Author Archives: Merle McMonocole

  i'm so excited and i just can't hide it

Why Does Ghost Andrew Breitbart Keep Stealing From The Pointer Sisters?

Remember that 1990s teevee show called The X Files, where that one good-looking cable soft-core star solved mysteries with that teensy skeptical ginger who always happened to look the other way when the crazy stuff happened, just like a pro-wrestling ref? And remember that man who smoked all the cigarettes and had all the big secrets and totally had the power to kill that cable soft-core star but never did because in his death that cable soft-core star would only become MORE POWERFUL and a MARTYR? That cable soft-core star is exactly like Ghost Andrew Breitbart, who is also like Ghost Obi Wan Kenobi in that he always shows up in the minds of heroic young conservatives to tell them to turn off their targeting computers (“facts,” “science”) and just fire straight ahead hoping to score a one-in-a-million shot with their eyes closed (“BENGHAZI!”). But even Ghost Andrew Breitbart sometimes does wrong. There’s a new documentary out, made by conservatives, that is supposed to just be about how good he was at the things he was good at: yelling, sweating, pretending videos that showed one thing actually showed something different. But the only writer left at what used to be The Village Voice noticed something funny about the movie. (The Village Voice writer wrote in fussy second-person, pretending that *you* are Andrew Breitbart, because YOU WISH): Read more on Why Does Ghost Andrew Breitbart Keep Stealing From The Pointer Sisters?…
  also it is terrible

A Close Read Of Mitt Romney’s Favorite Terrible Toby Keith Song, Which Is Terrible And Is By Toby Keith

Every country music song today is about a) how America is the strongest, bestest country ever pulled from Baby Jesus’ egg sac and b) how America is doomed for some reason, probably because of the socialist medical programs that keep alive the country’s kabillion Wal-Mart employees — the store where a third of all country albums are purchased. Since that contradictory mix of jingoism/irrational terror is the Republican platform, it’s no surprise that Nashville hits are played at Republican rallies, even those of likable everyman Mitt Romney, who in real life probably listens to the King Family Singers or the feathery rustle of Scrooge McDuck swimming through C-notes. Read more on A Close Read Of Mitt Romney’s Favorite Terrible Toby Keith Song, Which Is Terrible And Is By Toby Keith…