Old Handsome Joe Biden Will Work For You Baby (And Work You, And Work You) Until You Succumb

  Are You Gonna Be His Girl?
Well, here is an afternoon Joe Biden Treat! Watch what happens when a woman refuses to succumb to Joe Biden’s charms because of how she is literally 108 years old, and not like Joe Biden means “literally.” Has any man ever been so constant in his attention, so single-minded in ...

Confederate Flag Genius Takes Ice Bucket Challenge, Lights Self On Fire Like Buddhist Monk (Video)

  Don't Touch Him He's A Real Live Wire
This image says 'August 2014' like no other.
Update: Original video was pulled by user, but we’ve found a copy. Here is a gentleman attempting a super cool variation on the ALS Association’s ice-bucket challenge. Clearly, just holding a bigass Confederate flag (yeah, yeah, “battle flag,” shut up) while wearing a ...

Who Won Battleground Ferguson: Po-Po Or Journos? The Answer Will Amaze You!

  Beat the press
gassy
  As the teargas wafts away from the streets of Ferguson, Missouri, and the some of the members of the media covering the Mike Brown protests start to drift away to cover more pressing stories like the VMAs, let’s take a look back to see who came out ahead in the Battle to ...

Watch Misandrist Mallory Ortberg Tell Male Novelist Jokes, Or You Are Part Of The Problem (Video)

  Somewhere John Updike Has An Inappropriate Stiffy
Comic by Benjamin Stone, who deserves credit, dammit
Since we bashed in the head of our poor little arts-n-entertainment sisterblog, and now it’s all about teevee, we don’t have anywhere else to post our hilarious literary humor, so here you go, Wonkers (besides, we know you. You’re mostly of a literary bent, or at least bent): ...

Oh, Hey, Looks Like Phoenix Veterans Hospital Delays Didn’t Kill Anyone After All

  Now With 40% Less Tragic Neglect
The hardest part was vets trying to reach teh 8-foot number slips on the 12th floor
Here is some news that, if not exactly good, is at least less-bad-than-it-seemed: a VA Inspector General’s investigation has found that while delays in treatment at the Phoenix V.A. hospital were real, and serious, there’s also no proof that the delays led to any deaths. Reports ...

GOP Senate Hopeful Totally Not Sorry For Despicable Ad Exploiting James Foley’s Execution

  No Weh
Let’s say you are a Republican running for Senate in New Mexico against the current and quite popular Democratic Sen. Tom Udall, and your chances of winning are slightly better than a snowstorm in hell. What do you do? If you are Allen Weh, you run the most disgusting ad your campaign ...

Now Is The Time We Watch John Boehner’s Monkey. You Will Watch His Monkey! (Video)

  laugh while you can monkeyboy
Difficult to say which one's been drinking more
It’s time to retire the Oompa-Loompa pics, kids — the new pictorial stand-in for “John Boehner” will now be the windup monkey from this video. You see, John Boehner has a windup monkey in his office. According to the House Speaker’s website, the little bastard is ...

Republicans Are Terrible At The Internet, PolitiFact Kills Irony, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

  Your morning cup of wut?
Good morning, sunshines! Want to know what you missed while you were sleeping? Too bad, we’re going to tell you anyway. Republicans are terrible at the internet. TERRIBLE. And now they have a real hip new video game, circa 1981, to really show them Democrats what’s what. And yes, ...

Minnesota Hunting Lodge Will Allow Gay Wedding After All And Pay For It Too!

  nice time!
Gayer Than Ratzinger's Shoes
Who could use some good news for a change? Oh, everybody? Well, okay then. Here is some good news about two men who wanted to get married in Minnesota, which is a thing two men who want to get married in Minnesota are allowed to do, because that is the law now. They wanted to get married at ...

Stupidest Man On Internet Pretty Sure Restaurant Fight Was Work Of ‘Black Lynch Mob’

  Cue the Scary Black Men Narrative
Hide your kids, hide your wife
Better be a little more afraid, White People, because The Blacks are on the rampage now, driven into a frenzy of anti-white violence by race hustlers like Al Sharpton and Oprah! Stupidest Man on the Internet Jim Hoft brings us this breathless lede: On August 9, 2014, 18 year-old Mike Brown was ...

Ex-Gays Returning To Washington To Cruise For Relevance, Dick

  we're here! we're not queer! get used to it!
Emboldened by the rousing success that was last year’s “Ex-Gay Pride” weekend, ex-gay guy Christopher “No Homo” Doyle and his organization, Voice For The Voiceless, are returning for an encore performance. Will they be able to top last year’s convention, which was marked by a rally at the ...

