Wonkette Jr.
Wonkette Jr., everybody! Hooray!
March 5, 2012
Homophobic Jewish-Christian Robots Attacking Fellow Robot Mitt Romney
As the excitement (?) of Super Tuesday grips the nation the way a priest grips a young boy’s scrotum, Rick Santorum’s college fund for his dozens of children is paying for an onslaught of angry religious-fanatic robo-calls against Mitt Romney, himself a robot. And this makes sense, at least the part about Rick Santorum pissing [...]
Ron Paul not-actual delegate (class of ’08) Garrett Quinn sends us this delightful Ron Paul promotional item, from the eccentric old man’s candy factory, which has been shrouded in secrecy ever since Ron Paul fired all his black workers, for stealing, and replaced them with hobbits.
March 2, 2012
John Kerry: Mitt Romney Is No John Kerry
Political pundit people have been enjoying the idea that Mitt Romney has a “John Kerry problem.” After all, both Romney and Kerry are rich white establishment politicians — just like most politicians, on Earth. Political pundits love easy comparisons like that. But John Kerry took a break from whatever he does these days to say [...]
February 29, 2012
Fox News Innocently Changes ‘Growth’ In Number Of U.S. Mosques To An ‘Explosion’
It just focus grouped better, what. [Fox Nation via reallyfoxnews Tumblr]
February 29, 2012
Google ‘Spreading Santorum’ A Little Less When It Comes To Rick Santorum
Former Pennsylvania (?) Senator Rick Santorum initially rose to prominence when it was discovered that his last name is — go figure! — a perfect homonym with “santorum,” the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex. So what a stroke of luck for his presidential campaign, that [...]
February 29, 2012
Neo-Nazi Scumball Would Like To Be Your Newest GOP Sweetheart, Illinois
In a pleasant twist, Godwin’s Law has been turned on its concern-trolling old head: Yes, GOP crank Arthur Jones is an actual Nazi! Jones is a terribly sane old white insurance salesman who likes to run around Lyons, Ill., denying the Holocaust, goosestepping with the Grand Old National Socialist Party while they march on Marquette [...]
February 29, 2012
Eternal Bachelor David Dreier To Leave House, Closet?
The tanned and dapper California Republican who dated Greatest American Hero George W. Bush’s sister Doro, and yet never porked her, not even once (to classy dame Barbara’s great dismay), will leave Congress as his shitty Inland Empire district has been redrawn. And guess what? It’s now full of Mexicans.
Why do dumb people always vote for terrible candidates? It’s because they’re dumb! This is according to new scientific studies, according to some website: The research, led by David Dunning, a psychologist at Cornell University, shows that incompetent people are inherently unable to judge the competence of other people, or the quality of those people’s [...]
February 29, 2012
Mitt Romney Mocks Poor NASCAR Fans In Plastic Rain Ponchos
Now that Mitt Romney has barely managed to win his abandoned “home state” of Michigan, we can get back to marveling at his weird millionaire android interactions with the common folk who make up the Republican base. For example, Mitt also enjoys NASCAR race car crashes, because he visited that NASCAR track and made his [...]
February 28, 2012
Virginia Senate Passes Marginally Less Rapey Ultrasound Bill
Oh, how cute, the Virginia Senate has voted 21-19 in favor of a bill to ensure Dave Albo’s wife never sexes him again. Since determining that the howling shrieking whorish harpies bitching about their Jesus-mandated transvaginal ultrasounds might actually persuade all womyn to never vote Republican again, the GOP listened, and amended their bill to [...]
