Wonkette

REMEMBER DRUNKY McRAPEY? Jim Gibbons is this incredibly dull/stupid cretin-crook Republican congressman who somehow became governor of Nevada, in the middle of some awful cheap sex-assault scandal. Now his wife has finally left him, the Feds are investigating all his crookedness, people are noticing that he hasn’t actually shown up to work this year, and the Vegas cocktail waitress he (allegedly) threatened to rape and murder has just filed a federal lawsuit against him, for being a scumbag. [Reno and its Discontents/Las Vegas Gleaner/Las Vegas Review Journal]

We don’t really talk about the “comedy” around here because, come on, we are already writing about Sarah Palin every day, for real. But this is kind of cute. This Hayden Panettiere was in D.C. earlier this year, saving the whales. Now she is just cold hatin’ on the old crazy person who wants to kills us all, in the war. Whoa, hey, another one after the jump. MORE »

AFTER THE FALL: “It’s not like you’re going to riot or whatever if your candidate doesn’t win. Americans aren’t exactly in fighting shape. So, anything you do is going to happen on or very near to a couch, if you still have a couch.” [AOL Political Machine]

MURDER & DEATH: “In 2008, this undercurrent of dread is more powerful than ever … and not only because of persistent fears that Barack Obama, potentially the first African American president, might be assassinated. National polls have consistently shown that large numbers of voters are concerned about the health of Obama’s opponent, John McCain, a four-time cancer survivor who at 72 would be the oldest president on Inauguration Day.” [Obit Magazine]

Here’s one for the children of Washington, D.C., with Wonkette’s own Liz Glover interviewing famous local hero rock star Ted Leo of the wonderful elitist band Ted Leo & The Pharmacists outside a Black Cat show last week. He talks about some obscure album someone made once, because that is what indie rock people do whenever they hear a fleeting reference to anything music-related. Then Liz asks about Sarah Palin and he gets “all emo” and start talking about “bullets in bellies.” Why does Ted Leo hate the troops? [YouTube]

John McCain has selected someone to head his — get this — “White House transition team,” and of course the person is an old corrupt Washington lobbyist, so basically JOHN MCCAIN IS PAYING THE LOBBYISTS MONEY FOR SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T EXIST. But! More Scandal! This terrible lobbyist is one William Timmons, a famous goat warlock from Narnia. (Or was that Tumnus? Whatever, they are all hobbits from fantasy closets.) He was also best friends with Saddam Hussein forever, until John McCain killed Saddam Hussein on a cellphone video several years ago. MORE »

As we learned in the Bible yesterday, ACORN is a terrible terrorist organization that is trying to help “poor people” (terrorists) and also wants to “register voters” (fly planes into the World Trade Center). MORE »

JOE BIDEN IS A GENIUS: “For this debate, for part of this next debate, do what I did for part of the last two debates. Literally, turn the sound off. I’m not being… I’m not joking now. Literally, turn the sound off.” No but seriously. Literally. [CBS News]

After Christopher Buckley insulted his dead father’s National Review magazine by endorsing a liberal black Maoist over the Crazyfarts McBombs and Sideshow Moosetits ticket, every editor at the National Review and every wingnut with an AOL account called him a traitor to his own family, Jesus, and The Cause. And so Buckley has now quit his columnist position at the magazine and written a rather brutal excoriation of Modern Conservatism on Tina Brown’s new Huffington Post, The British Space Cyclops. MORE »

• Use Obama’s math machine to calculate numbers ‘n such that relate to how many Saltines and cigarettes you can afford to steal, once you’re a hobo. [Ben Smith]
• Some dude at a theoretical Obama rally may have called erratic lying warmonger John McCain a “liar” and a “warmonger.”  [Marc Ambinder]
• Sarah Palin’s ex-brother-in-law, “Trooper” of Troopergate fame, used to run over wolves with his snowmobile and eat their entrails, for sport. And for laughs. [Daily Kos]
• October Surprise! The stars of the tween veterinary hospital docu-drama Gossip Girl shot a teevee ad about how many trucker hats they own in honor of Barack Obama. [CNN Political Ticker]
• Oh god someone named a newborn “Sarah McCain Palin.” This baby will never stop crying — nor should it. [Jonathan Martin]
• Someone yelled “louder” at Palin during a speech. But the screeching of the wind blowing through her sad, empty head was deafening, so what’s a gal to do except to yell back that dammit, this person should respect America’s veterans. [Crooks and Liars]

One of the weirdest things to watch in American politics is how the wingnuts do these lockstep moves to some “what the hell are they even talking about?” fake outrage, and within hours there are millions of inane illiterate blog comments and chain emails and C-SPAN callers all prattling on about something nobody had any problem with and had never even heard of, say, last week. How does this happen? What is ACORN, anyway? MORE »