Dear Neighbors: Hello. Hi. How are you? I’m fine. Well, actually, that’s a lie. I am not fine. I am enraged. I am livid. I am ready to freak the fuck out. Why? Because we’re in the midst of the worst drought in California history, and you won’t stop watering your fucking lawns. READ MORE […]

Today is Freedom Eve, so naturally we are celebrating over at Happy Nice Time People! Between the apple pie, the guns, and the glory, we don’t know what to do with ourselves! But don’t worry, we’ve got your horoscopes and your Bobby Womack and your (NBD) RACHEL MADDOW LOVING WONKETTE and so much more. We […]

Happy 4th of July! Are you an American? Great! Then I can tell you everything you need to know about yourself, based exclusively on your Sun Sign. If you are not an American, stop reading RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, because this is American Astrology (TM), not Commie Foreign Astrology Shit Crap. Seriously, this is for […]

Happy Nice Time People is many things — fun, funny, dark, weird, fascinating, light, sassy, fluffy — but most of all it is not afraid to be servicey. Thus, we sometimes delve into the world of mental health, as we did today. And also we talked about the United States exiting The Foreignball Cup, and […]

It is so stupid, to not be born a man. It is the dumbest thing a person could possibly do, yet fully 51% of the population has committed this sin! We are so grossed out by this, and we are so delighted by today’s Supreme Court decision. Haha, this is a joke, we hate this […]

Today’s SCOTUS decision on birth control has us feeling creative! In addition to writing a fantastic one-act play called “The Taming Of The Slut,” we’ve compiled a list of ten Hobby Lobby products that sound like birth control or abortifacients (these are two different things, but not according to the douchedudes on the Supreme Court!) but […]

The curtain opens on a  generic office setting. THE BOSS sits behind a desk, feet up, hands folded behind head. His employee, LADY WORKER, enters, looking nervous.  LADY WORKER: You wanted to see me? THE BOSS: Yes, yes. Do sit down, child. Wait, you do not have your period, do you? LADY WORKER: Excuse me? THE […]

Haha, today was the day we were finally able to use the term *shots fired* like the thugs we are. Why? Because we debuted Kaili Joy’s new fabulous column, I Am Mad About A Thing. It is the most important thinkskolumn feelsplanation since Maureen Dowd did first put fancy pen to the finest paper. Now […]

Yesterday’s SCOTUS decision striking down a protester buffer ring around Massachusetts health clinics made me remember the time I got “counseled” by a man protesting Planned Parenthood. He yelled “MURDERER!” at me and waved a Bible. I was 25, scared, and fresh off a nasty surprise in the form of a broken condom. I blurted out, “Not […]

GOOOOOAAAAAAAL! This is a thing Spanish-speaking commentator gents will say on the teevee today, hopefully when the US scores a million bajillion points against Germany. We’ve got a whole lotta fun goin’ on at Happy Nice Time People! We’re liveblogging the USA Vs Germany foreignball soccer match right until it’s over! We analyzed the ways […]

Today’s match is Hitler’s nightmare scenario: a US team with a German national hero as a coach plus a bunch of international players with dual citizenship, including five guys with German moms and African-American service member dads. It is also master troll Ann Coulter’s nightmare scenario because she hates soccer, and immigrants, and fun. They […]

Whew! A lot happened this afternoon over at Happy Nice Time People. Mainly, the Internet went INSANE on us for our earlier post, Please Stop Bragging About Your Husband On Facebook. People got so happy about it, and also so mad, all over the Internet! If you haven’t checked it out, you should obviously check it […]

There are so many gay states in the union, but today Indiana is the gayest of all! That’s because a federal judge struck down Indiana’s same-sex marriage ban. And the Hoosiergays (this is their name) have ALREADY STARTED MARRYING! Marion County Clerk Beth White said she is prepared to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples […]

We’re raring to go over at Happy Nice Time People this morning, mostly because we are JACKED UP on coffee and the such. Examine our links and find what intrigues ye, then click through and go to our rainbow land of magic and wonder! We yelled at nice women who just want to brag about […]

Well, what a lovely afternoon it’s been over at Happy Nice Time People! We’ve really gotten up to all sorts of fun and games, what with Luis Suarez biting a man and Harry Dean Stanton being great at acting and the such and the like. Hearken unto us and click through to read our magical […]