Wonkabout

Do you live in the Washington DC metro area and enjoy hipster irony such as “playing dodgeball,” on your weekend, when you should really be at home meditating on the emptiness of your life? Well, by all means you should play dodgeball for charity on March 11. Get your loser political/lobbyist/think tank/junior staffer friends together and sign up! You can help solve diabetes — both in a literal sense, in your own body, by exercising, and also by helping raise money for a medical cure. And you can help solve the apparent social issue of “the first sustainable dodgeball tournament according to the Council for Responsible Sport who oversees the sustainability certification process for sporting events.”

DO THIS:

On Sunday, March 11, 2012, 500 metro-area hipsters, do-gooders and ball-throwers will gather at Champions FieldHouse in Rockville, Md., for the 7th Annual Dodging Diabetes Charity Dodgeball Tournament®. The charity dodgeball tournament is expecting to raise $15,000 for the Joslin Diabetes Center and JDRF, bringing the seven-year total close to $85,000. This year Dodging Diabetes will become the first sustainable dodgeball tournament according to the Council for Responsible Sport who oversees the sustainability certification process for sporting events. Founded in 2005 by two D.C. locals, the charity event brings community sponsors and local participants together for a one-day competition to raise money and awareness for the fight against diabetes.

Says Lindsey Mikal, who has been part of this Dodging Diabetes event for many years:

Wonkette has been awesome to the Dodging Diabetes Charity Dodgeball Tournament the last few years and I was hoping you might be able to do us a solid and write up a post this year as well. It’s our 7th anniversary! The tourney is Sunday, March 11th in Rockville and we’re trying to drive final registrations. Currently the fee is $350 for a team of 6-10 players, but it jumps to $500 starting Thursday.

$350 for six to ten people is … cheaper than dining out, we are pretty sure! [Dodging Diabetes]

Here’s what’s going on in DC today: The ongoing Occupy DC protest at McPherson Square is still ongoing, so stop by and say hi and whatever, and also the long-planned “Stop the Machine” rally against TEN YEARS OF WAR IN AFGHANISTAN is also going, and going big. Here’s a live feed NOW CORRECTED WITH A BETTER FEED THAT’S ACTUALLY LIVE FROM DC:



Free live streaming by Ustream

Freedom Plaza is where people are set up in the video above, assuming the video above is still streaming live. And Freedom Plaza is that rectangular concrete/grass park that’s hilariously in front of the “Ronald Reagan Building,” and just southeast of Treasury and the front (south side) of the White House. The Metro station is Federal Triangle, on the blue and orange lines. Or use Metro Center on the red line and walk down two blocks. Easy!

The weather’s beautiful — sunny and 64 right now — so go have a picnic lunch with the protest, get out of the office and the chain sandwich shop.

Our Wonkabout editor, Arielle Fleisher, packed up and fled D.C. for the fun lands of Europe and then the not-so-fun lands of Michigan (for grad school), but she managed to pop up in the Washington CityPaper before this vanishing act. Did she make the news section for doing a political crime in a neighborhood ward district or whatever? No! She wrote about “Groupon Etiquette,” which is apparently what is involved when you use the online coupons from that pyramid-scheme website instead of just paying for your food:

A friend and I trekked out to the dubious dining destination that is Bethesda to take advantage of a LivingSocial deal I had obtained for Robert Wiedmaier’s Mussel Bar. Once the check came — and I was over my disbelief that a bottle of Allagash White could possibly cost $9 — I found myself confused as to how much I should pay for the meal. It’s one thing when you go in on a deal with another person, but in this case, I had invited a friend along to enjoy the spoils of the deal I had purchased: $20 in exchange for a $40 discount.

The answer probably turned out to be “one person performs a sex act on the other person, as payment.” But you’ll have to read it, to find out! Also, is someone going to start writing Wonkabout blog posts again, about the food and the bars and the events and the music and such? Maybe this person should write to the Wonkette editor. [CityPaper]

Squirmish!Well hello! After two years of eating and drinking her way around this city so you could know which small plates, pork, hamburger or pizza establishment is worthy of your hard-earned disposable income, it is time for your Wonkabout to leave the playground that is D.C. She is off to learn things in grad school, after which she’ll probably be unemployed, burdened by debt and unable to afford her pork habit. Wish her luck! But really, it was all fun and games until tattooing a dead pig for charity became an acceptable D.C. springtime activity … and then she knew it was time to go. READ MORE »

Happy third day of Passover to all our Jewish friends and a hoppy almost Easter to “everyone else!” Jews eating matza and the celebration of when Jesus returned to say “howdy” to all his followers before going away again are two exciting occasions that mark fertility, horny rabbits, and most importantly, spring. Before we enter the sweat feast that is D.C. in the summer when thousands of young impressionable political science majors will come to D.C. to flaunt their stapling skills and flocks of fanny-packed tourists will roll around town in their Segways, we get D.C.’s most enjoyable season, spring. This means there is pig to be eaten and patios to be enjoyed. READ MORE »

