Wonkette
May 24, 2012
New Jersey Mayor Arrested for Trying to Make Internet Quit Saying Mean Things About Him
What comical attempts at cliché villainy do we have out of New Jersey’s ranks of local crony politicians today? Here’s one: the FBI has hauled off West New York’s Democratic mayor Felix Roque and his son on charges of hacking into a website associated with a movement to recall the mayor and then calling up [...]
Handsome Old Joe Biden explained the other day that being a Bain executive doesn’t make you any more special or ready to be president than would being a plumber. Maybe we are wrong (we are not wrong) but it sounds to us like Handsome Old Joe is standing up for the working man, the middle [...]
May 24, 2012
Ungrateful West Philly African Americans Inhospitable To Poor Mitt Romney
All poor Mitt Romney wanted to do was show some “compassion” to a group of African American schoolchildren in West Philly and explain to them that they are only poor because their mothers are sluts and their fathers are deadbeats, and what kind of thanks did he get? No thanks, that’s what kind! Seeking to [...]
May 24, 2012
Iran’s Navy Saves American Ship From Pirates, We Are All Best Friends Now Hooray!
The Iranian Navy says it saved an American ship from pirates, all ‘Unhand that frigate, villeins! What ho, tea, chappie, lorries, Madge, the sun never sets on the British Empire,’ or something, whatever, arrrr. So now we can all be best friends forever! Yay Iran! Yay us! An Iranian warship responded to a distress signal [...]
May 24, 2012
Spain Takes Break From Economic Woes to Laugh at Rick Scott
Perennial top contender for America’s most fervently incompetent governor Rick Scott is working hard for the title even on a trade mission to Spain: He managed to earn immediate ridicule from the country’s 47 million residents within actual seconds of meeting the King of Spain. He’s efficient! King Juan Carlos has lately been in hot [...]
May 24, 2012
Levi Johnston Broke After Squandering Playgirl Pay On Boats And Guns And Stuff
It’s been a fun few years, but now Levi Johnston, once and future sperm gifter extraordinaire, has joined every other 22-year-old in America and become broke and a tenant in his mother’s home. According to a report in US Weekly, Levi has already (“already”) squandered his $1 million winnings from being Mr. Playgirl Winter 2010 [...]
Quick, everybody! To the Youtube version of the Book of Leviticus! There, you can listen about what kind of extra-virgin olive oil to anoint yourself with while you scatter the ashes of BudgetTravel.com’s charred corpse! But why are you sacrificing Budget Travel to your cruel and vengeful Yahweh? Oh, only because it hates all Christians, [...]
Can you type? Or if you can’t type, can you tell like an intern or somebody that you need something typed? Because if you do, you might have a shot at becoming a political producer for CNN, given that these skills are a prerequisite for the job, which seems mainly to consist of typing things [...]
Today, people are re-thinking same-sex marriage and moon bases, and selling off movie theaters. Wait, what? Is this the future? Where’s my jetpack? Same-sex marriage opposition has dropped significantly since the President spoke in favor of it. Oh, so if the President jumped off a cliff, would you too? [Washington Post]
May 24, 2012
Veepstakes! Romney Hero Meg Whitman Out-Bains Bain Capital, Slashes 27,000 Jobs At HP
Why can’t Californians have nice things? Because the “Golden Dream by the Sea” was all yeah eat me when HP CEO Meg Whitman tried to save it from itself the same way she has saved Hewlett Packard! What is it about “Creative Destruction” that California doesn’t understand? As typewriters and steel mills and Hewlett Packard [...]
Malawi has come a Lilongwe in a short time. Last month, longtime autocrat Bingu wa Mutharika died at the ripe age of 78, leaving, gasp, a vacuum of leadership! Enter Joyce Banda. She’d been deposed from Mutharika’s government, yet Malawi’s Constitution called for her to become President. Next thing you know, she overturned the country’s [...]
May 23, 2012
Film School: Your Exciting New Path to Obtaining Government Secrets
Right around the time in 2011 that Robert Gates was ordering everyone who knew anything about the operations of the strike that offed Osama bin Laden to shut the hell up in the name of Secrecy, a newly-released document obtained through a FOIA request shows that top Pentagon and CIA officials were holding hot gossip [...]
