Yet another victim of the vast government conspiracy

Why are government tyrants always stealing patriots' children over a few beatings?

The "No Doo Doos For Transgenders" ordinance is dead!

Hillary Clinton releases two anti-Trump ads, and trust, they are delightful!

Quiverfull patriarch Vaughn Ohlman presents a thrilling three day retreat where you can pick out a spouse for your teenage kid!

Wonkette Business

Hello citizens! It is I, Sara Benincasa, longtime Wonkette contributor and longer-time Wonkette commenter. I am here to tell you about my new book, Real Artists Have Day Jobs, which you can obtain via...

How long has it been since you examined your box? Do you like to examine it in the morning, when the sunlight hits it just right? When you examine your box, tell us, is...
Truck Fump never looked so good

Do you, like all sentient beings on the planet, have a violently strong distaste for presidential candidate Donald J. Trump (nee Drumpf)? Of course you do! Do you, like so very many others, feel the...

Wonkette Bazaar



I can has nuclear launch codes now?

Donald Trump would never say every idiot thing he is thinking, after all. Nothing could go wrong!

Oh golly, North Carolina idiot Gov. Pat McCrory and the other Republicans who helped create the state's insane anti-LGBT discrimination law are making the saddest panty gravy right now! You see, on Wednesday, Obama's mean...
I'll just be a minute here. Be right back.

You'd think maybe Chris Matthews has been in the teevee journamalism business long enough to know he should assume every microphone is live, but he forgot that little axiom Tuesday night during MSNBC's...

Proctor and Gamble is gettin' sued for firing a lady for being pregnant.
Watch where you point that thing, bub

Alex Jones is kind of a sore winner. After his boy Donald Trump won the Indiana primary Tuesday night and Ted Cruz dropped out of the campaign, Jones posted a rambling shouty video --...
You will be seduced.

UH OH is former Massachusetts Sen. Scott "Nakey Time" Brown having a sad? He got on the radio in Boston to accuse that lady who beat him, Sen. Elizabeth "Badass" Warren, of being a...

What reason is someone using to avoid having to tip now? Oh, Apartheid? Well, that's a new one. Cool. An Oxford University student named Ntokozo Qwabe created something of a viral storm after celebrating...

President Barack Obama spoke for nearly an hour Wednesday in Flint, Michigan, on the city's water crisis, reassuring residents that filtered water is safe to drink, encouraging them to get their children tested for...

Oh hey, it is Wednesday afternoon, which means it is time for your weekly dance party, where we shuffle our iTunes, post the first ten songs that come up at random, and you all...

Hey it's Wednesday, wanna fawn all over Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau for no goddamn reason? Good, we do too. So, the Invictus Games are this really nice thing created by sexxxy Prince Harry,...

We regret to inform you that the latest iteration of the Duggars, "Jill and Jessa: Counting Spawn On" has not yet been cancelled. Turns out prayers don't do shit. Perhaps we need to start...
We're suspending reporters for sexxytimes now?

In your WTF, Really? News today, a blessed distraction from the agita over Donald Trump's Ascension to the GOP nomination: Fox News White House correspondent Ed Henry has been bounced off the air for...
This screengrab is so mean, but why not?

Oh hell, in all our jizz-citement over Ted Cruz running away to eat a million cans of soup by himself in hell, and in our glee about the loser #NeverTrump people beating themselves up...
Help us, centrist liberal! You're our only hope!

Rightwing panic over Ted Cruz's withdrawal from the campaign is manifesting itself in some pretty weird ways. Consider, for instance, this RedState post calling for Senate Republicans to drop their "let the people have...

Did you guys hear the news? NO, Ted Cruz did not die in a fire made out of dildos soaked with the blood of the risen Christ, why would you think that?! But you...

Sarah Palin invites us all to unite behind true 'revolutionary' Donald Trump.

With Donald Trump the presumptive Republican nominee, Tuesday night and Wednesday morning have been time for much panic, many gnashing of the teeth for the NeverTrump folks. It's kind of cute to see their...

As if Frostees weren't already gross enough (shut up, it's just half-melted soft-serve in a goddamned soda cup, they're disgusting), customers apparently have a new thing to be concerned with: razor blades hidden like...

Are you a big fan of Pixar who struggles daily to communicate your homophobic values to your cartoon children? The Jehovah's Witnesses have a solution for you. Do you get squicked out when you...

What's a fast food company to do when duly elected government officials enact a law designed to make companies treat their workers like human beings? In McDonald's case, the answer is "sue all the...