Look everyone, Red State’s Erick Erickson is trying to pilfer more money from Amazon.com, with gimmicks! (ERICK HOW CAN WE DO THIS TOO?) MORE »

MASSA WAS JUST COLD SLAMMIN’ EVERYBODY: It seems there’s more to the crazy Eric Massa sexytime allegations than him drunkenly telling some dude, at a wedding, how much he wanted to bone: “Former Rep. Eric Massa (D-N.Y.) has been under investigation for allegations that he groped multiple male staffers working in his office, according to three sources familiar with the probe. The allegations surrounding the former lawmaker date back at least a year, and involve ‘a pattern of behavior and physical harassment,’ according to one source.” Where’s the problem? These staffers are all such prudes. [Washington Post]

Sleazy but “better than John Edwards” person Andrew Young, who illegally sucked John Edwards off every night before bedtime until realizing “hey I can write a tell-all and make big bucks,” is in super big-time trouble. A judge is threatening to send him and his wife Cheri — that’s his real wife; his fake wife is Rielle Hunter — to jail for lying, on the record, about how many people they showed the John Edwards Sex Tape. Was it just a few agents and one ABC News producer, in public, as they suggested? Or was it to all sorts of New York journalists on his big screen teevee, late at night, during epic masturbation parties? MORE »

Have you read all of Karl Rove’s memoir Me, Poop, Trash, & Gargoyles and presented your findings to your fellow unemployment line decorations yet, at the Water Cooler? You have?? Lucky. Well then surely you remember the part where Rove reveals how George W. Bush kept trying to get Fred Smith, the FedEx shipping company CEO, to become Secretary of Defense constantly, because he was serious about wars and terror. MORE »

RUSH LIMBAUGH TO FLEE CRUSHING BOOT OF OBAMAKKKARE: “I’ll just tell you this, if this passes and it’s five years from now and all that stuff gets implemented — I am leaving the country. I’ll go to Costa Rica.” AND EAT THEM ALL! (Don’t get too excited. By “all that stuff,” he was referring to America’s richest people no longer being able to get whatever medical treatment they want at any time. This stuff will never be implemented, unfortunately, because who wouldn’t want all rich people to die, painfully?) [Think Progress]

In Iowa, some marblemouth gal is calling up folks and telling them to ask Rick Santorum “to apologize for his long-time support of radical pro-abortion politicians!” Huh? Oh, just Christine Todd Whitman and Arlen Specter, like 10 years ago, when they were really powerful Republicans. Jesus. Iowa in 2012 will not be like Iowa in 2008. (MORE CORN THEN.) [Salon War Room]

MICHAEL GOLDFARB HAVING SEX WITH LIZ CHENEY: Disingenuous former Weekly Standard and John McCain 2008 staff robot Michael Goldfarb — now a disingenuous political consulting robot — is working for Liz Cheney now, and has this to say: “I was excited about Palin; I’m more excited about Liz. The same sort of excitement you get when you hear her father, except she’s this petite blonde with five kids … There’s just something about her… You have a little crush on her. It’s hard not to.” Does Michael Goldfarb even remember what Planet Earth looks like? [NY Mag via Andrew Sullivan]

Hey, look at this! The Department of Education “has been conducting a ‘Program Review’ of Kaplan University’s main offices in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., since September. The Post business desk seemed not to notice any of this, but Post investors might want to.” Kaplan is the college loan-shark/test prep death company that makes all of the Washington Post Company’s profits, and now Obama’s Education Department is investigating it for looting the federal government in order to make all of those profits, which are dropping anyway, so that’s kind of funny. [Barron's via Romanesko]

So much Eric Massa today, and so many claims of naked penis sightings between him, Rahm Emanuel, Glenn Beck, and a male staffer at a wedding and in the Congressional Showers. Here is a clip from some 2006 campaign movie (when Eric Massa lost, in his first run) where Rahm Emanuel — then head of the DCCC — visits the New York 29th to “inspect” this gay Navy monster. He tells Massa not to be so angry. Who ever likes being told that? Still: Rahm has such a girly voice for THE MOST EVIL MAN IN THE HISTORY OF HELL. [PolitickerNY/Observer]

America’s two weirdest fat dragons will mate in a cocoon of blood and dingleberry tomorrow at five, to talk about how the Democratic leadership is trying to smear the obviously gay internal health care opponent Eric Massa as gay after he said that massively gay thing to another male. [Washington Independent]

Here’s a terrifying new RNC ad promoting its latest offshore-Internet website, OurFreedomMatters.com. Don’t go there, unless you love chicks with dicks. (GO THERE RIGHT NOW.) MORE »

SARAH PALIN SHOULD PAY CANADA BACK, BECAUSE OF FREE MARKETS: Sarah Palin, talking to a bunch of Canadian fartsacks: “My first five years of life we spent in Skagway, Alaska, right there by Whitehorse. Believe it or not — this was in the ’60s — we used to hustle on over the border for health care that we would receive in Whitehorse. I remember my brother, he burned his ankle in some little kid accident thing and my parents had to put him on a train and rush him over to Whitehorse and I think, isn’t that kind of ironic now. Zooming over the border, getting health care from Canada.” EAT SHIT, COMMIES. [Washington Monthly]

Here is today’s hot naked story from quitting Rep. Eric Massa, who is clearly being forced out to get this health care bill through. He is a hippie who will not vote for it: “Rahm Emanuel is son of the devil’s spawn. He is an individual who would sell his mother to get a vote. He would strap his children to the front end of a steam locomotive… I am showering, naked as a jaybird, and here comes Rahm Emanuel, not even with a towel wrapped around his tush, poking his finger in my chest, yelling at me.” [Real Clear Politics, The Hill]