Universalist heathens straight and let them know they were all bound for Hell. And they brag on their webpage about what a great job they did of witnessing to the sinners right there in that “Synagogue of Satan.” READ MORE »

MadAboutAThingDon’t you just hate feminism? Of course you do. Feminism is so old-timey and unnecessary and also very mean to men because when women say stuff — like “That sportsball star raped the shit out of me” or “Hey, Mr. Boss Man Sir, why are you paying me less than my male colleagues, HUH?” — it really hurts their feelings. Like, really a lot.

Sure, maybe we might have sort of needed feminism, like, a thousand years ago or whenever the first wave of feminism started, who knows, history is a man thing, and I don’t like to crowd my lady brain space with man things because I’m a lady, goddamnit, I’d much rather let men keep track of that stuff so I can focus on SHOOOOOOOOES. But look. We get to vote. We’ve been able to have credit in our very own lady names for a whole 40 years. We have the right to go to doctors (sometimes) and receive Jesus-approved health care (sometimes), and all we have to do is listen to some sidewalk counseling about how we are murdering babies like the baby-murdering whores we are, which is TOTALLY not a big deal at all, so long as those sidewalk counselors don’t try to kill us or our doctors, but hey, if we didn’t want to be killed, we wouldn’t be there in the first place, and you know how freedom isn’t free so it is definitely totally not a big deal at all.

Fortunately, for the stupid feminists out there who just do not get why feminism is bad, there is a hot new trend on the internets of ladies fighting against ladies who fight for ladies. Let’s call them the Ladies Men’s Rights Auxiliary — or Lamers for short. READ MORE »

Yeah, nobody could've seen this coming.Hey, remember how we told you just a little while ago about how the DC Circuit Court had done nonconsensual ear sexing to Obamacare? Well that story is still a True Thing, but today’s news cycle is determined to mess with our blood pressure, and so OF COURSE within a couple hours of that DC decision, the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals, based in Richmond, Virginia, ruled in a similar but separate case that, hey, NO WAY does the ACA restrict subsidies to the state exchanges — Congress’s intent, it decided, was very definitely for a national plan that didn’t penalize people for living in a state where the legislature was too stupid or ass-fucking-backwards to build its own exchange. READ MORE »

Once in a while, the crazy winsCongratulations, wingnuts! One of those longshot legal challenges to the Affordable Care Act finally found a sympathetic venue! The D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled today that, thanks to a technicality in the way the law is written, subsidies for insurance premiums cannot be paid to people who sign up through the federal exchange. It doesn’t quite kill Obamacare — it just throws it into chaos and sets up an inevitable Supreme Court case. Let’s take a look at this latest stinking pile of awfulness, shall we? READ MORE »

Things Donald Sterling has never said

The legal proceedings surrounding racist jowl monster and Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling just took another weird turn. Apparently, Sterling thought that if he just dissolved the trust that owned the Clippers, then he wouldn’t have to sell the team, because poof, now no one owns the team! The trust’s CFO told him otherwise, but Sterling was having none of it. Ensign Deadspin, set lawsplaining engines to warp factor six!

When Donald Sterling dissolved the Sterling Family Trust, the entity that ran the Clippers, he was trying to prevent the sale of the team to Steve Ballmer. It’s pretty simple: if the trust did not exist, it couldn’t sell anything to anyone. Only, it might not be that simple. According to testimony from Darren Schield, the chief financial officer of the Family Trust, the dissolution could cause several banks to find the trust in default on up to $500 million in loans, which Sterling could not repay without selling the team. Oops.

Oops indeed, racist and possibly Alzheimer’s-afflicted Donald Sterling!

