Now What Is This A Distraction From Again?

House Benghazi Committee To Investigate House Benghazi Committee

We're just kidding. Nobody's sitting calmly and playing cards in this one.
In a development that absolutely no one could have predicted if they were a blind cave fish happily feeding on isopods in a subterranean lake, it appears that there are Deep Partisan Rifts on the House Select Committee on Benghazi, which is definitely going to get to the true truth about the ...
  romney would have done it better

Obama Is Bad Commie, Shrinks Deficit Again

Glad that's all behind us now
Do you remember the Great Deficit Panic of 2011? How Obamacare and The Stimulus and the GM Bailout were going to bankrupt the country? How our children were going to be left roaming the streets, forced to dumpster-dive for scraps because of oppressive socialist taxes? How we had The Sequester? ...
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Snowmageddonghazigate Hits New York, Impeach … Someone

'I can't feel my hands'
Monday’s Rachel Maddow Show was of course all Snowmageddonghazigate, and they started the hour with Rachel freezing outside at Rockefeller Center. Happily, unlike Chris Hayes, who had to do his whole show outside, Rachel has enough star power to get herself back inside after the first ...
  Eating their own

People Who Think About Gay Sex A Lot Uncover Massive Gay Conspiracy At Fox News

Some people say...
The truth is out there, man, and the truth is pretty damn gay. Fox News’s anti-Christian, pro-butt-sechs bias has been exposed by a handful of brave truth warriors, and we now have completely verifiable and not at all made up evidence Fox has been engaged for years in a massive gay ...
  Get Back Loretta

Wingnuts Find Huge Scandal To Forever End Loretta Lynch’s Attorney General Dreams

Oh, Loretta Lynch, you are going DOWN. A press release from a group calling itself “Frontiers of Freedom” has the goods on a gigantic scandal involving attorney general nominee Loretta Lynch. Or at least the 25 rightwing groups that signed the press release hope so. Allegedly, says ...
  walking while a yale student

Black Yale Student, NYT Columnist’s Son, Pretty Obvious Criminal To Area Cops

Black men ARE allowed here
So which black men are the police in New Haven, Connecticut, pulling guns on today for walking around near the library of Yale University? Oh, probably only the ones who are thugs, and you can tell they are thugs because they are black, so it is pretty easy! On Saturday, Tahj Blow, a third-year ...
  Can We Afford To Let Obama Return From Overseas?

Wingnuts Pretty Sure It Was Illegals What Gave Measles To All Our Unvaccinated Kids

Too subtle?
Break out the ominous creepyscary music of your choice — we’re partial to Bernard Hermann ourselves — because it’s time to tell some scary horror stories about the California measles outbreak! So far, at least 78 confirmed cases have been disagnosed across 7 states and ...
  Steve King sees what Steve King did there

Rep. Steve King Loves Americans From All Planets Except The Messican Ones

Bible's a pretty cool guy. eh saves aleins and doesn't afraid of anything
Oh, Rep. Steve King’s Iowa Cow-Tippers For Freedom convention has been going so well! The space between Donald Trump’s hair and his flag pin told the audience that he woulda beat that Barack Obama in 2012, and how he will beat everyone in 2016 because he’s got that year free ...
  Just Wait Til You Hear About The Tax Cuts

Boehner And McConnell Have Awesome Replacement For Obamacare But Left It In Their Other Pants

Two men, no plan, Nalponnemowt!
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnnell and Speaker of the House John Boehner went on the 60 Minute televisual informatical program Sunday to explain all the exciting plans the Republicans have for uprooting Obamacare and replacing it with something much better, except that the part where they ...
  Aroint Thee Witch

Christian Town In Michigan Being Ensorcelled By Atheist Demon-Man, Smallfolk Panick

Oh bother, oh Baphomet.
The malign presence of Mitch Kahle, a confessed atheist witch-demon, has placed the Goodchristian town of Norton Shores, Michigan, in a Peril of losing its magick protections against evil. Kahle has already used his darck maege powers to beguile the smallbarons who do sitte upon the Ottawa ...
  It's The End Of The World As You Know It And We Feel Fine

Goodbye, Northeast United States, Can We Have Your Stuff?

