snipy
Separating Fiction From Even Weirder Fiction: A Special Fun Wonkette Quiz About The Weather
Everyone in the online universe has already pointed out that Oklahoma Senator Jim Inhofe (R-Tornado Alley) voted against Hurricane Sandy aid last year but will probably collect sweet sweet government monies for the Oklahoma disaster. (AS WELL HE SHOULD DAMMIT BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT THE GOVERNMENT IS THERE FOR EVEN IF YOUR SENATOR IS A [...]
Exciting New Book Allows You To Imagine Sexing Michele Bachmann While Freezing To Death
Not gonna lie. We’re big fans of the whole digital revolution thingy, because it means you give us monies to read our blog. Also, too, porn on the internet is so much easier to get than having to steal our dad’s copy of Hustler from between the mattress and the boxspring. We are not in [...]
Bradlee Dean: Gay Marriage Results In Plague Of Rocks, Rabies
Since you read Wonkette, you are probably a ghey or a ghey-lover, so you probably reacted with a range of emotions from “cool” to “ABOUT FUCKING TIME HELL YEAH” to the news that Minnesota’s gone gay all of a sudden. What you probably did not do is gnash your teeth and rend your garments about [...]
Army 2, Air Force 1: A Thrilling Contest To See Who Can Be The Absolute Worst About Sexual Assault
Remember November, when there were like one million gun tragedies in a row and we kept writing about them until we had horrible gun tragedy fatigue and said fuck it, because there’s only so many times you can write about dead kids before your soul hurts? That was…what is the opposite of fun? But hey! [...]
Civil Disobedience Gun March Guy May Not Really ‘Get’ Gandhi
For years we’ve had to endure the weird idea that Martin Luther King, Jr. was a seekrit conservative because…well, we don’t know why, actually. The whole thing is flummoxing, but we’ve learned to just tune those people out when they start explaining that the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards [...]
We Would Rather Have Snakes On A Plane Than Listen To This Guy Tell Us About Jesus
If you are a gay, you are probably pretty happy right now, what with the getting married and the turning Hillz into a lesbian, it has been all nice time for you all the time. Sorry to say that time is coming to an end, because this dude is going to sit next to you [...]
Hillary Is Going To Come Out! Exclusive! Must Credit Wonkette For Writing About the Enquirer!
Remember John Edwards? You do, and you are sad about it, yeah? Your own little progressive Icarus who flew too close to the bright hot sun of the National Enquirer and then fell to earth, wings aflame, or hurtled into the sun, or exploded or something. We do not know because we skipped Greek classics [...]
Gays Take Minnesota, Gain Crucial Ground In Global War On Marriage
You guys, it has been a banner fucking month to be a homosexual type person. Thus far in the merry merry month of May we’ve seen Rhode Island and Delaware go gay, but those were tiny states with laughably small land masses. It was time for a big Midwestern kind of state to step up. [...]
Rand Paul Will Work With Jesus To Help You Cling To Your Guns
While the species of libertarian fanboy known as the Paultard will strenuously argue that Paul brand politics are different from those of garden variety wild-eyed Republicans, it is becoming clear that the young prince of Pauldom (Rand Paul) is laughing at the Paultards as much as we do. As part of a campaign to make [...]
The Heritage Foundation And The Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Super Racist Week
Ohey there Heritage Foundation! How’ve you been? How’s the wife? Kids still taking violin lessons? Good good. Anything new? Been in the news at all lately? Oh…sorry, yes you have, because you are busy defending yourselves from multiple completely well-founded charges that you are fucking racists? That is so sad sorry we are not sorry.
Chris Christie Got Weight-Reduction Surgery And You People Will Be Nice Time About It Because We Say So
So we wake up today and the world is all a-flutter about how Chris Christie had weight reduction surgery. (Yeah, yeah, we know people were talking about it last night, but we were busy watching the Met Gala and trying to figure out what the hell Beyonce was wearing. Sue us.) Where were we? Oh, [...]
Minor Columnist Discovers Secret to Fixing America: Get Rid of All Poor Lonely Mommies
Hey there, errrebody. What are you up to? Nursing your hangover? Still drinking? Wishing you were dead? Us too, goddammit, but you don’t see us whining about it. Instead, we’re out combing the digital infotainews sphere and enduring get-off-my-lawn levels of derp from third-rate columnists at smallish city newspapers. Yes, Saint Paul, Minnesota’s own Joe [...]
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