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Looks like a tribute to the historic Native American tradition of blowing up breast cancer with grenadesIn our “couldn’t happen to a nicer guy” file, we learn that the Coeur d’Alene Tribe cancelled a scheduled Ted Nugent concert shortly after being asked for a comment on the apparent irony of a Native American tribe hosting a guy known mostly for his paleolithic racist schtick. As best we can tell, the concert was booked by someone at the tribe who thought, “Oh yeah, ’70s rocker guy, sure,” but wasn’t particularly aware of what he’s been up to in the current millennium. And those haterz at the Southern Poverty Law Center were the monsters who are wrecking poor Ted’s free speech rights, since they were the ones who asked the question. READ MORE »

Stewart ClipHere’s Jon Stewart, giving us both of the plausible scenarios in last week’s downing of Malaysia Airlines flight 17: maybe it was shot down by poorly-trained pro-Russian separatists in Ukraine, using surface-to-air missiles provided by Russia. Or there’s the other possibility, floated by those Russian separatists: the plane was loaded with corpses and then made to crash, and the government of the Netherlands is merely pretending that a lot of its citizens were killed to make the separatists in Ukraine look bad, because you know how those Dutch are. And just to sum up what a weird world we live in, Malaysia Airlines now routes its flights from Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpur over a less dangerous place: Syria. READ MORE »

this is apparently an actual production

We will admit that there are well-meaning arguments on both sides of the debate about whether it is wise to generously fund America’s space program. On the one hand, ‘Merica needs that relatively tiny amount of money for lots of other things probably. On the other hand, space is pretty fucking dope. You’ll note that neither of those credible thoughts is predicated on the notion that we shouldn’t poke around in space because aliens are unredeemed by Jesus and would go to hell, if they existed. But that’s because we are not Ken Ham, creationist nutbar extraordinaire.

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nice threads

Did you watch the popular teevee show “Orange Is The New Black”? Of course you did, because if you didn’t, all your friends annoyed you by talking about it endlessly on Twitter. After you watched the show, did you decide that wearing an orange jumpsuit would be the absolute sexxxiest thing you could wear? Probably not, because we have not actually seen people sporting jumpsuits of any color, likely because grown people find jumpsuits both silly and a bit bulky for everyday wear, particularly in summer. But Saginaw County Sheriff William Federspiel is pretty certain that it’s time to trot out the old-timey black and white stripes because everyone has jumped on the orange bandwagon and Saginaw County needs to stay on the cutting edge.

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freedom is real

What’s the most unholy alliance you can think of? Did you say “conservatives and libertarians”? If so, you are totally right! What would make this coalition worse? How about being full of techbros who do cool things like have “conservatarian hackathons” because the world didn’t have enough stupid neologisms? Worse still? How about having the libertarian Godhead Rand Paul come and talk at you about tech so you can all fap together about how cool your Brave New Bitcoin World would be? Yep, that’s pretty much the trifecta of awful.

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Hitler was also a Harvard professor!Having successfully fucked over a Texas charity last week, Stupidest Man on the Internet Jim Hoft decided to try some new formats over the weekend, and attempted a Buzzfeed-style listicle. For instance, based on a tip from a reader, he noticed some ideas in Elizabeth Warren’s ‘Eleven Commandments for Progressives” that were “EERILY SIMILAR” to the “25 points of the Nazi Party” as promulgated by Hitler in 1920. We looked at the two lists, and we have to agree: they are both lists! READ MORE »

The organism will do as it damn well pleasesRush Limbaugh had a supportive shout-out today for Superbowl-winning sportsball coach and NBC sportsball analyst Tony Dungy, who told the Tampa Tribune yesterday that he would never have drafted Michael Sam, who’s just too darn gay. Said Dungy,

“I wouldn’t have taken him … Not because I don’t believe Michael Sam should have a chance to play, but I wouldn’t want to deal with all of it.

“It’s not going to be totally smooth … things will happen.’’

Limbaugh applauded Dungy for his clearheaded concerns about “things,” noting that the St. Louis “Lambs” are “not a football team this season; they are a social experiment.” And god knows that social changes have always been terrible and disruptive for sportsball. READ MORE »

MadAboutAThingUgh, Rick Perry, you really are THE WORST.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry plans to announce he will activate the Texas National Guard at a news conference Monday in Austin, said state Sen. Juan “Chuy” Hinojosa, D-McAllen.

Hinojosa did not have details of the effort, but an internal memo from another state official’s office said the governor planned to call about 1,000 Texas National Guard troops to the Rio Grande Valley — at a cost of about $12 million per month.

I can give you at least three good reasons why this is some seriously all kinds of Texas-sized bull feces. And I don’t even wear glasses. READ MORE »