December 5, 2013
“You must weigh in on this whole IPHONE BABY thing, as I know in my heart that you’ve read all this stuff, and have Concerns (or No Concerns),” wrote Editor Ken, which was completely untrue: Your former morning editor had not read this thing, because she was too busy looking after an actual baby.
Your former morning editor has had thoughts of Wonkette bopping around her brain for many months now, honestly, but has ignored old Ken Layne’s repeated commands to just write a goddamned column about something because, well, a bunch of things. Number one, the news isn’t exactly at the top of yours truly’s radar these days, [...]
HERE, READ THIS IMPORTANT THING ON FOOD AID: So apparently there are these things called “ready-to-use therapeutic foods,” and they do miracle things for malnourished babies and mothers. But the US does not spend food-aid money on these RUTFs, because they’re usually manufactured overseas and US food aid $$ have to be spent on food [...]
Just yesterday Jim Newell, the most prescient investigative journalist since Nostradamus, very sensibly asked, “What in fuck are [Sarah Palin] and LL Cool J going to talk about” on some crappy Fox News show? The answer is, nothing!
Rhode Island, “the Ocean State,” was ironically unprepared for massive flooding that hit this week. [CNN] Kathleen Sebelius sent a sternly worded memo to insurers telling them that they had to be nice to children, even the ones with wonky aortas. [ABC News] The long-awaited spike in swine flu cases has finally come to Georgia, [...]
It used to be that an ambitious, semiliterate Alaskan had just one route to fame: strike it big while pannin’ fer goald and be immortalized in a poem by Robert Service. But recent history shows that all you have to do is be willing to depart your beloved Meth Capital of Wasilla and either 1) [...]
Remember that time John Boehner got all shouty on the House floor about all the smoke-filled rooms he hadn’t been invited into when Democrats were busy writing the health care legislation he hated so much?
President Obama made a surprise visit to Afghanistan, where he checked to see if President Karzai had really cleaned his room or just shoved all his junk under his bed. Then Obama put on a leather jacket and wowed scores of troops with his winning Sarah Palin impersonation. [Washington Post] The Moscow Metro has been [...]
Once upon a time there was a magical fairy princess who toured the world in S&M dungeon garb conducting fake affairs with Canadian dignitaries, and at night she would go home and polish off whole bottles of lukewarm ten-dollar Chardonnay while eating microwave popcorn and weeping silently to reruns of What Not to Wear. Her [...]
Oh look, it’s the “I’m Just a Bill” guy decked out like an Acorn Pimp, as he entices youngsters into smoking because why not, now that Obamacare has forever removed absolutely all incentive for us to stay healthy! This Blingee provides extra bonus seizures, which are now mandatory for all Americans over the age of [...]
A 90-minute discussion between President Obama and Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu did not include the customary public handshake at the beginning, which means that World War III (AIPAC vs. ACORN) will commence shortly. [Guardian] Parents, don’t all rush to have asthmatic kids just because you think they can get insurance now! They cannot. [AP] Speaking [...]
Did you know that your precious Death Panel legislation includes a mandate to resurrect the corpse of Karl Marx thrice yearly, or else face a maximum penalty of one percent of your income plus ten minutes in a dark room with John Boehner? Look at the President chortling as he zaps Marx to life! He [...]
Health care reform shocker: American Indians are not subject to the Hitlerous insurance mandate. Why does Barack Obama not want Indians vaccinated against smallpox? [New York Times] Still not clear on when you’ll be sent to the Death Panels? Read on. [Associated Press] Hillary Clinton is going to tell AIPAC to stuff it, politely. [Haaretz] [...]
If you ever needed proof that Sarah Palin is totally going bald, feast your eyes upon this confection, courtesy of the Roadside Mulletry and House Of Hair Hats. [Foxnooz/Rumproast]