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NOTABLE APOLOGIES

Why Is John Shadegg Walking Back His Objectively True Statement About Terrorist Kidnappers?

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

HOW 90s!Retarded pussy John Shadegg has apologized to Michael Bloomberg for saying, on the House floor, that Bloomberg’s daughter would be kidnapped by Muslim terrorists if another terrorist is given a criminal trial in a New York City court of law: “I apologize for the insensitivity of my remarks with respect to the Mayor or his family, however…” — here we go, the ominous “however” — “…I think it is important to note that this decision involves potential risk to innocent people.” From what we hear, Michael Bloomberg’s daugher ain’t so innocent, oh ho ho… ho ho… we’ll shutup now. [NYDN]


OFFICIALLY A MEME

Joe Biden Vaguely Connected To Another Car Crash

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

One week after killing someone, Joe Biden’s bloodthirsty stampede of vehicles has struck again. An NYPD car leading his motorcade crashed into a “livery cab” on its way to a Daily Show taping this afternoon. (Joe Biden’s on the Daily Show tonight — maybe he’ll have one of his patented “gaffes”!) These people driving cars tangentially connected to the vice president, who are they? And yes, it’s been several months, so Bob Novak jokes are cool. [NYDN, photo via "fleshtone" at Gothamist]


THE KING OF INADVERTENT HUMOR

Things To Check More Often: Wolf Blitzer’s Twitter

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

Wolf himself only needed to watch the first ~90 seconds of it, by which time he’d… you know… finished. [Twitter via Atrios]


AMERICA'S GREATEST MAGAZINES

Here Is A Post About Sarah Palin And… What Now… The Newsweek Magazine

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

It’s all Palin material out there, friends, sorry. Thousands of available Caribou Barbie blog items, swirling in the RSS feeds, looking for capture. This one: is the Newsweek cover here super sexist, as Sarah Palin claims it to be? Kind of, yes! It’s odd for Newsweek to just steal the leggiest insert photo from an old issue of Runner’s World and slap it on their cover. It doesn’t really “fit.” Eh, Newsweek just wants outraged links, we suppose. Sorry.


NATION OF PUSSIES

John Shadegg Has Watched All ‘24′ Seasons 24 Times, So He Knows What’s Up

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

Insane Arizona Rep. John Shadegg has some experience with kidnapping children, so he knows what these Muzzies are thinking: “I saw the mayor of New York said today, ‘We’re tough. We can do it.’ Well, Mayor, how are you going to feel when it’s your daughter that’s kidnapped at school by a terrorist?” MORE »


OH BOY

Failed Wingnut Loser ‘Unconcedes’ NY-23 Race

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

Most clueless man aliveGlenn Beck’s wingnut bitch, Doug Hoffman, the Conservative Party’s losing candidate in the NY-23 special election several weeks ago (remember that whole thing??), is so clueless about his current station in life that he has “unconceded” defeat to Democrat Bill Owens, who was sworn into the House on November 6 — just in time for a health care vote! He was losing by 5,000 until some late ballots were counted a few days ago, which brought the margin down to about 3,000. And yeah, sure, maybe Al Gore famously unconceded to George Bush Junior in 2000, BUT LIKE AN HOUR AFTER CONCEDING, JESUS. About 10,000 absentee ballots remain, and Hoffman has like a 0.2% chance of winning. It was Glenn Beck who ordered him to unconcede, which makes sense, because Doug Hoffman is Glenn Beck’s wingnut bitch. [The Hill]


MOONIES ON ICE

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009
  • IT’S NOT OBAMA’S FAULT THAT HE WAS BORN A SAVAGE AFRICAN LION, OKAY? The Washington Times could shut down any day, so its columnists have precious little time to liquidate their massive inventories of Insane Racism! In his column today, editor emeritus Wesley Pruden writes THIS about the current Lion King, Barack Obama: “It’s no fault of the president that he has no natural instinct or blood impulse for what the America of ‘the 57 states’ is about. He was sired by a Kenyan father, born to a mother attracted to men of the Third World and reared by grandparents in Hawaii, a paradise far from the American mainstream.” See, as long as you spare Obama the blame for being a black savage, then it fits the Moonie definition of “nuance.” [Washington Times]

PARTISAN LITERARY CRITICISM

Legendary Masterworks: Matthew Continetti’s Review Of ‘Going Rogue’

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

Commenters, enjoy!Now that the Washington Post no longer practices journalism, it can eschew standard editorial practices, such as having its staff book critic review a new book, for wackier PR flourishes, like having one semi-famous Democrat and one semi-famous Republican each write very predictable reviews of an insanely polarizing Republican politician’s new book. Today, the Post’s “liberal” review of Going Rogue came from Ana Marie Cox, who “cannot claim to have completely read ‘Going Rogue,’” but still thought it sucked. It’s more than understandable. But the Weekly Standard’s priggish Matthew Continetti did read the book for his conservative review, which is brilliant beyond all measure. MORE »


TODAY IN BRILLIANT EMAIL PITCHES FROM OTHER WEBSITES

Lady On Website Wonders If Sarah Palin Is Real Or Not

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

This e-mail made us sad. “In her column, Suzy offers her two cents on Sarah’s interview with Oprah, with the key takeaway is whether Sarah is real or not.” This “Suzy” sounds like a keeper, HEHNGNN? MORE »


AMERICA'S GREATEST WEBSITE

Look, A Well Produced Internet Video Game From GOP.com

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

Have you all pored through today’s RNCRESEARCHBRIEFING? Eh, it’s pretty good; we’ll give it a 7 on the ol’ RNCRESEARCHBRIEFING Scale. So: Michael Steele invented a video game, according to the RNCRESEARCHBRIEFING: “‘The Senate version of lapdogs.GOP.com is our latest effort to hold these Democrats accountable for their actions.’ – RNC Chairman Michael Steele.” Great, let’s check it out. MORE »


TUESDAY FUN VIDEO

Pajamas TV Eats Its Own Poop

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

Don’t click the link. Don’t watch the video. Don’t listen to this shitbird. Okay maybe watch a little bit. [PJTV]