Local News

Police haven't identified the neighbor who complained. But we think we can guess.

Why Are Hamptons Snobs Racist Against Kids With Lemonade Stands?

In yet another example of Big Government stifling the small entrepreneur, we learn that some nosy neighbors in East Hampton, New York, complained to cops last that Jerry Seinfeld's son and his pals were running an unlicensed lemonade stand. What's truly...
You're cool with this now, right?

Mary Fallin Personally Aborts All The Little Children In Oklahoma, Will Never Be Trump’s Veep Now :(

Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin is obviously on Jan Brewer's meds, as she very sanely vetoes an abortion ban just because it's 'unconstitutional.'

Mike Pence ‘Compassionately’ Wants To Nationalize Your Uterus

Mike Pence doesn't 'balance' his faith with public policy. He uses his faith as a weapon against women.

George W. Bush In New Orleans: Heckuva Job, Myself!

    George W. Bush returned to the scene of the crime Friday, speaking briefly at a high school that had been flooded during Hurricane Katrina 10 years ago. You will be astonished that his remarks were utterly devoid of self-reflection or...
Go, corgis, go!

It’s National Dog Day. Pretty Sure We Could All Use Some Doggies About Now

We were getting all ready to end this perfectly shitty news day by sharing photos of the new panda babies at the National Zoo, but even that story went all to hell this afternoon, with the death of one...
Christian who somehow has not been jailed yet

Meet This One Christian Baker Who’s NOT A Dick To Gay People!

Being a fundamentalist Christian who owns a cake-baking business or works for the government as the county clerk is SO hard. You have to get up each and every day and go to work and abide by super-unfair laws...
Whatever. This is just a minor setback

Demons (Probably From Gay Animals) Drive Total Kook Gordon Klingenschmitt From Colorado Statehouse

Colorado god-botherer Gordon Klingenschmitt, one of our favorite rightwing loons, lost his primary bid for the state Senate. Whatever will he do now? Probably keep being a hateful douche.

LOL Kellyanne Conway’s Talking To Toasters! Wonkagenda For Mon., March 13, 2017

Kellyanne Conway talks to home appliances, Steve King sticks his nose where it doesn't belong, and Old Handsome Joe returns! Your morning news brief!

This Utah Republican Publicly Mourning Gay Orlando Victims Will Make You Ugly Cry

Yes, a Utah Republican, that is not a typo, we said that correctly.

Wonkagenda: Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Newt Gingrich hates sex, "Wal-Mart Moms", and Rush Limbaugh is SHOCKED about an old gay man. Here's your morning news brief!

Scott Walker Finally Able To Ensure All Elections In Wisconsin Will Be Rigged

Do you remember Scott Walker? He was one of the eleventy billion people running for the GOP nomination, and we were actually worried about him winning because he managed to seem slightly less bloodthirsty and craven than the rest of...
Considering that's an 1861 flag, maybe we should let the little Timelord stay

True Americans Suing All Foreign Anchor Babies So They Don’t Steal The Presidency

It's happening! After a solid week of Donald Trump suggesting, with all the subtlety of a hydraulic jackhammer, that it sure would be a shame if someone (anyone, please!) were to sue Canadian-born Ted Cruz, some crazy old coot in...

Walgreens Pharmacist Too Holy To Do His Job

Oh look, another pharmacist with SINCERELY HELD RELIGIOUS BELIEFS.
Yet another in the long-running internet series "cats with guns"

This Week’s Mass Shootings Not Spectacular Enough To Mention At GOP Debate

We had another mass shooting right here in U.S. America, resulting in four deaths (including the shooter) and 14 wounded, just hours before the Republican debate Thursday night. This particular massacre wasn't spectacular enough to merit a mention at...

Obama Boots Trump’s 400lb. Russian Hackers. Wonkagenda For Fri., Dec. 30, 2016

Obama leaves Russia with severe butthurt, Trump's minions are already fracturing, and Bob Marshall REALLY hates porn. Your daily news brief!
And Moses invests, hahaha!

Georgia’s Nifty ‘Religious Freedom’ Law Might Protect KKK’s Sacred Right To Do Klan Stuff

The Georgia state Senate passed an absurdly broad "religious freedom" law Friday on a 38-14 vote, sending a revised version of the bill back to the House, where it is expected to pass as well. Gov. Nathan Deal is...