Wonkette

Butterstick the ever-lovable panda has already chased away one Wonkette blogger, and I’m about to do the same. A reader writes:

Since you mention that you’re short on Butterstick news, how about printing his horoscope? Here it is, calculated for his exact date, time and place of birth. It seems pretty acurate. Certainly his mother is very proud of him, he inspires children, and he loves to show off to get attention. He has a strong need to learn and gain knowledge, and is enthusiastic in his quest. He is calm and gentle, but assertive and self-confident, and has an wonderfully optimistic approach to life. As he gets older, he may have a tendency to be pushy: “You have difficulty discerning the difference between assertion and aggression, and may be aggressive if twarted.” But overall, a very positive chart.

And I’m thinking, OMG, my two favorite things in the world — panda cults and astrology. But then another reader writes:

Dear Ambitious Heckler, I had just about lost hope there for a minute. Wonkette had surely jumped the shark, in my opinion. However, my anonymous friend, you have saved the day! Thank you for being the only poster that I actually enjoyed this week. Now if you end the day with some Butterstick goodness, we’ll just go ahead and call it perfect.

What can I say — I am a sucker for flattery. Here’s your wish: after the jump, the complete Butterstick astrology forecast. It beats reading more forwarded e-mails urging me to contact my Senators to filibuster the Alito nomination, that’s for sure.

Thanks to all who tipped, tippled, or removed us from their blogroll. The new team will be in Monday — along with regular weekly contributions by the revered Wonkette emeritus — and my expectations are as high as everyone else’s. - AMBITIOUS HECKLER

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Thanks to the sponsors for keeping us supplied with rat poison, crack cocaine, and creme brulee. MORE »

No doubt fresh on the heels of a confab with Pat Robertson, toothpick harpie Ann Coulter has made some helpful dietary suggestions for Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens:

“We need somebody to put rat poisoning in Justice Stevens’ creme brulee,” Coulter said. “That’s just a joke, for you in the media.”

The report goes on to note that Coulter “drew more boos when she said the crack cocaine problem ‘has pretty much gone away.’” She clearly hasn’t been to my house. — AMBITIOUS HECKLER MORE »

MediaBistro’s FishbowlDC reports that Steve Colbert will headline the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner, filling the able shoes of Don Imus and Laura Bush (and yes, I do know technically she was not the “lead entertainment” and he was actually at the Radio/TV Correspondents Association), as well as many lesser shoes that have established the event for many as Prom Night From Hell. NOW I bet you’d like to attend. Well, it can be arranged! — AMBITIOUS HECKLER
Colbert To Head WHCA Dinner [FishbowlDC]
Colbert Report [Comedy Central]
Don Imus’ speech at the 1996 Radio/TV Correspondents Association Annual Dinner [Super Imus Links Pages]
Previously: White House Correspondents’ Dinner: Advice for the Uninvited

Not enough sightings to make up a Wonk’d post today but a reader writes:

Hey so, saw Georgie S. (tephenopolous) this morning in the 2200 block of Wisconsin Ave. Not too noteworthy as he is always around. However, what did strike me was that he entered the Washington Sports Club in normal street clothes (black pants a metrosexualesque bright purple shirt and black overcoat) and 5 minutes later came out of the club in running gear (shorts, sneakers and tshirt) with his overcoat and began walking down (towards georgetown) Wisconsin.

Also, I used to see him at sports club LA and now he’s at WSC? Did something happen? Did he have a pay cut? Or does he just have memerships at every gym in the city so he can pop in for his quick-change at any moment?

As I recall, then-Boy George was a regular at the Dupont WSC on Connecticut Ave. in the mid-90’s, so your theory might have merit. Reminds me of my favorite Dupont WSC story: a friend (an attractive young woman) once tried to pick up a hot guy there; but no-go, he already had a girlfriend. But they had a nice chat anyway. Before she left, he asked her, “How did you know I wasn’t gay?” She pointed down, said “your socks don’t match!” and walked off triumphantly. — AMBITIOUS HECKLER

Not that they have too many DC readers, but you really should all know that the fantastic site Black Table is shutting down operations as of today. One of its best features is Amy Blair’s Week in Craig column, where she mocks the ads on Casual Encounters and other crevices of the site that killed the daily newspaper. MORE »

Every time Bush, anyone in his administration or the GOP leadership says “up-or-down vote,” do a shot. Should make things a little less painful. — AMBITIOUS HECKLER
UporDownVote.com [Progress for America]
Jack Daniel’s Whiskey shot drinks, Blood of Satan recipe [Drinksmixer]

Along with thousands of other Americans, I received an e-mail this week from Senator John Kerry urging me to stand with him and block Judge Alito’s confirmation. Hey John! I can think of one thing you could have done that would have kept Judge Alito off the Court for sure. Do you know what I mean? I bet you do. Anyway, Sen. Kerry has a link for me so I can sign an open letter to my senators, urging them to stop Alito. My senators are Hillary Clinton and Chuck Schumer, so clicking that link is certain to turn the tide. MORE »

Forget about martinis with breakfast. Today we come to you from New York’s East Village, where it’s still last night for some of us. Thanks to some well-timed trips to the restrooms at Lit, it feels more like 2 in the afternoon. Well, we may be strung out, but we can still care about what’s happening in our nation’s capital, where the US Senate is poised to confirm Samuel Alito and undo 60 years’ worth of progress, as the Democrats — hell-bent on displacing the Whigs as the lamest party ever — stammer from the sidelines. Or in the rest of the world, where the smashing success of President Bush’s campaign to bring democracy to the Arab world is now obvious to all. We’ll keep you posted. MORE »

Thanks, all, for the fervent support and equally fervent criticism throughout the day. As Drew put it: MORE »

As The Post reported this morning, the Virginia Senate has “all but guaranteed” the state will have a fall marriage referendum. DCist highlighted the beauty of adding a marriage ban in the state’s Bill of Rights, specifically following its provision discussing the essential nature of a “firm adherence to justice.” MORE »

Wonkette operatives with access to “the World Wide Web” have repeatedly alerted me to Sen. John Kerry’s announcement that he supports a filibuster of Judge Samuel Alito, as ordered by The New York Times this morning in its “Senators in Need of a Spine” editorial. MORE »