Oh man, aren’t poor people the worst? Like, there you are, “working and playing” in … Indianapolis, sure, why not, just go with it. You are just trying to enjoy a “meal, cigar,” and some dirty homeless waif comes up and is like “waaah, good sir, I am so hungry, can you spare a ducat?” […]

Scott Brown, that pretty fella who used to be Massachusetts’s junior senator till he got his ass war-whooped by one Mrs. Perfesser Elizabeth Warren, has some thoughts on that terrible Halbig decision yesterday, the one by the DC Court of Appeals that said “why yes, Republican governors may singlehandedly fuck Obamacare, right in the ear,” […]

Brian Kilmeade got a GOTCHA on some dumb Texas “sheriff,” when he played 911 tapes of illegal immigrants calling the police for help with stupid things like “not dying.” “So those calls, you have to respond to, even though for the most part, when you get there you realize, they’re not even American citizens?” Kilmeade […]

You probably remember Sandra Fluke. She’s the nice young lady who testified to Congress about how birth control is sometimes used by people to regulate their polycystic ovary syndrome or whatever, and so Rush Limbaugh went fucking nuts, calling her a slut (for a week) and saying if he was going to pay for her […]

Three hundred-ish people died on the Malaysian Airlines flight shot down over the Ukraine yesterday. A good number of them were on their way to Australia for an AIDS research conference. Some were activists; many were doctors and scientists. And many people aboard the plane had nothing to do with AIDS or buttsechs or teh […]

For sale, one gently used website. No, not this one, idjits. You will pry wonket from our cold dead fingers, because as God is our witness we will never job-search again. No, our sweet little sister site, HappyNiceTimePeople.com, is for sale for the going rate: $47 and a sandwich. Many of you have asked over […]

You may be surprised to learn that the GOP wants to repeal and replace a thing, but this time they actually have a replacement for the thing they want to repeal! The thing they want to repeal and replace this time is DACA TVPRA*, the 2008 law signed by George W. Bush that says that […]

Hey kids! It is time once again for Bristol Palin to smear some Thoughts at us! What is our topic for today? It is how the “president” had a gay sex fist bump, per Ben Shapiro, or “five short paragraphs from the National Review Online followed by two sentences ‘by’ Bristol Palin, neither of which […]

Here is a feel-good summertime story from our occasionally sane pals at Reason: a woman — she’s no “lady”! — is in jail and her nine-year-old daughter is in The System, because the woman let her go by herself to the park, several days in a row. Did we mention this 9-year-old girl was BY […]

Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Home For The Criminally Petulant has landed another hot scoopty-scoop today, following their masterful expose of Adidas-manufactured terrist prayer rugs. And that scoop? All those border children who are, eventually, released to family members in the United States while they wait for their George W. Bush-sanctioned due process, are allowed to […]

Wonkers, someone has a sad, and it is Rick Perry. Why is he sad? Cause HE AIN’T GOT NO ICE CREAM. (We believe the credit for the above should go to @eastsidekate.) Can you help Rick Perry, Wonkers? Hahaha, just kidding, of course you cannot. Rick Perry is beyond help, and also a picture of […]

Hi, it’s me, your Editrix! How are you? TERRIBLE? Are you TERRIBLE because we have soooo many ugly ads on this page, and they are ugly? Fuck dudes, that sucks, and I am sorry. NOW CAN YOU PLEASE STOP YELLING AT ME ABOUT THE ADS. Go click on Breitbart, or Daily Caller, or even our […]

Apparently some poor schmuck is running against Al Franken to represent the great state of Minnesota in the United States Senate. And that guy — Mike McFadden we guess? — is taking it to Franken’s side of the court or his goal or something (sportsball!) by proving he too knows a little bit about the […]

Apparently, Mr. Speaker of the House of Representatives John Q. Boehner was very ANGRY today, at the “president,” Barack Obama. Barack Obama was in Texas yesterday, meeting with Rick Perry about the border children — as he should have all along — and then gave a little presser about their talk. It was constructive! he […]

The fun libertarians (just kidding) at Reason have a big new poll out about Millennials — okay, not “about” Millennials, as in that case the answer would just be “Millennials suck,” but rather asking Millennials for their “thoughts” about “stuff.” Luckily, the poll confirms everything we have been saying about them since 1986 or so: […]