Knock-knock! Ezra Klein, are you there? So. There is sexual predator that rides the same bus as you. He knows your name. He likes you. In a sexual way. Next time you take the bus, look around you. Is there a strange man staring at you as he touches himself? THAT’S HIM! [DCist] MORE »

Hot date! Southern gentleman and rhetorician REP. JOE WILSON (R-SC) has been given the honor of escorting German Chancellor-Frau ANGELA MERKEL to the 20th annual Berlin Wall Ball. But will Joe be ready for the big night? Where will he find a corsage that compliments Angela’s captivating blue eyes? And can he trust the ILLEGAL ALIENS who work at the dry cleaners with his tailcoat? And does he remember how to waltz? Gossip mongers report that Joe has been practicing his footwork all week: 1-2-SCREAM, 1-2-SCREAM, 1-2-SCREAM. Very rhythmic, that Joe Wilson. He’s got those happy feet, moves with the music … MORE »

• Yeah yeah alright, the mighty elephant “ballot boxed” (pun!) the snot out of the scrawny little donkey. But check out the guns on that elephant, and his extremely agitated facial expression. ‘Roids. Textbook case. [RedState]
• Everyone gets access to affordable health care? Isn’t that what happened to the Jews at Dachau? The latest scholarship — and some dude with a sign — would suggest so. [Think Progress]
• Delete your Gmail account, pound a two-liter bottle of Robitussin and head for Mexico. You have been way too productive lately, and it’s time to take it easy. [Matt Yglesias]
• Wall Street gets first dibs on the swine flu vaccine! Let us weep for Matt Taibbi. He is still without an FDA-approved vaccine for his uncontrollable rage. [AMERICAblog]

• Sesame Street beefs on FOX? Oscar the Grouch lives in a trashcan because he is a dirty Maoist. [Gateway Pundit]
• Barack Obama > Moderate Democrats > Barney Frank’s Dining Room Table > Moderate Republicans > Michael Steele. [Matt Yglesias]
• The best part of last night was when voters told the Gays they couldn’t get married. Remember the Maine! And suck a fat one, Rachel Maddow! [The Corner]
• A Hoffman poll watcher had his tires slashed by ACORN, but “local police are not willing to confirm it was a tire slashing.” Ha, typical! More foul play from the conniving Democrats. [RedState]
• “The GOP renaissance has begun,” said the cow blocking the train. “Moo.” [TPM]

• Oh no. Oh no no no. What is this? What … how? Democratic “gangbangers,” gangbanging doors, with flyers? And a video — a terrifying video! — of an anonymous woman, who fears for her dear sweet life … HELP! NEW JERSEY DEMOCRATIC FLYER-GANGBANGERS! [Hot Air]
• Michelle Malkin double-doggy dares you to defend muslins and their so-called sharia law. [Michelle Malkin]
  

• Vote Jonah Goldberg’s brother for NYC City Council! And then read about Jonah Goldberg’s kitten lightsaber fettish — but only if you vote for his brother! [The Corner]
• We now know for sure that waterboarding saved America from shoe bombers and global warming. Q. E. muther-fuckin’ D. [Weekly Standard]
• A very important Arizona Republican correctly points out that Democrats are entirely unfamiliar with the daily suffering of “those brown people.” [Think Progress]

• Erick Erickson insists upon a Great Purge to keep the GOP pure. Erick, you sick sick Stalinist bastard! [RedState]
• Sarah Palin is “ready” to be “president,” according to “Rush” “Limbaugh.” [Gateway Pundit]
• Who else is on the CIA payroll, besides Ahmed Wali Karzai and Luis Posada Carriles? The answer will not surprise you in the least. [The Plank]
• Oh, GREAT: The terrorists get free swine flu vaccines while pregnant women and stray children are encouraged to stock up on Emergen-C and hope for the best. This is health care reform? We want America back! [Ace of Spades]
• Remember when Bill Clinton parachuted into North Korea and whispered delicious lies into Kim Jong-il’s tender ear and then saved two lady-journalists from a decade of slave labor? Yeah well, that part about Kim Jong-il never actually happened — hot damn, it was Photoshopped! [Daily Intel]

You network? We should network sometime. Let’s network. Let’s exchange business cards. Faxes. Telegrams. Beepers. E-mail signatures. STDs. Need to network. Need. To. Network. In DC it’s all about who you know. [Why I Hate DC] MORE »

• A terrifying “flash mob” of ten — five sets of two — Tea Baggers stormed the Capitol and created a new coalition government with three Birthers. [TPM]
• Senate likes Edward Brooke. Senate invites Edward Brooke to fancy ceremony. Senate gives Edward Brooke fancy gold medal. Edward Brooke accepts gold medal from Senate. Edward Brooke poops all over Senate. [The Caucus]
• Why must Matt disrespect Billy Corgan so thoroughly? Some believe in H1H1, some don’t. And some are agnostic. Is that so wrong? [Matt Yglesias]
• Hillary Clinton chanted the famous muslin prayer “Death to America” whilst prostrating herself before the holy shrine of Osama bin Laden. When will it end? [Gateway Pundit]
• NEW MALKIN DIAGRAM! This week: the molecular structure of the Red Menace. [Michelle Malkin]

Gee whiz, not even plague-ridden rodents phase BARACK OBAMA! It’s true: Once upon a time young Barry Obama was talking on the telephone — as Chicago lawyers often do — when quite out of nowhere a grimy rat scurried across the floor and climbed up his leg. TONY REZKO had threatened to unleash the rats if the rent was ever late, but Barry thought he was just joshing and so did Barry’s law partner BILL AYERS, who feared all species of vermin and instinctively jumped out the window. But Obama? Obama was cool as a cucumber, and offered the rat a smoke … MORE »

• What happens when a soulless pagan forest pixie asks to be removed from the RedState listserv? Well, to quote Christ… [RedState]
• Tinker Bell is a fucking whore. [Michelle Malkin]
• Dear Barack Obama: Focus! Focus on Afghanistan. Glue a map of Afghanistan to the back of your eyelids, so that you can focus on Afghanistan whilst you slumber. What are you doing right now? Eating lunch? You mean, not focusing on Afghanistan? See? Do you see the problem here? [Hot Air]
• What America needs now more than ever is some good ol’ fashioned conservative pessimism and/or some classic doomsday scenarios — both, if at all possible. Thank you. [Powerline]

• If the Phillies win the World Series, Charles Schumer will give Arlen Specter a cheesecake and Kristen Gillibrand. BUT, if the Phillies lose the World Series, Charles Schumer will give Arlen Specter Kristen Gillibrand. Quite the wager. [The Caucus]
• Remember that part in the Bible — Chapter 3? — when Jesus decides to clothesline a downtrodden leper, who only wanted a glass of water and maybe a few soothing words to ease his suffering? That was really out of character, but a superb plot twist. [True/Slant: Harmon Leon]
• Gorbachev talks about the Nobel Peace Prize, Barack Obama, and his upcoming solo album. [The Cable]
• You have every right to be angry that Columbia students made a very offensive rap about FOX news, but at least be happy that you are not flushing $80,000 down the toilet in J-school. [Gatway Pundit]
• Hezbollah cooked up a two-ton bowl of hummus and then invited the entire Middle East to the grandest hummus party in recorded history, while Israel — who for obvious reasons was not invited — sat at home and sulked. [Matt Yglesias]