Oh goody! Even if most of the country is currently sitting on the edge of their seats, wondering if they’ll be able to afford Ramen or chickpeas for Christmas Dinner, at least self-gifting is on the rise in famed not-America Washington, D.C. Hooray! There really has never been a better time to be rich/want a flat screen teevee. And, if Obama’s Great Compromise means that the rich will have more money than one can ever really spend, well then, it’s time to get spending in the District. READ MORE »
Wonkabout
Back in the day, the brave people who ate hot dogs in D.C. were only the tourists who purchased them from stands near the Mall, after a tiring day of erratically circling monuments and bumping into people. But these days are FINALLY over. While the rest of America is permanently starving/unemployed and chugs along on motorized scooters, no Washingtonian will ever have to eat these thin tubes of nitrates in such unfortunate conditions ever again: enter the gourmet hot dog restaurant. READ MORE »
Wednesday, December 1: Because last week an ancient ex-Nazi declared that condoms are kinda sorta okay, this could very well be the BEST World AIDS Day ever. Congratulate AIDS on another successful year of causing much death by attending a cocktail benefit for the Whitman-Walker Clinic at the wine bar Urbana. Admission is $10 and includes a free drink. [GregsListDC] READ MORE »
Hanukkah/Chaunkkah, the ancient Hebrew celebration of Christmas, has decided to come early this year — which is strange because baby Jeebus’ birthday isn’t for another four weeks. Now Jews everywhere are going to be confused and will have to get in the Festive Spirit even though it doesn’t quite feel like Christmas yet. Oh, well. So, what do all the Jewish boys and girls in D.C. want for Fake Christmas this year? Free latkes and David Frum, of course. READ MORE »
Let’s weigh your options for this Thanksgiving holiday: There’s either subjecting yourself to the TSA’s new fingering policy or NOT GOING ANYWHERE. If America’s Top Molesting Force is insisting that it’s necessary to see everybody naked, and forbidding the transport of cranberry sauce unless it’s out of reach of anal probing, then this is the time when you should be thanking Obama for taking all your monies so you couldn’t afford that ticket home. Do you need a better reason to enjoy your socialist day of giving thanks and to eat whatever meager portions you can afford from right where you are? READ MORE »
Thursday, November 18 through Sunday, November 21: Provided you survive your touchy-feely airport experience, a week from today you will be eating cranberries from a can and watching teevee footage of large floats wandering the streets of New York, to give thanks for smallpox blankets and other Important things. Prepare for the Fun that is spending time with family by spending this weekend drinking. Zaytinya is making this easy by hosting an Ouzo Celebration, where they will be offering a flight of three Ouzos for $12. [Zaytinya] READ MORE »
It’s time for some foreign news from the international country of France. Why are we returning to this country of delinquents who spend their days protesting, smoking cigarettes and sucking down coffee? Because the French have strange, baseless laws about wine, laws that we follow here in D.C. for no other reason than that they exist and they encourage bars to give out wine for free on the third Thursday in November. According to French law, new batches of the special French wine Beaujolais Nouveau, cannot, for Important Reasons, be served until the clock strikes midnight tonight. READ MORE »
Maybe you’re not the type of person who enjoys the groping supplied by the porno-cancer scanners or its radiation-free alternative, the hot and heavy pat down. Maybe you reserve the look-y looks at your genitals for the nice people you meet at crowded, dark bars, as opposed to the TSA agents who come after you in the name of Freedom? But if you can’t get a good groping at the airport, what does this mean for our national pastime of sexytime in public places? READ MORE »
There will come a time when the life of Patron Saint Sarah Palin will be turned into a full length feature film that everyone will have to see. And before this happens, we can expect someone will produce artsy films about Our First Black President, how the Teabaggers killed the motorized scooter, et cetera and so forth. But films like these — films that make their audiences angry enough to write op-eds and donate to their favorite think-tank — can only really be enjoyed under certain conditions. With baklava and martinis, of course! READ MORE »
Hot Dogs: What’s the newest trend to come to D.C. that’s just as unhealthy as Slim Jims and Big Gulps, but that’s become gourmet-y and so acceptable? Hot dogs! There are now TWO, yes two, restaurants in D.C. that serve specialty hot dogs, and the newest one serves bacon wrapped all-beef hot dogs, deep fried all-beef hot dogs, and hot dogs topped with cheese-whiz. It’s almost like D.C. is Real America (yet still better). [DC-3] READ MORE »
It’s been a week now since the Great Shellacking of 2010, a night when librul Washingtonians refused to leave their homes and slept spooning their “Yes We Can” posters. Well, Obama managed to get his sad self off the couch for a trip to Asia, and Nancy Pelosi is working through her sadness by avoiding reality, but what can those who worked for campaigns and/or losing candidates do now that they are sad AND unemployed? Well, the nice thing about the burger-and-small-plates metropolis that is D.C. is that it is made for unemployed people. READ MORE »
Friday, November 5: By December, hopefully, the country will have healed and Emo Obama will be willing to get up off the White House couch and go eat hamburgers somewhere so Washingtonians can gawk at him. Who knows. Either way, he and his family should be at the National Christmas Tree Lighting ceremony on December 9, and the lottery for tickets opens this Friday. Good news: you do not need to have a small child to quality for tickets. [The National Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony] READ MORE »
Hmm, so right now everyone is just devastated because that which we knew was going to happen actually happened, except somehow for Harry Reid. Progress is now in peril, everything is ruined, et cetera and so forth, but maybe not all is lost? Can things that seem terrible/horrible/very orange be okay in the end? If America takes its cues from two seemingly strange things that are in fact great — the leftover parts of dead animals turned into bite-sized happy hour treats, and macaroni and cheese served out of an 18 foot truck that’s decorated with large orange and yellow macaroni noodles — then everything should be just fine in the end. READ MORE »
Wasn’t that fun, two years ago when everyone flooded the streets in sheer happiness after Obama won? Haha, we don’t think that’s going to happen this year! Oh no, this year’s results are too devastating for Washingtonian libruls, who are probably just going to lock themselves in their homes, pout, and watch reruns of the 2008 election results in attempt to go back to happier times. Why don’t libruls want to watch the results in public this year? Isn’t it better to be with friends in a public location that serves alcohol on a night like this? READ MORE »
Would you look at that, it’s time for Halloween. Perhaps you are putting the finishing touches on your Sexy Sarah Palin/Tina Fey Costume, or is that not *in* this year? So maybe you’re going to dress up as the BP Oil Spill? Or a failed mortgage? Or maybe you’ve chosen some other semi-political witty Concept, TeeVee Personality or Event In History for your costume? This Halloween, hopefully you will join us for our First Annual Wonkette Horror Bar Night, but what about after that? Thankfully, we are service-y journalists, so go have a “fun but safe” Halloween by doing what we tell you to do. READ MORE »
