Don’t cry too hard for poor John Derbyshire, thrust squalling from “the hushed, oak-paneled, Chambers-of-Commerce-financed precincts of Conservatism Inc., whose entrance is now barred against [him] by an angel with a flaming sword.” He has now settled easily into the loving embrace of Michelle Malkin and VDare, which is among your more-respectable groups of white supremacists. And what is wrong with white supremacy, wonders John Derbyshire? Isn’t it just another corner of conservatism? Indeed! Splain us please?
This isn’t because conservatism is hostile to blacks and mestizos. Very much the contrary, especially in the case of Conservatism Inc. They fawn over the occasional nonwhite with a puppyish deference that fairly fogs the air with embarrassment. (Q: What do you call the one black guy at a gathering of 1,000 Republicans? A: “Mr. Chairman.”)
Exciting news for any of you who hate medical care and socialism! The Republicans in Congress are working with America’s Next Top President Mitt Romney to coordinate a plan for what will be in their bills replacing Obamakkkare!
The GOP took control of the House last year promising to “repeal and replace” Mr. Obama’s signature health law. So far, House Republicans have held dozens of votes on repeal, but they have yet to produce a broad replacement bill that would try to boost coverage without resorting to the mandate to buy insurance that Mr. Obama’s plan employs — a mandate that is now the subject of a Supreme Court challenge.
That is all very interesting (not really), but we wonder what will be in their modest package of bills? Great things, or the GREATEST things? READ MORE »
Get out your Purple Heart bandages, because it is once again time to remind the American people that The Troops are a bunch of lazy, cowardly, treasonous, unpatriotic, un-American, Kenyan-Socialist-Communist whiners.
If the election were held today, Obama would win the veteran vote by as much as seven points over Romney, higher than his margin in the general population.
The fuck you say! It is almost like soldiers are expressing anger at the toll of a decade of war, questioning the legitimacy of George W. Bush’s Iraq invasion, and worrying that the surge in Afghanistan won’t make a difference in the long run! (And also: don’t really have a hard-on for #WARRING with Iran!) READ MORE »
Remember that whole thing a few years ago, something about how the banks ruined the housing industry, your employment prospects, your children’s employment prospects, and the entire country, really, and in turn got billions of dollars from the taxpayers and continue to rake enormous bonuses and pretty much set the economic policy of the entire nation? Think hard now — remember that? And remember how basically nothing happened to make sure that banks weren’t too big to fail, and how no one went to jail, and how the bankers kept making lots of money while we all went about trying to restore the pieces of our shattered lives? Do you find it “stunning” that such unaccountability acting in combination with the lack of serious financial regulations has meant that JP Morgan kept screwing around with synthetic credit default swaps and lost about two billion or so dollars?
By the time he turned 5, Michael had developed an uncanny ability to switch from full-blown anger to moments of pure rationality or calculated charm — a facility that Anne describes as deeply unsettling. “You never know when you’re going to see a proper emotion,” she said. She recalled one argument, over a homework assignment, when Michael shrieked and wept as she tried to reason with him. “I said: ‘Michael, remember the brainstorming we did yesterday? All you have to do is take your thoughts from that and turn them into sentences, and you’re done!’ He’s still screaming bloody murder, so I say, ‘Michael, I thought we brainstormed so we could avoid all this drama today.’ He stopped dead, in the middle of the screaming, turned to me and said in this flat, adult voice, ‘Well, you didn’t think that through very clearly then, did you?’ ”. READ MORE »
Sure, Obama pushed a little girl in elementary school, and reflected on it and felt bad about it from that day forward; and Romney was such an entitled jerk, always picking on loners and other weak kids that could be culled from the herd, that all his old chums, when contacted by his campaign to stand as surrogates in the recent unpleasantness, said “no thank you, fellows, that guy was a DICK.” But what was Old Handsome Joe doing in his Scranton days? Cold punching people in the face if they made fun of his stutter, no warning, no dancing around with his dukes up, just POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER.
So it is clearly very terrible that we love Joey Biden even more intensely (as if that were even possible!), having read this column-length pout about the unfairness of it all from Commentary. What else did Joey do besides kicking ass constantly? He kicked ass for others!READ MORE »
Mitt Romney has a thing (one) he has stood firm on, and that is that he is against gay marriage. Sure, there was a time as governor of Massachusetts when he managed to be on both sides of the issue simultaneously, both directing his administration to comply with state judges’ “Goodridge” ruling allowing gays to marry while at the very same time working to get backing for an amendment to repeal it. (While he’d run for Senate saying he would be better for gay rights than Ted Kennedy, he also almost managed to abolish an anti-bullying commission for the state’s students, because he thought their pride parade was tacky. This excellent LA Times story has the head-scratching tick-tock.) But he has always said ick, nast to gay marriage while saying gays had a right to adopt. (So just not to have a legal, stable family framework for the children they raise.) That avowal, last espoused on Thursday, was operative for what might be a Romney Consistency Record: almost a full day!READ MORE »
North Carolina Governor Bev Perdue is extremely unhappy with the 61 percent of her tragically dumb constituents who voted to constitutionally ban gay marriage and gay civil unions in the state. How unhappy? Full nuclear insult unhappy: “People are saying what in the world is going on with North Carolina, we look like Mississippi.” OH SNAP. READ MORE »
As Rupert Murdoch’s News International (UK subsidiary of American company News Corp) saga continues in Blimeyland, Americans may not give two faggots about it. But there’s an eentsy beentsy spider of a chance that if Murdoch’s media ship sinks, Fox News might eventually be the last ones on deck singing Nearer My God To Thee. So, listen up while we drop some knowledge.