Spoiler alert: The dog survives
Hey there, Eastern Seaboard Wonkers, we hear that you’re in for a bit of weather. Andrea Mitchell is doing her show in front of a weather radar map, CNN Money is already predicting “Winners and Losers” from the possibly record-setting blizzard of ’15, the usual idiots ...
  Do You Love America Enough? You Probably Don't Love America Enough

Fox News Explains How American Snipers Saved India From Saddam Hussein

And is India even grateful that we saved them from Saddam Hussein? No they are not.
In case you missed it, the latest litmus test for whether you Love America Enough is whether you are an enthusiastic supporter of the movie American Sniper, which you have to love or you are a hater. You see, Michael Moore said unkind things about the movie’s glorification of snipers, who ...
  Trump/Thing On Trump's Head 2016!

President Trump Recalls How Easy Beating Obama Was In 2012

The yoogest, classiest President
Donald Trump was in Iowa this weekend making noises from his mouth hole about the possibility that he will keep talking forever about running for president, and people at Steve King’s CrazyRama actually applauded him. We can understand that, because as we believe we have pointed out, they ...
  insert your own ball joke

Tucker Carlson’s Internet Home For Fascists Who Can’t Read Good Blames Liberals For Tom Brady’s Deflated Balls

We were doing our goddamned level best not to care about or pay attention to the sportsball controversy some moron decided to call Deflategate, because everything needs a fucking “-gate” suffix, because every-fucking-thing is just like Richard Nixon ratfucking the country. Whenever the ...
  meth is a helluva drug

Sarah Palin Yo, She Is Classy As Fuc

No, she is never ever ever leaving. Who would pay for her wigs? Sarah Palin had a busy weekend, going to Las Vegas to eye-fuc this dude, Congressional Medal of Honor winner Dakota Meyers, while holding a sign telling lefty troll Michael Moore to fuc himself right in the surveyor’s marks. ...
  Wild Thing

Obama To Save Lazy Polar Bears Even Though They Don’t Even Have Jobs

Look at these arctic fox babies. LOOK AT THEM
This post supported by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair For Occasional Coverage of Not Spilling Oil All Over the Damn Planet With the Republicans’ top priority being the building of a pipeline to transport some of the dirtiest petroleum on the planet, we’re pretty ...
  He's a total RINO

GOP Senate Drops Words ‘Civil Rights’ From Subcommittee About Civil Rights, Because They Get It

we don't need no
In a move calculated to remind Tea Baggers and gun fondlers that yes, he totally gets it, John Cornyn (R-Texas), the incoming Chairman of  the Senate Judiciary Subcommittee on the Constitution, Civil Rights, and Human Rights, dropped the parts of the subcommittee name that don’t really ...
  Just Like George Wallace

Alabama Judges Forget How Law Works, Sorry Gay Couples

Artist's rendering
Remember when you and all your liberal commie friends were smoking crack rock together, on a Sunday no less, and played that game where you guessed which state would be the absolute dead last to legalize gay marriage? “Utah!” your dealer Ramone said, and then Ramone was wrong. “Florida!” ...
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Meet The Prophet Lady From Bobby Jindal’s Prayer-A-Palooza

Can you say for sure that Don't Ask Don't Tell *didn't* cause freak bird deaths in Arkansas?
Rachel Maddow Show led off Friday’s show with an unforgettable look at Cindy Jacobs, the self-proclaimed Texas prophet who God regularly warns about any number of tragedies — mass shootings, political coups, and so on — which she then prevents or at least reduces the severity ...
  She's SO ready for your call America

Carly Fiorina Will Be Best Lady President EVER, Says Carly Fiorina

She's ready for your call, America
Poor failure-at-everything Carly Fiorina. She really wants to be president, you guys, and she’s still eager to persuade America to want that too. But like everything else she tries to do, she is failing. Sad face. Super sad face. Here’s her latest attempt at seduction, which she ...
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Rewrites McDonald’s Ad Real Good-Like

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
Sarah Palin went to Iowa this weekend. Is she running for President? She’s not not running for President, she can tell you that much! How not-uninterested is she, Washington Post? “I am. As I said yesterday, I’m really interested in the opportunity to serve at some point,” Palin said ...
  all along the watchtowers

Sundays With The Christianists: Their Satanic Majesties Request … MORE COWBELL!

Satan's gang signs -- All the proof you need!
Rightwing radio preacher and homeschooling guru Kevin Swanson is starting to let us down, folks — the penultimate chapter of his e-rant about the inevitable doom of western civilization is just about the laziest attack on the supposedly corrupting influence of popular music that ...