In your continuing coverage of teevee anchors who work on shows you don’t watch, here’s some news on the foreign correspondent with the bangs and the weird accent! Christiane Amanpour, “the thinking man’s Scud Stud,” will replace George Stephanopoulos as the host of ABC’s “This Week.”

President Obama and the other president, Hillary Rodham Clinton, have forged a strong partnership in spite of their bruising campaign battle because maybe both are adults or something? [New York Times] A new poll shows that many Israelis are in the tank for Barack Obama, while quite a few are not so sure about their […]

You know who likes Harry Reid? A “slave boss” from Dubai, who used slave labor to build Dubai’s architecturally adventurous hospitality industry edifices, so Harry Reid is basically Simon Legree! Which makes sense, when you consider that unionized African slaves built the Luxor casino two thousand years ago. [YouTube]

Ha ha, remember when the 2009 budget bill passed and every single Republican on the face of the planet was OUTRAGED because of earmarks? (Well, mostly just John McCain.) Now the tables have turned and they love the shit out of earmarks, all of them, which is why they refused to support legislation banning these […]

Thai anti-government protesters are continuing with their extremely unsanitary practice of pouring their own blood on things, in public. [Bloomberg] President Obama will pull a “Nixon visits China” over at Fox News, which means that in just two short years we can expect him to resign from office in shame for completely unrelated reasons. [New […]

Arlen Specter is such a loser he would do anything to win, such as RADICALLY shifting his positions from those of a liberal Republican to a conservative Democrat! Just so that he could stay a senator, which offers zero perks except the secret underground supertrain! For a while it looked like he was going to […]

Are you one of the fistful of Americans who cares what Rielle Hunter does with her life since she bravely bore the child of the android King of Vulgarian Monticello, Mr. Johnny Edwards? Well, read on! Rielle Hunter has completed an interview with GQ and posed for a pantsless photo, just as Susan B. Anthony […]

A new standard for protest has been set in Thailand, and now Tea Partiers look like a bunch of nancies for not throwing (human?) blood at the buildings of their rivals. [CNN] Relations between the US and Israel have reached “a crisis of historic proportions” since Bibi Netanyahu crapped in Joe Biden’s lunch box. [Reuters] […]

Science proves that there is nothing wrong with people hot-tubbing in the nude near each other, even when one person is 28 and the other person is 15. In spite of this fact, some gal needed $150,000 to “heal” from the painful memory of being naked in a hot tub near Kevin Garn once, a […]

AND YET THE ORCA LIVES  9:44 am March 12, 2010

by Sara K. Smith

HORRIBLE BUMMER: The Africkan Creature that ran through the streets of Atlanta on one memorable rush hour not too long ago has been put down. Apparently he messed up his hooves on his crazy walkabout, and they could not be fixed, and so he was killt. SAD. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]

DAILY BRIEFING  9:14 am March 12, 2010

Best Friday Ever

by Sara K. Smith

Set your alarm clock! Pre-orders for Apple’s latest slickly packaged menstrual product for ladies commence on April 3. [CNET] Huzzah, the government will stop subsidizing student lenders and will just make direct loans to students (if the budget bill ever passes)! [New York Times] Beloved Olympic champion Lindsey Vonn won some other thing! [BBC News] […]

Most politicians who arrive in Washington resembling relatively fit and attractive humans quickly become repulsive monsters, because the restaurants serve nothing but cheesy bread products and the Congressional gym is booby trapped with vicious nine-fingered Jews who will assault you, naked. So House Minority Whip Eric Cantor has really beaten the odds by remaining thin, […]

Watch the latest news video at Here is some awesome video from Glenn Beck’s amazing interview with Eric Massa, the man who was run out of office by a churlish nude White House Chief of Staff who could not stand to see Massa farting all over Barack Obama’s precious beloved healthcare. But the truth: […]

DAILY BRIEFING  8:11 am March 10, 2010

Nothing’s Shocking

by Sara K. Smith

People might hate President Obama, but they hate Congress more, so … epic win for healthcare reform (if Obama fires Congress)? [AP] Chief Justice Roberts does not think the Supreme Court is above criticism — just above public criticism. [Los Angeles Times] Liz Cheney’s “who are these terrorist lawyers, defending terrorists?” video was so repellent […]

PASS THIS IMPORTANT BILL IMMEDIATELY: “Movie and TV productions with gay characters could be ineligible for a tax credit being considered in the [Florida] state House.” Good thing Miami Vice is over! [AP]