Rebecca Schoenkopf
Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!
Senator Lamar Alexander: HHS Chief Kathleen Sebelius Sold Arms To Iran To Fund Obamacare
Why is total mob capo of the DHS HHS Kathleen Sebelius shaking down companies to send arms to Iran so it can rape Nicaraguan nuns? This is an excellent question, one posed just this week by Tennessee Senator Lamar Alexander, previously known for being the boring guy who ran for president before Jon Huntsman whose [...]
George Zimmerman Was Understandably Threatened By Travyon Martin’s Cell Phone Picture Of A Gun
George Zimmerman’s attorneys have found the smoking gun, you guys. You see, it was totally warranted for their client to murder a 17-year-old boy, whom he’d been following, at night, and who then may have jumped him and kicked his ass while he was being followed by a strange man, because that boy once texted [...]
Louie Gohmert Defends His Fellow Brain-Dead Americans
Everybody needs an advocate. This is why, in our criminal justice system, even murderers and Ken Lay get to have attorneys. And who better to advocate for babies who would be born without brain function than their leader, Texas Mensa President Louie Gohmert? That is why he stood up to Big Abortion in the guise [...]
Vatican Advisor Says True Thing
We here at Wonkette mostly luuuuurve our new pope, New Pope. He is a communist (communism!)! He saved and returned all his newspaper rubber bands every month (loves the environment!)! He went to the slums and did Mass for hookers (like Bizarro American Jesus!)! He did his own cooking and lived in a little apartment [...]
Thank God This Arizona Republican Was There To Redo Invocation Ruined By Filthy Atheist Secular Humanist, Gross
Yesterday, we had a bit of a warm feeling where we’re told our heart should be when a Godless Arizona Democrat used his turn to give the legislature’s invocation to invite his fellow lawmakers to look around and see their common humanity, their fellowship, that whether they agreed on certain issues or not, they were [...]
Josephine County, Oregon: Your New Libertarian Paradise!
Move over Galt’s Gulch! Get out of here, Somalia! Josephine County, Oregon, is here to show you how real rugged individualists do: by refusing to vote to raise property taxes, even though the county ain’t got no more police outside of regular business hours, and the sheriff says “every day” someone is the victim of [...]
How Is Glenn Beck Saying America Got Raped Today? A Wonkette Contest!
We were pretty excited when Miss Kaili Joy came into the sekrit Wonket chatcave with this totally popular Salon tweet that had been liked by one egg. Kaili Joy G: should we place bets on what he’s talking about? I haven’t clicked yet Gary L: the immigration reform bill Rebecca S: I know! I know! [...]
Black Republican Virginia Lt. Gov Nominee Loves Segregation, Being Three-Fifths Of A Person
This week, we met E.W. Jackson, a conservative firebrand and Tea Party favorite who was nominated for Virginia’s lieutenant governorcy by virtue of the fact that the GOP skipped having a primary election this year in favor of letting their hardcore dingbats do it up convention-styley. This is like if California Democrats decided to turn [...]
Who Is John McCain Yelling At Now? (Hint: It Is Republicans)
John McCain is a bit of an odd duck. When he is not yelling at his wife that she is a fucking trollop cuntwhore, he is seething with not-quite-restrained anger at “that one” and pushing ladies into walls and almost punching other old ladies in wheelchairs. WHUT? Yeah. But now he is using his fearsome [...]
With Big Hollywood Feminazi Out Of Kentucky Senate Race, Dems Eye Former Miss America Married To Total Felon
Kentucky Democrats, you are awesomesauce. You are respresented by Mitch McConnell, who was the least popular senator in the country until Arizona Senator Jeff Flake stepped on his “friend” Gabby Gifford’s shattered skull to vote against background checks at gun shows, whoops. And yet, when faced with what could possibly be a winnable race, you [...]
Michele Bachmann’s God Is One Weird Fella
Super-sane and not at all Kaa-eyed congresslady Michele Bachmann prays to a fearsome G_d. First, He did Benghazi. Next, he will send the archangel Michael, probably disguised as a bunny, to wrestle the repeal pen into Barack Odumbo’s hand, and then Odumbo will sign the repeal of his signature law, Odumbocare, because Michele Bachmann prayed [...]
Uh Oh Someone Is Politicizing The Tornado In Moore, Time To Get The Pitchforks
Sheldon Whitehouse, the senator from Rhode Island, went on a nice 15 minute tirade about climate change, but he accidentally forgot to tell James Inhofe to eat shit.
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