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News

They're laughing with me, right Mama?

Looks Like God Knocked Up Bristol Palin Again

Oh my stars, it seems America's most virginal born-again virgin is with child. Again: I wanted you guys to be the first to know that I am pregnant. Honestly, I’ve been trying my hardest to keep my chin up on this...

Gross Josh Duggar Admits To Molesting His Own Sisters, Resigns From Family Research Council

This story has been updated with news of Josh Duggar's resignation from the Family Research Council, see below. Wednesday, Wonkette reported that Josh Duggar, who now works for the anti-gay Family Research Council hate group, had been accused of maybe...
You STAY in her lap, where you're safe.

Huckabee: That Duggar Boy Made A Mistake, Just Like When My Son Murdered That Dog

Expressions of wingnut support for Josh Duggar and his molesty past are starting to drip in, now that they've remembered that the focus of the narrative is REDEMPTION, because they have Jesus and you don't. They are saved, you...
Oh, there's that, too.

Jimmy Johns Is Evil. We Mean More Evil.

Nobody's especially surprised to learn that working fast food is, at most places, pretty freaking awful. Low wages, no job security, no benefits, not enough hours, no union, terrible bosses, and all the job satisfaction of working a food...

Aaron Schock Spending Tax Moneys On Hot Male Personal Photographer. Totally Normal.

My goodness, America's Top Heterosexual Congresscritter is in the news so much lately! We've gone from Not Gay Downton Abbey office to gayest ethics complaint ever to racist spokesgoon having to resign for being racist spokesgoon, all in the...
Bristol is definitely not pregnant in this picture

Bristol Palin Living In Sin For Third Or Eighteenth Time, For Abstinence

We had nothing but Molotovs when we heard Bristol Palin had betrothed herself to Medal of Honor soldierman Dakota Meyer. We love love! And my God, after watching (parts of) her truly fucking terrible reality show, we genuinely wished for...
Larry, you ignorant Stutts

Alabama Senator-Doctor Will Finally Get Revenge On New Mom Who Died Under His ‘Care’

Here's a shining example of how the noble institutions of democracy can address injustice: Alabama state Sen. Larry Stutts, MD, an OB/GYN who just took office in January, has introduced a bill to repeal a law inspired by the...
Now write it down a hundred times. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.

Vermont Proposes Official Latin Motto, Wingnuts Tell Vermont To Go Back To Mexico

Here's a sweet little story of Democracy in Action. A bright eighth grader writes to her state legislator with an idea for a law: Vermont doesn't have an official Latin motto, so why not adopt one? And for that...
Listen up, you Messico losers!

Here Are 12 Of The Stupidest Things Ever To Come Out Of Donald Trump’s Mouth Hole

Hurray, Donald Trump has finally given America Donald Trump what America Donald Trump has always wanted, by running for president of the United Trumps States of Trump America. Since he is perhaps the most ridiculous person to pretend to run...
"learning" is fun!

Dumb Duggar Girl And Dumb Husband Explain Atheists Don’t Exist (Kind Of Like God)

There is something in Texas called the Institute for Creation Research, and one of the reality-TV-for-Christ girl Duggars took a field trip to it, with her husband. This is the same Duggar who field tripped to the Holocaust Memorial...

Brazilian Preacher Arrested After Offering Followers ‘Holy Milk’ From His Peen (He Meant Sperms) (Updated: Yeah, It’s A Hoax)

(Update: Almost definitely a hoax; details at end of post) We don't know that we can add much to the basics of this one, if it turns out to be true (and let's note right away that the story...
These people ARE Television

Megyn Kelly Asks Duggar Girls: Show Us On The Doll Where The Liberal Media Touched You

OK, we think we've got it figured out, now: Megyn Kelly's Fox News interview with Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar Wednesday was like the end of the "19 Kids and Counting" franchise, and her follow-up interview with sisters Jill...
The comments section at Gawker?

Seattle To Be Destroyed By Biggest Earthquake Ever, Bye Seattle!

OK, Portland and Seattle Wonkers, this is a public service announcement. We are going to need you to find buddies in the comments section (which does not exist), and beg them to let you crash on their couch, because...
These big David Byrne suits dont' just grow on trees, you know.

Let’s Meet Justin Harris, The Arkansas House’s Godly Child-Abandoner

Yesterday we introduced you to the honorable Justin Harris, a proud Republican member of the Arkansas House of Representatives, who kinda-sorta hid from the public the fact that he'd adopted two little girls out of foster care, tired of...
I must object! Josh isn't even IN this one! You morans can't even tell your Duggars apart!

Deleted Comments: Leave The Duggars Alooooooone

Hey, we promised you a Duggars ShitFerBrains, and then last week we had to go and write about that children's book about Hell instead, so here we finally are with the best of the worst of our deleted Duggars...

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