Jim Newell

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.
I eat poop.

Remember When Eric Cantor Honored America’s Unsung Managerial Class on Labor Day?

From Eric Cantor, a reminder of Labor Days past, when hard-working entrepreneurs exploited workers as God intended.
You should be dancin' dancin' DANCIN'!

That Time House Majority Loser Eric Cantor Honored America’s Unsung Managerial Class On Labor Day

The Republican Party loves Labor Day so much that it's gone and created a whole new special double version of it, on the same day. This one, however, celebrates the historical enemy of organized labor, the Noble Small Businessman....

DNC Delegates Finally Resolve This ‘God’ Business By Going Insane

The Democratic draft platform is cruising right through to completion! You know, just going through a few little amendments via voice vote. Like this business about inserting the word "God" back into the platform and recognizing Jerusalem as the...

Romney Campaign Announces Its Perfunctory Black Outreach Thingy

Are you black, and a Republican? Congratulations! Oh, you didn't hear? You've just been named to the Romney campaign's Black Leadership Council. Your duty: to say the exact same Republican talking points as everyone else, while being black. Now...

Quitter Obama Moves Speech Inside, As If A Lil’ Lightning Ever Hurt Anybody

Hooray, thank God for sending some lightning Charlotte's way and finally convincing these Obama campaign folks to move the acceptance speech inside. This stadium business is so 2008, so blahhhh. Just give your happy rah-rah chat in the damn...

Terrified DNC Reporters Trapped Inside Filthy Butthole Murder Motels, Nation Laughs

There is a crisis, in Charlotte, that outweighs all other crises in America -- including "the gaffes" -- right now: the DNC assigned reporters to a bunch of shitty motels and they're unhappy. And how does the Democratic platform...
I eat poop.

Eric Cantor Honors America’s Unsung Managerial Class on Labor Day

The Republican party loves Labor Day so much that it's gone and created a whole new special double version of it, on the same day. This one, however, celebrates the historical enemy of organized labor, the Noble Small Businessman....

Peggy Noonan Saw a (New) Mexican (Governor)

Greeteries, subjects. It is I, thy lord Mme. HRH Miss Peggington Noonington, queene word-smither of thine Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet, and good heavens, the thingingtons that I Hath Seen in Tampa, polis of knaves and Deville Rays. Myne...

A Brief Interlude From Today’s Joe Biden Pool Report

"Approaching a table of men he knew to be Greek, the VP said, 'I’m Joe Bidenopoulos.'"

Karl Rove To Murder Todd Akin, Maybe

Yesterday Karl Rove met with a group of billionaires in a secret room in Tampa, where he suggested that murdering Todd Akin might be an appropriate means of delivering his party to higher, more Senate-controlling vistas. It's about time...

Your Wednesday Tampa Liveblogging Details!

Jesse Taylor will liveblog speeches sometime around 9:00 tonight! See you then!

Romney Campaign Throws Fancy Party on Cayman Island Yacht

"Romney Party Yacht Flies Cayman Islands Flag," reads the headline! Now that your idiot Wonkette blogger has wasted the last 90 minutes trying to determine with other Twitter people if it's a Cayman or Bermuda flag -- it's a...

A Look Back At The Long Political Career of Ben Quayle

Dan Quayle's weird kid, Congressman Ben, has had a long, fruitful tour through the halls of American power. He made his name writing pornography about all the bitchez he slammed in Scottsdale, for a blog. He made a comical...

Liveblogging Tampa Tuesday: Ann Romney, Governor Sandwiches, And Other Heroes

Some good news on this, the first real night of the Republican National Convention: The Baltimore Orioles are beating the Chicago White Sox 6-0 in the bottom of the 8th inning, (hopefully) allowing them to maintain the wild card...

Your Wonkette Tuesday Liveblogging & Tampa Party Details

Two Things: Your Wonkette communist overlord Rebecca Schoenkopf will be hosting a Wonkette Party tonight in Tampa, at "six or seven," which is basically right now. Go to this place: MacDinton’s, 405 South Howard Avenue Tampa, Florida 33606 (813)251-8999 2) Your Wonkette blogger Jim Newell...

Big Gubmint’s So-Called ‘Probation’ Keeps James O’Keefe Out of Tampa

What has the mean old federal government done to rising indie filmmaker James O'Keefe now? They won't even let him go to Tampa for a speaking gig. Today he was scheduled to speak and take questions at a luncheon...