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Everywhere Else News

Idaho State Senator Says Obamacare Just Like The Holocaust, Because Of Course It Is

Idaho state Senator Sheryl Nuxoll does not like this Obamacare thing one bit, and she also does not like that Idaho Gov. Butch Otter is supporting legislation to set up a state health exchange, because what kind of freedom-loving...
We finally realized what Scott Walker's dumb face reminds us of: MST3K's Joel Hodgson *pretending* to be a dipwad.

Scott Walker Doesn’t Think So Good, Hypothetically

Ladies and gentlemen, we would just like to apologize for all the times we've suggested that Scott Walker isn't very bright, because we finally understand where he's coming from. It's not that he's too stupid to answer questions like whether...
What we feel like when we click on a Huckabee story. We would have used a picture of a Syrian child, but Wonk readers already have compassion and it's not like that would change Huckabee's heart.

Mike Huckabee Is An Evil, Soulless Sack Of Fermented Rat Jizz, Syrian Refugee Edition

Here are some very recent headlines, about the horrible, heartbreaking refugee crisis enfolding in Syria: Dozens of refugees including babies, children drown as boat capsizes off Greece Heartbreaking Photos Show Refugees' Desperate Attempt To Save Drowning Children Off Coast Of Greece These...
Hi Kim Davis, bye Kim Davis!

Vatican Issues Clarification: Kim Davis Sucks And We Hate Her

What a whirlwind of emotions we have been feeling over Kim Davis's alleged sexxxytime religious freedom Tinder date with the pope! When the news first came out, we were like "NO WAY, the pope is not that much of...

Wingnuts Tell Commie Pope To Get A Brain, Moran

The rightwing freakout over Pope Francis and his betrayal of all good things (unfettered capitalism) continues, and it seems that his address to a joint meeting of Congress doesn't seem to have made them a lot happier, probably because...
nukes

Texas Ag Commissioner Doesn’t Really Want To Nuke All The Muslims. OR DOES HE?

We all know the normal steps in political gaffe management: 1) Somebody says something really stupid, often on social media; 2) The incredibly stupid/offensive/impolitic social media post is removed; 3) A spokesperson explains that the gaffe was committed by...
Jesus is so proud of you

Magic Bible Words Protect Gun From Grubby Muslim Hands

While some gun shops and ranges have been drawing in the rubes by declaring themselves "Muslim-free zones," a Florida gun manufacturer has hit on the ultimate in anti-Muslim marketing: a semiautomatic rifle that no Muslim would ever dare touch,...
Why does anyone care about permafrost? You can always get a touch-up at the salon.

Fox News Tells Obama To Go Be A Weather Girl If He’s So Worried About Climate

Barack Obama may be visiting the Arctic this week to call attention to climate change -- even though self-appointed Alaska spokestwit Bristol Palin told him to stay away -- but Fox News is not impressed with a bunch of dumb stories...
On the up side, he never said 'Molotov'

Sorry, Jeb Bush Is Not The Savior Of The Jews

Jeb! Bush got caught stretching the truth just a teensy bit on his campaign website, claiming that he helped to organize a secret mission that saved thousands of Ethiopian Jews in the early ’80s. It's a heartwarming story of...
TO SUMMER CAMP!

KKK Dude So Jealous Of Jews At Auschwitz, With Their Coffee Breaks And Swimming Pool

Just in case you were in the mood for seeing a brainless Klansman natter on about what a paradise Auschwitz was, here's a clip from a BBC 3 documentary (sadly not yet available for viewing outside the UK) called...
China's amphibious motorcycles and tractors will be 60% cleaner by 2022. Free LSD For artists will continue as is

China Ruins Republicans’ Favorite Excuse For Ignoring Climate Change

While not nearly as sexy (?) as the news that John Boehner will be dragging his orange ass back to Ohio (or more likely, to a nice lobbying firm where he can make lots of money to feed the...
No, Waddles, don't read this!

I Say, Old Bean, Did British Prime Minister Do Sex Things To A Dead Pig?

There are a lot of weird dumb stories about American politicians and their bad behavior. But we're pretty sure that none is likely to top this alleged story about British Prime Minister David Cameron, who allegedly put his peener...
Jesus needs to fix everybody in this week's Top Ten.

Dumb Duggars, Bristol Palin And Gross Kevin McCarthy. Your Weekly Top Ten!

Oh hi, Wonkers! It's Sunday afternoon, which means we're going to yammer at you for a minute before we go eat bloody marys for brunch. We hope you are having a nice weekend and your favorite sportsball team is playing in a...
They All Hate Us Anyhow, So Let's Drop The Big One Now

If Arizona Congressjerk Doesn’t Scare Your Kids About Terrorists Nuking Them, Who Will?

Arizona Congressweasel Matt Salmon dropped by an elementary school last Thursday to teach a group of second and third graders to explain how a bill becomes a law. Except that instead of singing a song about a cheery little Bill who...
Sadly, no longer available for sale

Oh Look, Not-Joe The Not-Plumber Hasn’t Vanished Up His Own A**hole Yet

Remember that "Joe" the "Plumber" guy who was briefly a rightwing hero because, like Chauncey Gardiner, he was a simple man who spoke simple truths (Obama's a SOCIALIST and TAXES WILL CRUSH MY DREAMS)? Turns out that once you...
Shouldn't that be Hooray, we have hydrogen?

Islamic Leaders Call For End To Fossil Fuels, Will Probably Jihad Your SUV

Well, this ought to inspire some conspiracy theories! Tuesday, an International Islamic Climate Change Symposium held in Istanbul (not Constantinople) declared that climate change is real, happening now, and caused by human activity. The group called for immediate action to...