The UN is not doing its job right, jobs are becoming more neurotic, and Chinese bureaucrats are apparently the James Bonds of the East. Plus, it’s my last day! Rio+20 is not doing well and it’s making the United Nations look bad because more people are dying from pollution and impure water than climate change. […]

Happy Friday, everyone! Isn’t it great when we as Americans are friends with gay people and immigrants and Saudi Arabia? We should throw a party and all hang out together! But shhh don’t invite Mitt. He’s too busy giving speeches in Michigan. Also, he’s lame. Obama’s big announcements about gay marriage and immigration continually make […]

Can women have it all? Not yet! At least, not until I get an Iron Man suit — sorry, Iron Woman. [The Atlantic] Are liberals hypocrites about national security?! How dare you, Salon! That’s so mean! Anyway, probably. I mean, liberal Hollywood’s movie Iron Man is about an arms dealer who forgoes making weapons — […]

Make beautiful music with today’s news! Or steal it, you jerky jerkface. The GOP is encouraging people to hurl “vulgarities” at the President. We at Wonkette know none of you commenters would stoop that low! You’re all a bunch of saints, really. [Washington Post] Mitt Romney should use his Mormonism as a selling point. Well, […]

Good news, everyone! No, just kidding, it’s not. Can you tell the difference between ads and advocacy? Usually, it’s that one of them demands money and the other asks for it. But the line is blurring, which means basically that the ads are demanding you ask if you should give them money. [NPR] Mitt Romney […]

Do you have dreams, Wonkette commenters? I totally had one the other night about–wait, you want news? Oh, fine. Turns out Kickstarter is even worse than we thought! According to this article, it is destroying the economy because everyone is following their dreams. Yes, really. [Slate] Speaking of dreams, Obama said young immigrants won’t be […]

It’s Friday! Lounge in some articles about presidential legacies, lazy candidates, and a changing farming industry. Here’s an article about why presidents shouldn’t be concerned about how they will look when they go down in history. We’re pretty sure the main thing history is going to remember about President Obama is he was the first […]

According to the news today, the GOP hates celebrities, hates television, and hates words. St. Ronald Reagan would be so ashamed. The GOP doesn’t like it when Obama uses celebrities like Sarah Jessica Parker or Anna Wintour in his campaign, but they all fall over themselves over Donald Trump! See, the real problem is that […]

Mitt Romney is giving up on his roots, the Swedes are embarrassed, and “.pizza” is available as a domain name! It’s a trippy day all around, folks. Mitt Romney is forsaking his home states Michigan, Massachusetts, and California, because he knows he can’t win in them. He becomes the first ever presidential candidate to do […]

Today, technology can make our lives better — even if our world as we know it is being destroyed! Oh, well, at least there’s a new episode of Game of — oh, crap. You can now donate to the presidential campaigns through text! No word on whether the presidential candidates would text back. How much […]

Good Monday! In the news today, Republican battles to not be involved in Mitt Romney’s campaign at all intensify, “Tricky Dick” had a mortifying nickname for a reason, and the Supreme Court wants you to stop telling them how fat they look in their robes. All of Mitt’s potential running mates are just too cool […]

Your morning news: this time with a main dish of weird news that Americans have finally begun stealing jobs back from China, a side of old news (yeah, yeah, Bush is annoying) and a dessert of future news (everyone’s going to be on Facebook soon!). America is actually stealing jobs from China. Someone explain this […]

This Thursday, Mitt Romney’s unlikable, Bill Clinton’s talking some awkward talk, and Barack Obama is making money. This is news? Unlike Bill Clinton, Mitt Romney is a terrible neighbor. Somehow he is gentrifying his already rich neighborhood and alienating his gay neighbors. He clearly needs to throw a huge, weird party with celebrities and funny […]

Today, we find out how many gay people there are while the Vatican works miracles in book selling (not that book!), and a new sport everyone can do but a new reality show almost no can join. Hmmm…. How many gay people are there, really, in the United States? Luckily, the answer’s actually pretty easy: […]

Welcome, Wonkette readers! Racism is in the past, the CDC is promising there are no zombies, and we’re building weapons to fight aliens! Aren’t you glad the past is over? According to Pew, difference in political opinions is what most divides Americans, rather than race or class. At first, this sounds amazing, because hello? Hooray […]