Wonkette

Chevy Chase was at one time an area where the average wealthy and powerful lived, and where malls had special names like “Pavilions.” But now, with the addition of the Shops at Wisconsin Plaza, it has become officially beyond aristocratic. Good news for the rest of us: unlike Georgetown, it’s Metro accessible, so the riff raff of the District are welcome to indulge in all its shops and restaurants. MORE »

Poor self-important freshman Senator Claire McCaskill. She’s been in the Senate for nearly three whole years now and it’s made her tired and sad and maybe everyone should just give Congress a break, because what’s most important to the American people is that every current senator gets re-elected: “I don’t think anyone’s excited about doing another really, really, big thing that’s really, really hard that makes everybody mad. Climate fits that category.” Ugh, AMEN, cause then you’ve got to read it… write it… explain it to people… organize… make up your mind… this is not what Claire McCaskill expected the Senate to be like! It was supposed to just be super easy votes on awesome things like wars and other wars and tax cuts and junk. [Ezra Klein]

CANCEL YOUR DISCO DANCING PLANS! Whoa it’s a Drudge Siren, who died and what was the hooker’s name? No, damnit, this is a health care update! Harry Reid has filed a motion to proceed with debate on his Senate health care bill, and a cloture vote is scheduled for 8 p.m. this Saturday. This will be the first of two procedural votes requiring 60 votes before a vote on the final bill. Joe Lieberman has said he’ll vote for this one, but three other self-centered liars from “Real America” are still thought to be Wavering. They should come around. If not, your Wonkette will type unusually mean things about them, every day, until they’re voted out of office. [TPM]

Hmm: “RALEIGH, N.C. — The U.S. Army plans to prevent media from covering Sarah Palin’s appearance at Fort Bragg, fearing the event will turn into political grandstanding against President Barack Obama, officials said Thursday.” This will have two effects: it (a) won’t prevent the media from covering Sarah Palin’s appearance at Fort Bragg and (b) won’t prevent the event from turning into political grandstanding against President Barack Obama. But there aren’t really any good options here for Army officials, because you know that Sarah Palin! She always goes rogue, always. She’s a “fresh breath of air,” as they say. [AP]

Not sure if this nightmarish requiem is official, but “sources say” that America’s mayor, Rudy Giuliani — who recently ran the worst presidential campaign in American history, centered around his major career accomplishment of having the worst terrorist attack in American history strike New York City’s two tallest buildings under his watch — is planning to run for Senate in next year’s special election, to fill the last two years of Hillary Clinton’s term. This will be the snarling beast’s stepping stone to the presidency, once and for all! (No, that’s really his plan.) Everyone loves a guy who was mayor of a city 10 years ago! MORE »

Hoochiemama! Teenage cumsicle LEVI JOHNSTON shan’t be accepting the generous Turkey Day invitation from SARAH PALIN, who selflessly offered her home to Levi on national teevee! “You could tell by her laugh she was full of it,” explained Levi. And by “it,” Levi meant “a deep-seated desire to punch me, Levi Johnston, in the dick.” Stay away from Levi’s junk, Sarah! It is his livelihood … MORE »

Unfortunate Rep. Virginia Foxx, who throws words like “tarbaby” around in casual discourse, for some reason said this about the Democrats today: “Just as we were the people who passed the civil rights bills back in the ’60s without very much help from our colleagues across the aisle. They love to engage in revisionist history.” MORE »

Georgia slaveowner Sen. Saxby Chambliss recently participated in this thing from National Geographic, which “invited all 100 U.S. Senators to draw a map of their home state from memory and to label at least three important places.” Most of the participating Senators sketched their states admirably. Chambliss, meanwhile, drew Mississippi, but with more saw teeth on the borders (to keep the Africans out) and a rectangle called “mountains.” This is truly catastrophic. [National Geographic]

RedState’s #1 duosyllabic unisex clown Moe Lane has a lot of big feelings about the recent announcement that some panel now suggests women don’t have to get annual mammograms until they are 50. Now: Moe Lane isn’t an oncologist, nurse, researcher, lawyer, insurance company employee, or federal government employer per se, but he feels pretty confident that HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius’ recommendation that everyone ignore the panel’s findings is some sort of big government conspiracy thing, maybe, to secretly strengthen bureaucracy or something (?). So confident, in fact, that RedSate has a new proto-failed meme: “The War on Breasts.” MORE »

Oh jeez we will have to rewrite this lede to cover the (allegedly!) drunken Democrats who will all be arrested in Hollywood every night until Jesus’ birthday and the New Year are safely behind us: “It’s the holiday season, which means the Northern Virginia suburbs Hollywood are is going to be particularly deadly until January 3 or so, as Republican congresspeople elitist Democrats and their drunken wives and rent boys adult children wreak havoc on the icy semen-slick suburban gentrified urban streets.” MORE »

It’s the holiday season, which means the Northern Virginia suburbs are going to be particularly deadly until January 3 or so, as Republican congresspeople and their drunken wives and rent boys wreak havoc on the icy suburban streets. Congratulations to Charlene Lugar, wife of Republican Senator Dick Lugar, for winning the “First of the Season” award by just crashing into a parked car, because she was (allegedly!) drunk. MORE »