Post-no-government-shutdown blues? Everyone was all excited for the anarchy and lawlessness, that is, until they came after the hoohaws of D.C.’s low-income women. Even if D.C.’s mayor did go to jail to protest the Republican Riders, short of throwing fetuses on Boehner’s lawn, it seems like Washingtonians are just going to have to go back to doing what they do best: indiscriminately disposing of income at a food and beer establishment. Which takes us to H Street NE, where, for its newest act, it has unveiled a Mongolian restaurant where food is consumed under the faded glare of multiple flat screen teevees. D.C. at its best! READ MORE »

Washington is usually such a lively place, with its rats and whores and millionaires and non-essential government employees. How will D.C. change when the Federal Government actually shuts down forever Friday at Midnight? Maybe you like the socialist safety and security of your paycheck and don’t care for this unpaid, forced spring break? Or maybe you’re excited that this has the potential to be as much fun as snowmageddon, only without the snow and the paid time off? The reality for D.C. is rather unpleasant: No trash pick up,  no fixing the potholes, government workers struggling to survive without their BlackBerrys, and thousands of tourists on Segway tours to nowhere because all the attractions are shut down. Other than dumping your trash in front of Boenher’s house, here are some suggestions for how to make it though the Shutdown. READ MORE »

Apparently, in our little small-plates metropolis it is possible to have a simple, non-pork-based meal in a nice, modestly decorated restaurant. For a while there we had resigned ourselves a life where we would get all our nutrients from bacon-covered doughnuts and to drinking beer only from mason jars in dimly lit restaurants. This is why we’re excited that we can use the words “good value” and “simple” to describe Medium Rare, a new steakhouse in the semi-revived Cleveland Park. Maybe you’re of the rare breed that likes to eat well priced, decidedly undercooked, tender, succulent morsels of meat? READ MORE »

There are many great things that come with the start of spring, like homeless people returning to Dupont Circle, tourists on Segways, free cone day, and Jesus. Of all the obligatory D.C. spring activities, though, there’s nothing more loved than staring at the cherry blossoms, even if those pretty pink blossoms look exactly the same every year. But, since Japan is just awful these days, and because we’re all but one old Brita filter away from radiation poisoning, we thought now is a good time to figure out what exactly cherry blossoms are and how they ended up in the nation’s capital. READ MORE »

It turns out that the biggest evil in this great nation isn’t the Koch Brothers after all. Their evil is no match for “heaping swirls of luscious confection atop rich, creamy pastry,” also known as cupcakes. You see, while this set of extremist billionaires was busy using their money to Kochblock unions, students from voting, et cetera and so forth, cupcakes were being used by lobbyists for AT&T to influence policy: 1,500 cupcakes supplied by D.C.’s own Georgetown Cupcake were delivered by AT&T to the F.C.C.’s headquarters while the F.C.C. was debating how Internet service providers should manage their traffic- and just as AT&T was looking into merging with T-Mobile. Yes, courtesy of a local D.C. business, this once innocent sugary concoction that you may remember from your childhood is now a lobbyist’s wet dream. READ MORE »

These little pink flower-y things that were a gift from good old Japan will soon be a bloomin’ all over the Tidal Basin. Yes, we are about to enter the dark and scary tourist-infested time that is Cherry Blossom Season—which, haha, this year perfectly coincides with the next Tea Party Protest. Soon there will be an epic battle of fanny pack wearing tourists on Segways versus adoring old Teabaggers on scooters, and the real losers will be the actual inhabitants of D.C. who will have to deal with this onslaught of out-of-towners. But, if there were ever a year to brave the annoying tourists and Tea Party Tards to see the pretty pink bloomage, we guess it would be this one, right? Do it for Japan!

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With all the economic unpleasantness and the wars and the fact that our quinoa habit is slowly starving South Americans, here’s something to take comfort in: a new spot for the disposing of income, Standard. It’s a food truck without wheels where you’re charged sales tax on your bill — this is also known as a restaurant. And yet it has everything this city loves: a New York equivalent, beer served by the liter, pork, and a large outdoor patio. Why else would Washingtonians be so eager to eat and drink at a restaurant that resembles a prison yard? READ MORE »

LookLast week we arbitrarily boozed up to celebrate Mardi Gras boobies, and tonight we arbitrarily drink to celebrate the Patron Saint of Kegs and Eggs. Yes, it is St. Patrick’s Day, the holiest of holy drinking holidays when we honor the ancient Irish traditions of wearing green thongs, binge drinking, and pinching people’s privates. Go forth and enjoy some green beer until you puke, for Ireland. READ MORE »

Washingtonians are notoriously wary of dining in an actual building. The city’s cubicle drones prefer to wait in the godawful humidity for lobster rolls or to wander around a parking lot while consuming slow-roasted happy pork. But consuming gourmet, extremely satisfying food under a roof has finally become an Okay Thing To Do Again — because it can now be done in a Gas Station. Hooray for the glorious combination of gasoline fumes and Cubano sandwiches! READ MORE »

Eastern Market is one of the last remaining areas in D.C. that hasn’t really attempted to find its New York stripes. It’s managed to stay classically and quintessentially yuppie! The kind of place where people engage in Civil Discourse and where there are real live actual children. Lots of them! Considering what a bad week the yuppies have had–food trucks were harassed (!), oh, and NPR, too–now may be a good time to celebrate this little yuppie haven and to welcome its newest restaurant, pound, which happens to be following the lower-case-monosyllabic restaurant name trend. Why do yuppies hate syllables so much?
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