Author Archives: Sara K. Smith

Full Name: Sara K. Smith Website:
Info: Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!
 

‘America Is Annoying’

President Obama and the other president, Hillary Rodham Clinton, have forged a strong partnership in spite of their bruising campaign battle because maybe both are adults or something? [New York Times] Read more on ‘America Is Annoying’…
  and serfs built the excalibur

Harry Reid Wins Coveted Slave/Union Boss Endorsement

You know who likes Harry Reid? A “slave boss” from Dubai, who used slave labor to build Dubai’s architecturally adventurous hospitality industry edifices, so Harry Reid is basically Simon Legree! Which makes sense, when you consider that unionized African slaves built the Luxor casino two thousand years ago. [YouTube] Read more on Harry Reid Wins Coveted Slave/Union Boss Endorsement…
  pork everywhere all the time

Suddenly Senate Republicans Heart Earmarks

Ha ha, remember when the 2009 budget bill passed and every single Republican on the face of the planet was OUTRAGED because of earmarks? (Well, mostly just John McCain.) Now the tables have turned and they love the shit out of earmarks, all of them, which is why they refused to support legislation banning these dumb things! Read more on Suddenly Senate Republicans Heart Earmarks…
 

Why You Should Not Mess With Drunk Lithuanian Engineers In Their Underpants

Thai anti-government protesters are continuing with their extremely unsanitary practice of pouring their own blood on things, in public. [Bloomberg] President Obama will pull a “Nixon visits China” over at Fox News, which means that in just two short years we can expect him to resign from office in shame for completely unrelated reasons. [New York Times] Read more on Why You Should Not Mess With Drunk Lithuanian Engineers In Their Underpants…
  whaaaa?

Arlen Specter Maybe Not So Much Of A Loser After All

Arlen Specter is such a loser he would do anything to win, such as RADICALLY shifting his positions from those of a liberal Republican to a conservative Democrat! Just so that he could stay a senator, which offers zero perks except the secret underground supertrain! For a while it looked like he was going to get slaughtered at the polls by perennial enemy Pat Toomey, but now maybe not so much, because of Polling Science. Read more on Arlen Specter Maybe Not So Much Of A Loser After All…
  TMI

Rielle Hunter Dishes On Gross Sex Affair With Gross Failed Presidential Candidate John Edwards

Are you one of the fistful of Americans who cares what Rielle Hunter does with her life since she bravely bore the child of the android King of Vulgarian Monticello, Mr. Johnny Edwards? Well, read on! Rielle Hunter has completed an interview with GQ and posed for a pantsless photo, just as Susan B. Anthony intended. Read more on Rielle Hunter Dishes On Gross Sex Affair With Gross Failed Presidential Candidate John Edwards…
  dept. of tearful confessions

Republican Paid $150,000 To Keep Totally Innocent Hot-Tubbing Incident Quiet

Science proves that there is nothing wrong with people hot-tubbing in the nude near each other, even when one person is 28 and the other person is 15. In spite of this fact, some gal needed $150,000 to “heal” from the painful memory of being naked in a hot tub near Kevin Garn once, a long time ago. Read more on Republican Paid $150,000 To Keep Totally Innocent Hot-Tubbing Incident Quiet…
  and yet the orca lives

HORRIBLE BUMMER: The Africkan Creature that ran through the streets of Atlanta on one memorable rush hour not too long ago has been put down. Apparently he messed up his hooves on his crazy walkabout, and they could not be fixed, and so he was killt. SAD. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution] Read more on …
 

Best Friday Ever

Set your alarm clock! Pre-orders for Apple’s latest slickly packaged menstrual product for ladies commence on April 3. [CNET] Huzzah, the government will stop subsidizing student lenders and will just make direct loans to students (if the budget bill ever passes)! [New York Times] Read more on Best Friday Ever…
  beauty secrets of the stars

Cantor Barely Surviving On Diet Of Tuna Sandwiches And Bile

Most politicians who arrive in Washington resembling relatively fit and attractive humans quickly become repulsive monsters, because the restaurants serve nothing but cheesy bread products and the Congressional gym is booby trapped with vicious nine-fingered Jews who will assault you, naked. So House Minority Whip Eric Cantor has really beaten the odds by remaining thin, somehow. Read more on Cantor Barely Surviving On Diet Of Tuna Sandwiches And Bile…
  smear campaigns

Part I Of Massa’s Amazing Interview With Glenn Beck, In Which Tickle Fights And Naval Orgies Are Discussed In Uncomfortable Detail

Watch the latest news video at video.foxnews.com Here is some awesome video from Glenn Beck’s amazing interview with Eric Massa, the man who was run out of office by a churlish nude White House Chief of Staff who could not stand to see Massa farting all over Barack Obama’s precious beloved healthcare. But the truth: tickle fights and Caligula orgies may have contributed to our Hero’s downfall. The best part is watching Beck’s horror as it dawns on him that this martyr to Washington’s corrupt Machine is actually a delusional narcissist who just wants to show him an X-ray of his liver. [Fox News] Read more on Part I Of Massa’s Amazing Interview With Glenn Beck, In Which Tickle Fights And Naval Orgies Are Discussed In Uncomfortable Detail…
 

Nothing’s Shocking

People might hate President Obama, but they hate Congress more, so … epic win for healthcare reform (if Obama fires Congress)? [AP] Chief Justice Roberts does not think the Supreme Court is above criticism — just above public criticism. [Los Angeles Times] Read more on Nothing’s Shocking…
  you cannot legislate the gayness out of florida

PASS THIS IMPORTANT BILL IMMEDIATELY: “Movie and TV productions with gay characters could be ineligible for a tax credit being considered in the [Florida] state House.” Good thing Miami Vice is over! [AP] Read more on …
  fun things that happened over the weekend

Latest Obama Monkey Email Sent In Spirit Of Fun And Friendship

Hey, so, slow news month! Nothing much happening except the normal earthquakes and Iraqi elections and, of course, your usual totally innocent racist email about the Obamas which was thoughtlessly forwarded by some douche who just thought he was having some lighthearted fun, talking about monkeys and black people. This one comes from the CEO of the Tennessee Hospitality Association, who made the mistake of forwarding this hilarious email to a few reporters. Read more on Latest Obama Monkey Email Sent In Spirit Of Fun And Friendship…