Wonkette Jr.

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Peggy Noonan’s New Column Comes Wrapped In Authentic Sense Of Wingnut Victimhood Plus An American Flag, Probably

Greetings Wonkette, and welcome to what has become our semi-regular Bataan Death March through Peggy Noonan’s latest column. In the past week Nooners has gotten her teeth into the IRS story like an aristocratic pit bull with lockjaw chomping...

New Poll: Michele Bachmann Already Losing Her House Race

Here is an important 2014 election update brought to you by AHAHAHAHAHAHA: Michele Bachmann is trailing her Democratic challenger for her House seat by two points, according to a new survey from Public Policy Polling: The survey...shows Democrat Jim Graves...

BREAKING!!1! HOUSE REPEALS OBAMACARE!!!!!!

Siren! Siren! ALL CAPS!! Politico Breaking News Email!! Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Extra! Extra! In a wild and spectacular vote, full of legislative twists and turns, with each side employing devastating knowledge of legislative procedure, the House of Representatives kept reporters,...

Hero Oklahoma Rep. Leads Charge To Save Poor From Eating Food

DDM here, drinking an Irish Coffee and wondering how the GOP will find new ways to screw the poors today. I’m new here, and have only been guestblogging for about a week. But I want to submit an entry for Legislative...

BP Pays Top Chef To Come To New Orleans, Do Something With All These Eyeless Shrimp

This wonksplainer by DDM was brought to you by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Oil Spill Blogging. Let’s travel back in time to April, 2010. After years of stroking and massaging from federal and state tax cuts, BP blows...

Surprise, Senator David Vitter Being A Dick

Guestblogger DDM here, again, to splain how Sen. Vitter is being a total dick.  Sometimes Congresscritters, because of their nature, decide to be total dicks, just for funzies. Since 2011, the GOP has found a secret stash of dickatude, so...

But What About Gay Messicans?

DDM back to help splain some Congressional nitty-gritty-ness. There have been lots of happy nice times about our GLBTQMORELETTERS friends lately, because people around the country are finally looking around and saying, hey, these gay folks ain't that bad! In...

John McCain Stands Up for America’s Oppressed Cable Subscribers

Chairman of the Senate committee on Elder Grievances John McCain is boldly taking on Big Television to address an issue dear to wrathful retirement community members everywhere: the cable bill is apparently too damn high. (We would not know....

Hey What’s The Deal With The IRS Oppressing Those Poor Teabaggers? Obscure Tax Law Wonksplained

So folks on the right and in the blogospheres are all argle bargle ranty ranty because the IRS just published an apology for giving special attention to groups asking for tax-exempt status that had the words “tea party” and...

Why Does The GOP Love Wasting Money On African Food Aid? A Wonksplainer!

Back by popular demand, I’m here to wonksplain how our stupid Congresspeople continue to legislate with the combined IQ of a Michelle Malkin and Glenn Beck love child. Today’s topic: International Food Aid! Or, why your tax monies is...

Point-Counterpoint: Are Millennials Lazy Entitled Narcissists?

Time Magazine is here to troll everyone with yet another cover story about Kids These Days and Their Lawns (Getting Off of). We have not read it, because Time Magazine. And yet we have decided to debate this Important...

Time To Make The Budget! A Wonksplainer

A guest Wonksplainer from your compatriot, DDM. How does the actual process work where all our monies go to bortions for illegal Messicans who steal jobs from ‘Mericans? Turns out, it’s an archaic, complicated process that can confuse...

Here is Your Handy Wonkette Guide to Not Panicking About 3D-Printed Guns

This is a guest post from your compatriot Alex Ruthrauff, aka “Sheriff Joe Biden.” We are all Jetsons now with our 3D printers spitting out all kinds of shit all the time, like houses and ears and spiky-tipped dildos and...

Everything Turning Up Horse Poop for Michele Bachmann

Beloved nut Michele Bachmann, whom we mostly picture these days as a wee Roomba whirring around on the carpet of her House offices sucking up dropped pain pills, is having some legal problems lately. Have you heard? The chief...

It Has Been Far Too Long Since We Were Mean To Charles Krauthammer

A guest post from your compatriot Alex Ruthrauff, aka "Sheriff Joe Biden." Charles Krauthammer is known to many Americans as a roasted chicken perched atop a can of cheap domestic beer. He has a lucrative job writing untrue things...

Jim Inhofe Introduces Bill to Provide Desperately Needed Bullets for Starved American Guns

Terrible news, America. After decades of stockpiling obscene quantities of killing implements for fun and murder around the world, the good times are coming to an end now that Senator Jim Inhofe has gotten wind of the real reason...