Are you mad at Russia for doing this whole “arrest anybody who might like gay people” thing? Well then Pat Buchanan is mad at you. Probably. We can’t really tell, but he wrote some kind of opinion piece about it where he’s mad at Jay Leno for saying Russian “homosexual propaganda” laws sounded like Hitler-talk, […]

Update/Correction: A couple of emails to the Wonkette tipline have pointed out that, in our lust for mathematical slobberknockery, we got a couple of things DEAD WRONG in this story. We mislabeled the first two charts in our piece, which we said showed flat readership stats at Daily Caller. These charts, copied from the DC […]

Good morning, straight people. We want to talk to you about that weird feeling you’ve been having for about a week — that one where your marriage feels like it’s… worth less. You may be wondering why you feel that way. We happen to know. It’s because Yr Wonket performed a gay marriage in the […]

Hey, here’s somebody we haven’t heard from in a while! Must be Bid For Relevance Week for losing GOP candidates! Retired Army colonel and failed Florida Rep. Allen West, whom you may remember from his unabashedly patriotic efforts to protect America from communist tyranny by pushing for the installation of a military junta. He’s back though, sputtering nonsense […]

OK, so there’s this guy in Texas. He’s not a great fella, so to speak, as he has spent a lot of time getting convicted of stuff like cocaine possession and aggravated assault and leaving the scene of an accident. Not a saint. But he’s done his time in prison, “paid his debt” or whatever, […]

You may have missed it, but yesterday former MLB All Star and current Low Life Softball Salesman Jose Canseco tweeted the phone number of a woman he said was accusing him of rape in Nevada. He then deleted the tweet, and then tweeted that he did not ever delete tweets ever, and that is the […]

Good news everyone — we’ve got a brand new story about Jose Canseco, the pathetic, washed-up, wife-beating, bankrupted pus-sac that hit a gillion home runs, got all his friends to do steroids, then wrote a book tattling on all of them. The PED trailblazer has also jumped into new ways of abusing women: Moving on […]

The loving, spiritual gay-bashers of the Family Research Council have sent yr. Wonkette another of their insufferable emails. This one, though, rather than merely saying gay Boy Scouts are gross or that math does not count in polls anymore, takes a step far, far further into the debate over whether we should burn homosexuals at […]

Good morning! We would tell you that it is time to direct some media criticism at the Daily Caller, but that would be like telling you we were going to perform a linear regression analysis on a pile of horse diarrhea, so instead we will just say they are still quite stupid and get on […]

Hey there, teenagers who want emergency contraceptions! The FDA says you should be allowed to buy it, but the Department of Health and Human Services says you shouldn’t, and Obama isn’t really helping at all with this one, so if you’re scared you might be pregnant just keep reading the newspaper until you see an […]

Listen up, teenagers — the world is trying to teach you shit every day, and you are too busy with your Nintendos and Boone’s Farm to see it. The Boston bombing, for example, was chock full of life lessons, and since you are too distracted by Pop Tarts and the Ninja Turtles to take heed, […]

Greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ! This morning we would like to appeal to your faith and spirit of service to pass on the chief message of the New Testament: Gotta get that paper, stack that paper, take they paper. Jesus wants you to make a shit-ton of money, friend, and we […]

Hey, there is a really big national story going down right now — you know what that means! It’s time for the snide, slithering publicity slug that is Donald J. Trump to attempt to expand his shit-stain of public influence by gurgling up trite, inaccurate pond-spooge and passing it off as legitimate social commentary. This […]

Four days after the bombing of the Boston marathon and 22 hours after a police officer was killed on the M.I.T. campus, one of the suspects is dead and the other is hospitalized and in some sort of detention that does not involve Miranda rights. A communal breath is taken, after the closest a nation […]

Good morning afternoon! We thought maybe you would be wanting a respite from everybody yelling about how any Muslim suspected of anything should be deprived of due process and tortured, so we put together a little list for you — believe it or not, other things have happened. Indeed! They happened yesterday, while everybody was […]