Hey ladies! How’s it hanging? And by “it,” I mean your engorged clitoris, which you are currently diddling because of Satan and lust and sadness and idolatry and the “void” that is your ginny. Let’s all get out our hand mirrors and hold them up to inspect … OUR SOULS! READ MORE

What has the Stupidest Man on the Internet, Jim Hoft, got for us today? Besides all the other things he has for us today? WHAT DOESN’T HE HAVE! (Besides our $3150. #paythefuckup.) Take, for instance, this masterpiece, “SHOCK REPORT: Oregon Energy Plant Burns Aborted Babies to Generate Electricity,” in which a bunch of communists are […]

So much happy! So little time! Sean Hannity SO MAD at Jon Stewart, SOOOO MAD! OPRAH’s ex-stepmom sounds like a real nice lady who calls her stepdaughter “ghetto,” laughs at her taste, calls her a lesbian, and then is : ( that Oprah won’t let her live in her mansion. How does Upworthy think you’re […]

I kind of feel like we shouldn’t really need a trigger warning in the headline up there, considering the word “rape” is already in it. But since we’re not going to add a trigger warning every time we post a picture of a “thin-bodied” person (tw #thinbodied tw), or start asking people what pronouns they’d […]

Some time during the candidate talent show – an actual talent show, featuring statewide Democrats running for office in blood-red Oklahoma, with the winner chosen by applause for a prize of a $100 donation and one precious hour of old Oklahoma ladies phone banking, courtesy of the Pottawatomie County Dems — I slid from the […]

We love Wendy Davis. You love Wendy Davis. We and you want to do very sexy things to Wendy Davis, even the straight chicks. Unfortunately, even saying that is the kind of thing the Wendy Davis for Governor campaign would send out an OUTRAGED PRESS RELEASE ABOUT. Most of you don’t get Wendy Davis for […]

Fox News is pretty sure that World Net Daily must know some real inside stuff about the armed-standoff goings-on at Bundy Ranch, like for instance the government causing the lunar eclipse. Also, the jackbooted thugs who come to seize yr stuff when you don’t pay your grazing fees for 197,000 years, those jackbooted thugs may […]

When our friends in the GOP make up their minds about something, by golly they stick to it! This is called “principles,” and it is just the right thing to do. Recently, their number one most important principle has become “don’t let Barack Obama get credit for raising the minimum wage,” and so they have […]

Instagram, it’s this thing. We do not actually know what it is, you look at other people’s lunch? And old pictures of Joe Biden and Chris Christie, who, judging by babby (and we are not being sizeist here, just historical-minded), seems to have begun his weight gain as sympathy bloat? How undapper and unstyley he […]

A year ago, there was a small to-do in Boston. Just your usual everyday thing, as long as you’re in Dresden in WWII. Yesterday Boston hit refresh on that awful day, with proud Bostonians running to the finish line on their once-mangled legs, only to find a big black backpack awaiting them. Surprise! It’s ART! […]

We determined many years ago, let us put that number in the vicinity of “we are old,” that we should not judge art we hadn’t seen for ourselves. (It had to do with our High Dudgeon about Kevin Smith’s Chasing Amy, and how dare he have his man hero change a lesbian, and then we […]

Have you seen that ADORABLE ad, about how moms are unpaid slaves and what kind of idiot would take a job as one? Here, watch all 14 hours because apparently Ghost Andy Warhol is making greeting card viral videos now. (My mom: “I watched ‘Empire’ in the theater. It was WONDERFUL.” My mom is a […]

Hey, 2014 midterm people? Especially those of you who are Tea Party Republicans? What is your hard-on for the dick-joke-themed ads this election season? Sure, we make dick jokes, but we are vulgar and obscene and ain’t nobody voting us into Congress, although they could and have done worse. And even we moved on from […]

You all hear about this dumb idiot 14-year-old Dutch girl who has been arrested for tweeting funny bomb threats to American Airlines? First she was all racist, like, “I am Ibrahim and I love Al Qaeda and also bombing shit,” and then she thought she could “block” the FBI on Twitter. Oh man, what a […]

Willie Nelson playing a private “backyard bbq” fundraiser for Wendy Davis? YAY NICE TIME! SHOTGUN WILLIE! POT JOKE POT JOKE HAW HAW HAW! Also, that was a pretty good title for the post, we guess, so we have that going for us. Now, if we could just get Miss Dolly Parton to come play too, […]