A British parliamentary committee report released recently, based on the results of the ongoing Leveson inquiry, has already deemed Murdoch “not a fit person” to run an international company. These happen to be the exact words used in the British Broadcast Act as a reason for someone to be denied a broadcast TV license. While the report doesn’t result in any jail time for Murdoch, it kills Murdoch’s chances at grabbing full ownership of SkyTV (British cable news company) and/or he could lose all 39% of his existing shares. Couldn’t happen to a more horrible guy! READ MORE »
Sad Mitt Romney is so jealous of all the thank-you notes and the hot piles of gay dollar bills that President Popular has gotten ever since he belatedly admitted that he thinks gay people should be able to get married. Sad Mitt Romney is not as tragically lame as he appears to be on this issue, okay? Sad Mitt Romney responds that while he is not a fan of gay marriage, he – wait for it – sometimes talks to his gay friends, many of whom own children: “I know many gay couples that are able to adopt children. That’s fine.” This does not bother him, the gays living together and having kids like they are married as long as it is not called married. That is not trying to have it both ways! The only thing that really bothers him is that Barack Obama seems to be the kind of brazen asshole who just says, you know, whatever to win over certain groups. Mitt Romney does not do this, he then actually says. READ MORE »
It’s your weekly Wonkette Friday Who Fought On The Cable News Today post! Who fought on the cable news this Friday? Well there’s MSNBC’s Tamron Hall, the anchor, and then the Washington Examiner’s Tim Carney, a guy who used to be interesting but now just sort of whines about how the liberals suck too, as though we didn’t all know. He starts complaining about how “the media” always has dumb stories and then she gets upset and cuts off his mic. It’s funny. What were they even getting mad about? “META META META NARRATIVE.” “NO, WRONG.” “LET ME SPEAK ABOUT META.” “PFFT.” We have no idea who “wins.” READ MORE »
Yesterday we learned all about how young Willard “Mitt” Romney used to terrorizegay people with scissors during his time at the Cranbrook Boarding School For Youths Of A Certain Gentility. And then our own Kirsten Boyd Johnson was like, “Oh yeah I went to Cranbrook.” Jesus Kirsten, ABOUT TIME YOU SAID THAT much? Anyway, here is our revealing (-ish) interview with her about crashed Porsches and stuff.
Wonkette: Kirsten, you attended Cranbrook several decades after Mitt Romney did. What was he like? READ MORE »
We wonder if there is anything the Catholic Church could be investigating besides the Girl Scouts of America? NO. There is NOT. Nothing at all, move along, move along! Yes, Mother Church is busy investigating whether it should … well, not sure. Thunder from the pulpit about their evil ways? Discourage parish-based troops? Tell the quarter of scouts who are Catholic to jump in a lake … of fire? All of those things, probably, and then some. But the US Conference of Catholic Bishops is very serious about this, like Joe McCarthy-heart-attack serious! Not just because they had that Planned Parenthood brochure that everybody fainted about, nope! Or because they let a little transgender girl join a troop because they are disgusting perverts! Sorry, but it is something WAY WORSE.
Critics contend that Girl Scouts materials shouldn’t contain links to groups such as Doctors without Borders, the Sierra Club and Oxfam because they support family planning or emergency contraception.
The House passed an amendment Wednesday night to get rid of the American Community Survey entirely, on Privacy Grounds. Oh, god, you can hear them through your windows probably, fapping about their privacy. The ACS is a mandatory survey with 48 questions that a few hundred thousand people are chosen to fill out each month. The numbers are used to determine federal spending allocations based on changing demographics and consumption trends and whatnot. It is Helpful. There’s a fine if you don’t fill it out, although the enforcement there is lenient. But since some of the questions ask you about what kind of toilet you have and stuff, this gives Republicans an excuse to say Democrats are watching you poop and so we need to destroy another program. They say it’s “Orwellian.” (Ha ha, that’s from the Weekly Standard, which exists mostly to push through privacy-crushing surveillance bills and make sure as many people as possible are killed and tortured for no reason.) READ MORE »
WELL! Thank you Wonkette operative “OkieDokieDog,” for passing along this film of great beauty and poetry. It is of a Nebraska lady getting all hot and nasty about Gay Sex Orgiers, with their P-E-N-I-S-es. They are Homiciders. And the UN/UNESCO, somehow. We do not know. But it should certainly have more than 313 views, so click where it says “READ MORE” and read more! READ MORE »
Don’t cry too hard for poor John Derbyshire, thrust squalling from “the hushed, oak-paneled, Chambers-of-Commerce-financed precincts of Conservatism Inc., whose entrance is now barred against [him] by an angel with a flaming sword.” He has now settled easily into the loving embrace of Michelle Malkin and VDare, which is among your more-respectable groups of white supremacists. And what is wrong with white supremacy, wonders John Derbyshire? Isn’t it just another corner of conservatism? Indeed! Splain us please? 
The House passed an amendment Wednesday night 
