12) That time Michele Bachmann compared herself to a serial killer. 11) Stress-eating at the mere sight of Chuck Todd’s facial hair. 10) Donald Trump’s very good relationship with “the blacks.” 9) Jon Huntsman speaking Mandarin. 8) “The Original, Famous Ron Paul Survival Kit.” 7) Tim Pawlenty. (He was so benign!)

NEW YORK—We left you on Friday with some rather unsettling developments in the coming War Against the Machines, and we’re afraid to report there’s more bad news on that front today: the US military apparently left behind some drones during its “withdrawal” from Iraq last December—and the Iraqi people are not happy about this! (something […]

NEW YORK—Hey look! It’s that time of year again, and the semi-annual release of some or another study claiming that conservatives are stupid has finally landed on liberal doorsteps across America. Perfect timing, really! Since, you know, the one thing the country needs right now more than just about anything else is yet another excuse […]

NEW YORK—So here is a thing that happened: Newt Gingrich said four preposterous things yesterday in the span of a single sentence. Let’s parse it! “By the end of my second term, we will have the first permanent base on the moon and it will be American.” Ok, first: a moon base! Which, right, is […]

NEW YORK—Hello! Are you all gathered inside a quiet room? Yes? Good, because now we can all finally discuss the subject of Mitt Romney’s tax returns. Which are amazing!! And sure, yes, we admit we’re only fascinated with them because of our “envy” and “class warfare” and whatever else, but still: this is important to […]

NEW YORK—It really is a sick, masochistic thing we do, waking up every morning and watching “Morning Jo(k)e.” The only way we endure is to make a game of it: how long will we make it today before Joe Scarborough reminds us he was a three-term congressman? (Jan. 23: ~two-and-a-half minutes.) But in any event! […]

NEW YORK—It’s a rare thing in the business of 24-hour political pontificating, but every so often the relentless onslaught of inane prattle issuing forth from somewhere in the vicinity of that horrifically manicured hair growth attached to Chuck Todd’s face actually manages to congeal into something sensible. Moments like this are quite rare! And so […]

NEW YORK—So here’s a thing. One time, when we were in the seventh grade, our science teacher offered up an extra credit assignment: write down for him on notebook paper all the numbers between one and one million, and in exchange he would award a report card at the end of the year with straight […]

As we all surely know by now, the internet is basically turning off today. Or parts of it at least: the #SOPAblackout protest is actually a pretty good bellwether of which sites are genuinely on board with the cause (Wikipedia), which sites are aware they could potentially cause the entire global economy to crash if […]

NEW YORK—Well there was an awards ceremony last night! And we spotted former Connecticut senator and Motion Picture Association of America chairman Chris Dodd in the audience, who was looking in especially high spirits—at least considering that his beloved SOPA is dead, or sort of dead, or temporarily “put on a shelf” or whatever it […]

NEW YORK—You guys, YOU GUYS, set your DVRs now because seriously YOU CAN’T SCRIPT THIS STUFF: Area fat man and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie filmed an interview with Oprah yesterday, set to air Sunday at 9PM on Oprah’s eopnymous Network, in which the pair discussed all manner of topical issues ranging from Barack Obama’s […]

NEW YORK—Good morning! How’s everyone feeling today? We’re not feeling so hot ourselves, grasping for our coffee and ibuprofen after so much festive celebration yesterday of the ten year anniversary of that terrible thing we did (and continue to do!) in Guantanamo Bay. How did you all ring in the last decade of shadow justice? […]

NEW YORK—It’s Republican primary day in New Hampshire, and the nine registered voters of the tiny northern hamlet of Dixville Notch—who in their quadrennial tradition head to the polls just moments after midnight on election days so as to ensure the morning news shows have at least a few meaningless tea leaves to read off […]

NEW YORK—You know, some of us who thought the Iraq War was a dumb idea might still be just a little bit bitter about having been accused time and again of being unpatriotic America-haters by war proponents on the Republican side of the aisle (ok, sure: more than a little bitter). And despite the fact […]

NEW YORK—Boy what a feeling it is to wake up and read every newspaper and blog post and tweet in the English speaking world and discover that apparently the only thing newsworthy that happened anywhere in the world yesterday could pretty effectively be summed up by the headline “Santorum Said Something Stupid.” And then to […]