• May 26, 2012

Wonkette

What comical attempts at cliché villainy do we have out of New Jersey’s ranks of local crony politicians today? Here’s one: the FBI has hauled off West New York’s Democratic mayor Felix Roque and his son on charges of hacking into a website associated with a movement to recall the mayor and then calling up [...]

Handsome Old Joe Biden explained the other day that being a Bain executive doesn’t make you any more special or ready to be president than would being a plumber. Maybe we are wrong (we are not wrong) but it sounds to us like Handsome Old Joe is standing up for the working man, the middle [...]

All poor Mitt Romney wanted to do was show some “compassion” to a group of African American schoolchildren in West Philly and explain to them that they are only poor because their mothers are sluts and their fathers are deadbeats, and what kind of thanks did he get? No thanks, that’s what kind! Seeking to [...]

The Iranian Navy says it saved an American ship from pirates, all ‘Unhand that frigate, villeins! What ho, tea, chappie, lorries, Madge, the sun never sets on the British Empire,’ or something, whatever, arrrr. So now we can all be best friends forever! Yay Iran! Yay us! An Iranian warship responded to a distress signal [...]

Perennial top contender for America’s most fervently incompetent governor Rick Scott is working hard for the title even on a trade mission to Spain: He managed to earn immediate ridicule from the country’s 47 million residents within actual seconds of meeting the King of Spain. He’s efficient! King Juan Carlos has lately been in hot [...]

It’s been a fun few years, but now Levi Johnston, once and future sperm gifter extraordinaire, has joined every other 22-year-old in America and become broke and a tenant in his mother’s home. According to a report in US Weekly, Levi has already (“already”) squandered his $1 million winnings from being Mr. Playgirl Winter 2010 [...]

Breitbart hologram Mike Flynn has been feeling the warm breeze of change that causes the flag of America to gently billow across his cheek, and also has been sifting through the history books, poring over some of the most improbable scenarios that have ever befallen America, and has decided that because history repeats itself, as [...]

Quick, everybody! To the Youtube version of the Book of Leviticus! There, you can listen about what kind of extra-virgin olive oil to anoint yourself with while you scatter the ashes of BudgetTravel.com’s charred corpse! But why are you sacrificing Budget Travel to your cruel and vengeful Yahweh? Oh, only because it hates all Christians, [...]

Can you type? Or if you can’t type, can you tell like an intern or somebody that you need something typed? Because if you do, you might have a shot at becoming a political producer for CNN, given that these skills are a prerequisite for the job, which seems mainly to consist of typing things [...]

Today, people are re-thinking same-sex marriage and moon bases, and selling off movie theaters. Wait, what? Is this the future? Where’s my jetpack? Same-sex marriage opposition has dropped significantly since the President spoke in favor of it. Oh, so if the President jumped off a cliff, would you too? [Washington Post]

Do not fear, Miami Beach! Sure, lots and lots of African American youths are expected on your white sand shores for Memorial Day weekend, but luckily your PD is ready for them, and that is by instituting a “quota” mandating that its officers arrest a minimum of 2000 blahs! Nah nah nah says the police [...]

Last night, when I was swatting at a mosquito, I thought to myself, “I should probably run to the hardware store to get a blowtorch, because that would be the best and most efficient way to kill this here mosquito, and also while I’m at it, I might be able to use it to fix [...]

Why can’t Californians have nice things? Because the “Golden Dream by the Sea” was all yeah eat me when HP CEO Meg Whitman tried to save it from itself the same way she has saved Hewlett Packard! What is it about “Creative Destruction” that California doesn’t understand? As typewriters and steel mills and Hewlett Packard [...]

Malawi has come a Lilongwe in a short time. Last month, longtime autocrat Bingu wa Mutharika died at the ripe age of 78, leaving, gasp, a vacuum of leadership! Enter Joyce Banda. She’d been deposed from Mutharika’s government, yet Malawi’s Constitution called for her to become President. Next thing you know, she overturned the country’s [...]

Right around the time in 2011 that Robert Gates was ordering everyone who knew anything about the operations of the strike that offed Osama bin Laden to shut the hell up in the name of Secrecy, a newly-released document obtained through a FOIA request shows that top Pentagon and CIA officials were holding hot gossip [...]