Charlie was married for like five days way back in 1980, but that didn’t work out so well, due to differences between Charlie and the lady, whoever she was. He had some fake girlfriend last year; we don’t remember what happened to her. And there was that one time Jeb Bush called a reporter a jackass for asking about Crist’s sexytime or something.

His new gal pal is … eh, read the story, we are late for dinner. Happy July the 3rd leading to the July 4 holiday weekend, everybody!!

Crist is engaged [TampaBay.com]

The DNC says you can sorta dress down for summer — but not like a complete whore or a bum! Read the new Dress Code and feel the wind beneath your … uh, skirt.

SUMMER DRESS CODE:

Good news. We are relaxing the dress code. So what does that mean for you? The expectation is that your attire remain professional and crisp despite the weather.

Clean, no holes, no frayed bottoms jeans that fit properly for an office environment are acceptable.

Professional looking casual shirts and blouses - which means collar shirts for men, no graphics or advertisements and appropriate neck lines and waist lengths for women. Summer dresses and skirts should also remain professional in style and length.

Long pants and capri length pants only. Bermuda or knee length shorts are for the weekend BBQ.

One final word and a favorite for many staff. Acceptable footwear are shoes or sandals only - sorry, no thwack, thwack, thwack - translation NO FLIP FLOPS.

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Come back refreshed and ready To Change America and work your heart out for Barak Obama!

THAT IS ALL FOR NOW…ENJOY THE FOURTH OF July!

Yes it’s true: The jackass who sent this email from DNC Headquarters doesn’t know how to spell Barack Obama, either.

When you hear old-school folks like Bob Costas talk about how “meaner” everyone has gotten online, it’s clear they’re missing the point. It’s not that people have suddenly become cruel toward you; it’s just that you can hear them now. Twelve percent of this country thinks Barack Obama a Muslim. You think 100 percent of your readers/viewers are going to love you? But so many people have constructed their careers in a plastic bubble, where only their friends and supporters talk about their work. Now that the Web’s here — and we use the word “now” awfully liberally — it’s amazing how unprepared they are to handle criticism.

Someone Hates You Online. Try Not To Be Offended [Deadspin]

Happy Almost Fourth of July, Patriots! Here is your president George W. Bush mumbling about how the Supreme Court’s ruling on Guantanamo is now the Law of the Land, so he’ll follow it. Clearly, the terrorists have taken the real George Bush and hidden him under the White House bowling alley, leaving this suspicious clone to run out the clock on his presidency. Either that or George Bush is high. WHATEVERS MAN IT IS ALMOST VACATION TIME SO WATCH THIS OR DON’T. [RedLasso]

Rockville preacher Rocky Twyman started the goofy hobby in April, annoying station owners and managers in D.C. — and that’s when prices began rising rapidly. Undeterred, Twyman has spread his dumb movement to places like Florida and Ohio and California. Wherever his prayerful dupes show up, gas prices rise even faster.

Look at these jackasses:

How do you top that? By demonstrating at the Saudi Embassy in D.C., that’s how!

On Monday, Twyman decided to take his movement from Exxon and Shell stations straight to the steps of the Embassy of Saudi Arabia in Washington, D.C., hoping to encourage the oil-rich country to raise the amount of barrels they release each day from 200,000 to 1.2 million.

Saudis have a totally different God that the American Jesus, Rocky! You’re doing it wrong.

Group Asks for Divine Intervention to Ease Oil Prices [CNS]

• At first it looked like Barack Obama refused to trade terrorist fist jabs with a little boy, but in fact he was refusing to write his name on the kid’s hand. (Video here.) This is probably because he knows what kind of price an Obama-autographed human hand would fetch on eBay, and he is an elitist who doesn’t want the Poors to get rich on his autographs.
• Barack Obama called a reporter “sweetie” and then issued an insincere-sounding apology.
• He also yelled at a racist old lady once.
• John McCain called his wife That Word that one time.
• John McCain is also constantly flying into fits of rage, usually when he’s feeling defensive about the latest terrible thing he’s done.

America should have a do-over on this whole election and nominate the courteous, clean-cut dog torturer and the lady who repaid almost $90,000 worth of gifts from her shady friends when it became too embarrassingly tacky to hold on to them.