Jim Newell
Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.
Republican Tracker Successfully Comes To Near-Fisticuffs With Elizabeth Warren’s Hired Muscle
Who is this manly man protecting Elizabeth Warren? Some funny guy… who gives Elizabeth Warren problems that she probably doesn’t need right now? Watch, as this annoying Republican tracker gets exactly what he wants from the fella in the green hat: a little camera shove and some comical threats.
Early Furry & Sex Magazine Sightings in Tampa
Your Wonkette editor Rebecca is currently en route to Tampa, or dragged out to sea in the worst hurricane ever, who knows, but we’ve been getting crucial news reports from Tampa all weekend anyway. “I’ve seen two furries already and I haven’t event left the airport,” Former Wonkette and current Reason Paultard correspondent Garrett Quinn [...]
That Wacky Dinesh D’Souza Obamapocalypse Documentary: All The Rage in Cinema!
The wingers are clicking their heels this morning, as the documentary 2016: Obama’s America, based on the widely condemned works of pretend scholar troll Dinesh D’Souza, hit number 8 at the weekend box office! With total a haul of 9 million dollars, it is now the “#1 all-time biggest-grossing conservative political documentary,” which is… it’s [...]
RNC Official Furious At New Mexico Gov Disrespecting General Custer, By Meeting Indians
Today is Wonkette Manifest Destiny history day! Well, there was this General Custer once who got himself and all his men killed after killing a ton of Indians himself. New Mexico GOP lobbyist and prominent local RNC official Pat Rogers remembers this well. It sears his every moment of consciousness. And he is absolutely furious [...]
Mitt Romney Wants To Be Your New James K. Polk
Which 19th century president do Mitt Romney’s advisors want him to be? Karl Rove always hoped that George W. Bush would live up to his idol, William McKinley and… well, George W. Bush sucked, as president, however that stacks up. According to campaign manager Matt Rhoades, Romney has another one-term (but un-shot) president in mind: [...]
Ha Ha, Look At How Todd Akin’s Campaign Tries To Spin Losing By 10 Points
This morning a Rasmussen poll came out showing Missouri magical fetal dumphead, Rep. Todd Akin, trailing Sen. Claire McCaskill by 10 percentage points, 48% to 38%. Considering that any GOP Senate candidate who can spell his own name was expected to be leading McCaskill by 10 to 15 points consistently through November, this is considered [...]
Former Iraq Ambassador Ryan Crocker Arrested For DUI, Hit-And-Run
They say that astronauts become alcoholics after returning from space, because they were in space, which was better. This is perfectly analogous to the situation of former U.S. Ambassador Ryan Crocker — the man who SAVED IRAQ along with Gen. Petraeus and then… [somethinged] Afghanistan with Gen. Petraeus — who returned from seeing constant murder [...]
Mom-Hating Major Networks To Show Repeats of Dumb Shows Rather Than Ann Romney’s Speech
The Mitt Romney for President 2012 campaign had a smashing idea for night one of next week’s convention: Get Ann Romney to speak! She’s a nice gal who “humanizes Mitt Romney,” don’t you know. Have you heard? Once the world meets Ann Romney, nothing but Endless Victory will follow. And yet problems have arisen: (1) [...]
Fox News Reveals (Possible) Name of Secret SEAL War Hero Author Guy!
Fox News loves the troops, protects the troops, and will stand in the way of anyone who would hurt the troops and national security and the heartland and troop families, and such. Just last year, when New York’s gay carnival blog Gawker tried to guess the name of the CIA’s “Bin Laden Hunter,” the outlet [...]
Texas Judge Wants Tax Increase To Help Law Enforcement Fend Off Obama’s U.N. Takover
Now here’s a case, maybe the only case, for raising taxes that could appeal to Bold Conservatives, straight from Judge Tom Head of Lubbock County, Texas: If that there Obamer fella were to win reelection, God Almighty forbid, and hand over American sovereignty to the United Nations, there’d be such righteous civil unrest in the [...]
Rep. Joe Walsh Just Doesn’t Get Why Everyone Slammed Todd Akin Like That
Now that Missouri’s finest reproductive sorcerer Rep. Todd Akin is “in it,” by which we mean his Senate race, so as “to win it,” we should expect to see many on the right to start saying, oh well, maybe we were too hard on the ol’ galoot after all. It was just one sentence, right? [...]
Todd Akin’s Final Answer: He’s In It To Win It! (Also Too, 9/11)
Vaginal magic expert Rep. Todd Akin has just gone on the Mike Huckabee radio show to announce his final decision before today’s 5:00 drop-out deadline and LOL, he’s staying in. The reason is the same as yesterday: 9/11, and how the first responders wouldn’t want him to quit!…?? Hoo boy. We could see this coming, [...]
Civil Rights: Warlord Condi Rice & Some Plutocrat Finance Lady Allowed To Join Fancy Golf Club
Ahh, so now we know why lying war monster Condolleezza Rice was going around giving wingnut speeches about socialism and such-like. It wasn’t about getting on the presidential ticket — who even wants that? — it was about becoming the first female member of August National golf club, a goal that she attained today. She, [...]
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