Looks like the Wonkette photo desk was pretty much abandoned during your managing editor’s long absence, which basically means nobody was raiding the White House Flickr feed for easy comedy blog postings, so forgive us if we GO BACK IN TIME to a special day that is really every single day for all Americans forever: Halloween. MORE »

• Leftist vaginaphobia exposed at last! [Hit & Run]
• 52% of Republicans believe ACORN was the 19th hijacker. [The Plank]
• Haven’t you always wondered what Mother Earth would look like if she rocked some Saturn ring-bling? Enter the YouTubes and MS Paint: she would look fabulous. [Andrew Sullivan]
• The liberal media: not actually communist, or just flirting? [Gateway Pundit]
• There’s really only two things that arouse Matthew Yglesias: heavy petting and the Central Bank. [Matt Yglesias]

What happens when enterprising Americans watch Fox News and use Twitter simultaneously? Constant hilarity, that is what, as you can see from this fun “info-graphic” on the Fox News, which explains how Sarah Palin’s supposedly strong 70% support from GOP idiots is still no match for Huckabee’s 63% support, or Romney’s 60%. What? [Twitter of "Keventhepang"]

UPDATE: Really, a guy with his business covered by a big old towel is “not safe for work” now? WE THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA, etc., but if a nation’s few remaining employed people can’t practice their love on a front-page semi-nekkid Levi Johnston, we will hide the snausage after the jump. NOW BACK TO THE POST: Sarah Palin’s favorite “porn thing” website, Playgirl.com, keeps leaking these pictures of Levi Johnston, teen sex model. Why did Sarah Palin let a known gay-pornography star take the towel off his ding-dong and stick said ding-dong into Sarah Palin’s daughter? This is the biggest political story of all time, forever. MORE »

Keep America Safe, Liz Cheney’s exciting new social thing likely named after some mid-career Waugh novel or other, produced a very serious new work of cinéma vérité, for which Liz Cheney managed to round-up like 6 unhappy people and a piano who all make noises indicating their displeasure with Obama’s idea of transferring the Guantanamo people to the town of Standish, Michigan. Except so now Standish’s City Manager and a lot of people in Standish are making noises indicating their displeasure at Liz Cheney, exploitative lying monster. MORE »

Every single word, basically! [POLITICO]

• The government will run into trouble with its loans once the Fed raises interest rates and might even lose its new 7-bedroom townhouse in Phoenix. [New York Times]
• Pedophiles keep molesting children, despite ankle monitor tracking devices things that strongly suggest they consider doing otherwise. [Washington Post]
• Short-term radiation leak at Three Mile Island this weekend! Pennsylvania is nuclear-capable, which means serious thought must be given to bombing it. [CNN]
• 21 Filipino hostages, including the wife of a guy running for governor, were killed after a rival political gang hijacked their convoy. [AP]
• The Brazilian President invited Ahmadinejad to Brazil, which is something the US might be mad about even though Ahmadinejad goes to New York like constantly. [LA Times]
• Here is the theme of today’s copy of the Internet: this MTV person had a totes scandalous performance on the teenager show. Everyone please hope Andrew Sullivan proves Bristol Palin is a hologram. [MTV News]

Hark, fellow peasants, the House of Lords hath charitably queried its masters and shall permit a rather uncouth “bill of laws” to sully the golden carpets and golden chairs of its exclusive bordello of gold and money and diamonds. We are not worthy recipients of your showerings of mercy, ye angels! MORE »

Democratic Sens. Blanche Lincoln and Mary Landrieu finally called their own bluff and announced at the last minute that they would, controversially, vote to allow the Senate to debate a piece of legislation it has spent most of this year crafting, to help provide affordable medical care to people. What heroes. Their procedural votes for their own party’s major bill cost the nation hundreds of millions of dollars in pork handouts. That’s how Serious About The Deficits they are. MORE »

Chris Matthews, he’s goin’ nuts. Meh. Most of the “issues” on this laundry list are trivial, gossipy tabloid fodder. The only Serious policy item would have to be, in Tweety’s words, “Why DID he bow to that Japanese emperor?” It’s unclear which of the Japanese emperors he’s referring to. [YouTube]

A Wonkette airport ATM-monitoring operative ran into profound Sen. David Vitter last night at Reagan National, and they even shared a flight! HE SHOULD BE READING THE BILL THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS. Not only did he withdraw cash from an ATM — he probably changed his mind in the heat of the moment and did want the extra kinky stuff, which ain’t cheap — but our operative claims he threw another of his trademark airport fits: “LOL…he is so seriously harassing a gate person.. the flight is 2 hours late….LOL…wait, no!!! he disappeared…damnit.” Exactly.