Wonkette

You know why John Edwards is lagging behind in the polls? It’s not because he hasn’t held political office in several years, or that he’s running on a pseudo-populist and somewhat depressing message as an incredibly rich man when all anyone wants to hear these days is about Change(TM), or that he was never running particularly high in the national polls as soon as it was clear that Hillary and Obama were gonna run. Nope! John Edwards is doing poorly because the press doesn’t pay him enough attention. If he could just get his picture taken more and if they would just stop harping already on the fact that he’s polling behind Obama and Clinton, he would obviously be doing better. Aww, honey, we’ll pay you some attention! Does this feel better? [CNN]

Campaigning in South Carolina today, Mittens made an effort to distinguish his obviously beyond-reproach campaign by trying to point out to reporters that McCain’s got lobbyists, those bloodsuckers of the American political establishment, on the payroll. His little presser got sidetracked, though, when a reporter pointed out that one of his prominent (unpaid) advisers, Ron Kaufman, works for the prominent lobbying firm Dutko Worldwide. They then fuss and fight and, at the end, some batty old lady tells Mittens that he’s ugly. I just think someone probably needs a nap. [CBS, Politico]

Vietnam Veterans Against McCain is this group distributing fliers in South Carolina about how John McCain is a traitor and screwed over other soldiers in Vietnam while being held and tortured by the North Vietnamese. It’s run by Gerard W. Kiley who also hated John Kerry in 2004 because, apparently, Mr. Kiley is the only heroic Vietnam veteran ever. It’s members include… Gerard W. Kiley of Garnerville, New York. So, it’s really more like A Vietnam Veteran Against McCain, backed by a bunch of money from other people who really don’t like McCain but didn’t realize that one pissed off old guy in Rockland County, New York does not a good movement make and that occasionally reporters fact-check. [NY Times]

There’s really only one reason, but perhaps it bears repeating: it didn’t work as intended because it was scripted (and badly). Her delivery is flat, her laugh lines aren’t self-deprecating and it sounds like the sort of partisan in-joke that only the really committed would find funny (and only then because it’s repeating something they all think is “true”). MORE »

A federal judge declined to issue an injunction against the Nevada Democratic Party’s plan to allow casino workers to caucus near their places of employment rather than their homes. Judge James Mahan said the party could set up its caucuses however it saw fit and would only have been interested if the proposals had discriminated against a protected class (sex, ethnicity, religion or disability). The only class of people the rules appear not to favor are those who want to see Hillary win even at the cost of making it difficult/impossible for others to vote. [Reuters]

Fred, I’m your friend. I thought you made the most awesomely random DA ever in Law & Order and friends of mine that worked for you said you were a hell of a boss. But, Fred, honey, don’t let them put that much make-up on you in an advertisement again. I don’t know whether it’s the lighting or what but, holy hell, if you had on slightly darker lipstick and a wig, you’d be Rudi. Also, you seriously either need to stop trying to emote by moving your head or see a doctor because, friend, you worry me (and not just because you’re 100% pro-life, because friends can disagree). Why don’t you and Jeri head home, take care of those kids and enjoy the L&O residuals, my friend?

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke testified in front of the House Budget Committee today and gave, like, clear, concise and helpful answers to the committee. It made me feel all funny inside. He said that a stimulus package should probably be between $50 and $150 billion; that it shouldn’t extend Bush’s expiring tax cuts; and that “putting money into the hands of households and firms that would spend it in the near term” — individual tax rebates and “bonus depreciation” which is some complex way of saying “tax cuts for businesses for buying stuff” — would be desirable. That’s the major part of the Democrats’ plan (and not the one backed by conservative House Republicans) but he also wants them not to throw a bunch of stuff in there to muck it all up, which is probably the part they just haven’t officially released yet. [Raw Story]

We at Wonkette would like to apologize to you, our readers. We have not had nearly enough coverage of ugly, male politicians and their twisted sexual peccadilloes lately but, between Chris Hansen and Larry Craig, it seemed like they were all keeping their, um, heads down. Luckily for you, the holidays can make a man really lonely for some underage tail, and thus the fuzz nabbed Collins, Missouri mayor* Allen Kauffman. Hey, whaddaya want? At least he’s a Republican.

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Hah hah, you pinkie Commie Metro-riding scum! Thought you’d sneak something past the Bush Administration, did you? Well, they’re smarter than that! Just because the Metro extension to Dulles airport has been in the works for a couple of decades and everyone thinks it’s a good idea and the state of Virginia actually managed to pony up the dough doesn’t mean that this Administration in its waning days won’t find a bunch of reasons to stop it! MORE »

According to news reports, Jenna Bush and Henry Hager are going to make it official on May 10th at the famous Crawford brush ranch. For those with a really keen eye for detail, that’s a couple days after he takes his finals at Darden and eight days before he officially graduates. Guess we know who’s not helping with the wedding planning! [People]