Texas Ministers Will Protect Teens From Demonic ‘Reading’ Habit

  Can't Kids Just Read Something Nice Like The Slaughter Of The Canaanites?
Where's Bruce Campbell when you need him?
You may have been wondering what we’re going to do with ourselves now that the hullabaloo over Michael Brown’s killing is completely over. Fortunately, there are other good people struggling for the rights of the oppressed, like a group of Texas pastors who are petitioning the ...

Burger King Tries To Buy A Canadian Coffee Store For Fun And Profit

  Taxes are so un-American
YOUR ANGUS IS NOT EVEN REMOTELY PEPPERED, CANADA.
This weekend, Burger King announced that it was negotiating to buy Canadian coffee-and-donut shop Tim Horton’s. Tim Horton’s says it wants to merge because of the “potential to leverage Burger King’s worldwide footprint,” while Burger King says it wants to merge so more ...

Today Is Michael Brown’s Funeral So Of Course Wingnuts Are Pissed About That

  Does this racism look racist to you?
Great question, if you're A Idiot
Today is the funeral of Michael Brown, the unarmed teenager shot to death by Officer Darren Wilson. For people made of actual human being parts, this is a sad and solemn affair. However, in wingnut world, where Officer Wilson is some kind of hero and Brown (a black man) had it comin’ ...

WND Publisher Joseph Farah Just Wants Equal Rights For His People, The Hate-Gay-Marriageists

  And Yet Furries Still Fight For Recognition
Admit it: You only read 'Nostromo' because it was the name of the ship In 'Alien'
WorldNetDaily publisher Joseph Farah is taking a break from his critical work on behalf of birthers and believers in various conspiracies to explain that laws preventing discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation are actually Very Discriminatory Indeed — not against a religion ...

Philadelphia Newspaper Sorry About That Racist Photo Caption ‘Proofreading Error’

  An Hour After The Apology You're Offended Again
Don't You People have a sense of humor?
A Philadelphia newspaper is eating General Tso’s Crow after it let some idiot’s racist photo caption joke go to press. Free weekly paper The Philadelphia Public Record ran the above photo with what would otherwise have been a seriously nothing story about a fundraiser for City ...

Obama To Destroy America (Again) Within The Week, This Time With Messicans

  Mark your calendars
Yep, this is the plan
Hide the children and the sheep, because the end of the world is coming again. And it is President Obama’s fault again. According to Hitler Fanboy Racist Piece of Filth Patrick J. Buchanan (“Pat” to his friends), we have exactly one week before the president burns the whole ...

Dozens Rally In St. Louis To Declare We Are All A Cop Who Killed An Unarmed Teen

  Wow So Empathy
There's Darren Wilson! GET HIM! Or, uh, her...
Buzzfeed’s Jim Dalrymple II went to a rally in St. Louis this weekend in support of Officer Darren Wilson, held at “Barney’s Sports Pub in south St. Louis — a place many described as a popular police watering hole.” At its peak, the gathering attracted between 50 and 70 ...

John Oliver Literally Beats Internet Hyperbole To Death With A Stick (Video)

  clipbait
Exactly as promised
John Oliver’s Late Night Tonight is actually on vacation until Sept. 7, but they were kind enough to upload a short video to help us fill a news hole while they’re gone. This time out, Oliver takes on a sad truth of modern life: “The internet does not know how to describe ...

Tragedy Strikes Really Good Wine, Evolutionary Misfits, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

  Your morning cup of wut?
Too soon, Napa?
At least it’s Friday! (Sorry, that was mean. Let’s try it again.) At least it’s — nah, screw it. It is Monday. We’ll just have to soldier on. Somehow. In case you missed it, there was a semi-decent-sized earthquake in California (or what we natives call ...

You’ll Prefer Reading About Ebola Nurses Over Reading Maureen Dowd In The Sunday NY Times

  Your morning cup of wut?
Look, Mommy! Daddy has an analog tablet!
We’re still getting used to bringing you this New York Times roundup on Sundays, so bear with us. It’s a nice break from “Sundays With the Christianists” (which will be back at some point — there’s no shortage of material), but we’re still adjusting to ...

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah’s Deeply Weird Ice Bucket Challenge

  We Watch So You Don't Have To
The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
A man gave us money to watch the Sarah Palin Channel. That man was Fartknocker. The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge! It’s the viral video sensation that’s blowin’ up your teen’s sexxxphone, or it would be if teenagers still used Facebook. And now that she’s done creating ...