Totally not fair. Princess Sunbutt is white, and many of her best pals are pastel.

Happy "Big Game Sunday" — as all the ads which haven't paid the necessary licensing fee must call it — O ye Wonkers! Are you rooting for the one team of giant men who…

As everyone knows, there are two objectives for any political candidate appearing on Saturday Night Live: Get your face on SNL, and do it without embarrassing yourself too badly. And don't even try to…

Hey, just to prove that Democrats aren't the only party to hold debates on a weekend evening when nobody except political junkies and shut-ins — hahaha, like there is a difference! — will be…

Will this fossil find be retconned into the Spider-Man mythos?

Hope you kids are ready for some full-on nerding today, because it is Saturday and we have news that brings together two of the best topics possible: Science and sexxytimes. Oh, sure, the sexxytimes…

First, Elizabeth Warren decided to persecute fraudulent banksters by naming names of corporate bad actors who were the opposite of persecuted. Senator Warren, have you no shame support of a Justice Department that…

Wonkette Business

Last week, we got a nice note full of nonsense from a lawyer at Universal who claimed that our Bernie For The Future shirt, in which the role of Doc Brown is portrayed by…

Is that gorgeous unit a penis pump for YOUR UNIT? Why yes, it is!

Oh hi, Wonkers. We are aroused to tell you about some product offerings from one of our new friends, L.A. Pump. Yes, they are penis pumps and pussy pumps and clit pumps, and we…

You saved so much money last year by not donating to any of the assorted bigot pizzas, and bigot florists, and bigot bigots. It is time for you to spend that money on YOU,…

Elections Of US America Election: The Game

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Wonkette Primary! Vote!


Guten Morgen, Wonkers, WTF does that headline even mean? Did Hillary Clinton and Ted Cruz actually have a caucus with Satan at the Olive Garden and that's how she winned all those coin flips…

Champers all right for you, Pats? Lovely, Sweetie.

So let's say you're the governor of a state where a city of 100,000 souls has been in the news because you poisoned the water, and where roughly 9,000 children have been exposed to…

These ladies apparently.

OH GOLLY GEE HIP HOORAY, we think we found a story about the Democratic primary that will NOT make anybody weep and wail and gnash their teeths and beat their breasteses and helicopter their…

Good god we can't even

You might have thought last October's story about the 11-year-old Tennessee boy who murdered an 8-year-old neighbor because she wouldn't show him a puppy was one of the bleakest things Yr Wonkette wrote about…

Given that in Sarah Palin, the GOP has a person who is the all-time undisputed world heavyweight champion of grifting, we tend to overlook that some of the rest of them are also absolutely…

Oh Jeb. What did she do to you?

What up, Jeb? Besides losing for president and trying to win supporters who will never come, because you are so pathetic? Oh, we see, you're kiddin' around at a "campaign event" about how terrible…

Sure it's poison. But think of the savings!

Just in case you were feeling extra peppy and cheerful today, we're here to wipe that smile right off your face. Because the water crisis in Flint, Michigan, just managed to get a little…

Though Thursday night's Democratic Debate saw a lot of actual fighting between Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton, it might have been more notable for the aggression that didn't happen. Specifically, Bern and Hill's repeated…

there's that appleheaded vagina mouth we love so much

Raise your hand if you think Donald Trump believes even half of the stuff that comes out of his mouth. Now if your hand is raised, use it to slap yourself in the face…

Thursday night's Democratic debate was fun! As usual, it featured grown-ups saying brain thoughts to each other, as opposed to the poo-flinging zoo creatures on the crowded GOP debate stage. But this time the…

YOU GUYS BETTER BE NICE TONIGHT.

Good evening! We'd like to welcome you to the Wonkette Democratic Debate liveblog, where EVEN THOUGH #FeelTheBern and #FeelTheHillz have been making fighty sounds at each other the past few days, we STILL will…

That's you right now.

What's shakin', DUMMIES? Just sittin' around, bein' DUMMIES? Just fooling, you are not so dumb after all. Because obviously (OBVIOUSLY) you are planning to meet us late this evening here at Ye Olde Wonkette…

A face even a mother could punch.

At the end of January, we all giggled together about how LOL, David Daleiden of the Center For Medical Progress, the guy who made those fake videos that supposedly show Planned Parenthood selling grande…

So you might have noticed that professional douchebag/hip-hop enthusiast Martin Shkreli was all over your Internet this morning being even more of a preening little twerp than normal. Why was this? Because there was…

"Bye, mongrel hordes! Thank you for coming to our inclusivity seminar and barbecue!"

Remember "Heritage, Not Hate," that malignant tumor on the ass of American society that we thought we killed in 2015? LOLNOPE, it's still very much alive and well, although one Georgia lawmaker is now…

Typical.

There goes Barry Barack Hussein The Muslim Obama again, showing everybody what a Muslim-loving Muslim from Muslimistan he is! If you were born on a turnip truck five minutes from now, you probably don't…

That headline is going to take some explaining, so stick with us here.

Alright, so, Finland. You guys know Finland, right? It's the third biggest Scandinavian country, after the ones you always remember first. Its…

Bye Rick.

Oh well, guess Rick Santorum's dreams have died again. Late Wednesday, Santorum surprised exactly no one by declaring that he would no longer be quote unquote "running for president," and that he has decided…

See this pie, ISIS? You can't have none!

When you are a Republican from Maine, you have to work HARD to come up with new ways to be a dick. Sociopath Gov. Paul LePage's SPECIALTY, the thing that gives him morning wood, is taking…

They ain't smilin' no more.

Good morning, Wonkers! Did you watch the super exciting whoa-gazi jam session CNN did with the Democratic candidates last night? Did it send a thrill up your leg and leave a wet spot on…