Wonkette Jr.
Wonkette Jr., everybody! Hooray!
Here is more fun typing from our contributor, Bilbo! By Bilbo Thankfully for the world, and reality, CPAC somewhat peacefully come to an end Saturday afternoon, at least the official administrative meeting and speechifying and seminaring and workshopping “official schedule” part of it, and it seems to have ended with the world intact, and no [...]
This is a special post by longtime reader/commenter “Bilbo,” we’ll call him, who is voluntarily covering CPAC for your Wonkette! How nuts is that? Anyway here is his first post of several posts, enjoy! Jim Newell will post more things, maybe, after he kills himself. By Bilbo
Mitt Romney has so many children, he must like sexytime at least a little bit, right? No. Mitt Romney is so prim and sexless, his wife actually had to “be the man” when they made the pregnancies. (Weird religious stuff, never mind.) But Mitt Romney does love money! It is the only thing he has [...]
Pissing on the corpses of your victims is so last year! These days, hawt Marines sent to Afghanistan to kill random peasants and/or kill each other have a new prop to show how Xtreme they can get! It’s the Nazi flag used by the Nazis who had the mission of “exterminating the Jewish race.” Eh, [...]
Like every year at CPAC time, the “no strings attached” sex Internet is busy busy busy with self-hating closeted homosexual Republican men who like to take a break from cheering on homophobic bible clods by going back to the hotel with a discreet dude who wants to give/receive some oral, “maybe more with the right [...]
What is loopy church lady Rick Santorum whining about now? As he goes crazier, in public, Santorum has stopped bothering with traditional approaches to speaking and now just tosses out “They” a couple of times, mentions religion and then throws in France, for weird measure — and he pronounces “France” as guillotine. It’s marvelous. But [...]
People who are not Sarah Palin and/or “Snooki” may not understand the importance the Indoor Tanning Industry plays in making people look like wrinkled, rotten oranges with melanoma, but weeping boozebag would just be a bright red nose on a bloated clown face if not for the magic of the tanning beds down at the [...]
One reason Americans were denied the cleansing vision of the last U.S. diplomats fleeing Baghdad by helicopter is because, haha, we sort of left the diplomats there — all 16,000 State Department personnel and military contractors and poorly disguised CIA torture spies and oil company representatives. But now, with “hard times” or whatever the current [...]
A quarter-century ago — when Newt Gingrich was still somewhere between dumping wife No. 1 and wife No. 2 before having a six-year-long adulterous affair with yet another woman from the office, who eventually became the third Mrs. Gingrich — a not-completely-white-haired Newt railed against Ronald Reagan for eight whole minutes from the House floor. [...]
The Internet is chock full of dumb two-day fads, but there might be some real staying power in the concept of “Tea Party Jesus,” a Tumblr site that combines images of the Loving Jesus with cartoon speech bubbles full of 100% real quotes from leading right-wing Republicans who self-identify as “family values Christians.”
Why is Donald Trump in the news again? Wasn’t he banished for the rest of 2012? Guess not. Besides the dingle-dongle Endorse Newt vs. Endorse Mittens moment of this morning, vulgar hair-weave troglodyte Donald Trump is also planning to bury people in his tacky country club golf course graveyard in New Jersey. Give Trump some [...]
We were skimming the FoxNews.com website looking for some of those “free Medicare scooter” ads, but got distracted by the important news of terrible writer/awful person Ayn Rand’s 107th birthday. She doesn’t look a day over 106 … objectively. Objectively-ist. Anyway, we hope she’s enjoying being tortured for Eternity in Hell, for not believing in [...]
