Wonkette

Barack Hussein Obama committed the unpardonable sin of mentioning other religions in his Jesus Weed Day message, which was clearly an offense to God and a signal that he is hopelessly out of touch with the true message of Easter, which is that we must hate all Muslims forever. You see, what Obama did was […]

It’s weird to remember that prior to becoming a detached squinty enigma, Bob Dylan spearheaded a passionate campaign to free boxer Rubin “Hurricane” Carter, who was wrongly convicted of murder and served 19 years for a crime he didn’t commit. After a battle with prostate cancer, Carter died yesterday at age 76. Carter, who was […]

A celibate man told a lady reporter Sunday on CBS’s Face the Nation that businesses should have the right to eliminate contraceptive coverage in their employees’ insurance, because he hears tell that you can just walk into any 7-11 and buy rubbers. Kudos to host Norah O’Donnell for having enough self-control to refrain from telling […]

On Sunday, CNN finally found something other than Flight 370 to be blindingly stupid about, asking whether, in the wake of the murders of three people at a Jewish Community Center in Kansas last week by racist and anti-Semite Frazier Glenn Miller, it might be possible for the Ku Klux Klan to “rebrand” itself. Spoiler: […]

Happy 420 Easter (also unfortunately Hitler’s birthday), everyone! This week, a bit of a surprise: we had anticipated that our textbooks for the Christian-school market would lead off their discussion of the 1970s with a lot of excuses and soft-pedaling of Watergate, perhaps depicting it as the destruction of a good man by radicals in […]

If you’re chilling this Easter morning and thinking “gee, I wish I could be pissed off at something ASAP,” the Times has got you covered with a big piece about how Republicans aren’t content with obsessing over Obamacare, because they’re able to split their attention and do the same with the Common Core standards. Yes, […]

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we scrape the dumbest possible news leftovers off our overheated browser tabs, blend them into an almost-digestible slurry, and serve them up to you with a muffin and a warning to imbibe heavily. Our Prime Derp this week is actually not so much the […]

Meet Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore, who traded the second “l” in her first name for the magical ability to never accept the premise of any question asked by a member of the Liberal Media. Hayes asks her if she agrees that SuperFreedom CowActivist Cliven Bundy is in violation of the law and owes a million […]

Business Insider has breaking news: Americans believe crazy shit about science. Just think of the 18% of  people who believe The Flintstones was loosely based on a true story. The National Science Foundation must have wept when they realized their funding was regulated by people who couldn’t a pass sixth grade science class. This new […]

Dok Zoom wrote a lovely remembrance of Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who passed away yesterday at the age of 87. Do you need to know how to cook and eat a tiny little baby lamb leg for Jesus, for Easter? We’ve got you covered. George R.R. Martin wrote a new book about Game of Thrones but […]

As political satirical fun time bloggers, we applaud the new ease with which any candidate anywhere can make themselves a YouTube and spit out a campaign ad, because that really has been comedy gold for us over the past few years. Even the big folks have used YouTube to get weird, like Ted Cruz with […]

Just to confirm that small-town politics can be every bit as fierce and sleazy as anything in your big cities, the mayor of Latta, South Carolina, Earl Bullard (really!), fired the town’s police chief, Crystal Moore — who is also an out lesbian — with what looks like a flimsy excuse. Much temper and bitterness, […]

The bloodstone hearth glowed crimson and umber athwart the embers of the fire. Lady Hillarye Clynton regarded the beasts carved upon it: the savage bear, the diffident squirrel, the cowardly otter. Above them all, the rampant croissant, sigil of House Clynton, shone with buttery benevolence. But it was the rabbit that arrested her attention. The […]

This post brought to you by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair For Oil Spill Blogging And Insider Trading. Sometimes we reach the end of the week and it is so hard to decide who the biggest asshole of the past seven days might have been. Was it the “performance artist” that thought it would be […]

As you can see, terrible no-goodnik and Friend of Wonkette Dan Savage is brutally attacking Christian Purity again, on the Twitters, by making fun of Professional Virgin Jill Duggar. Obviously, this makes him the biggest hypocrite ever, according to the 9 fulltime employees at Twitchy. Hey, Dan Savage! Stop sneering at virginity!