MINNESOTA NICE TIME  6:15 pm May 3, 2013

Super-Rich Republicans Have Become Totally Selfless And Enlightened About The Whole Gay Marriage Deal

by Major Major Major Major

If you’re as old as we are, and have had as much exposure to Reg’lar ‘Murica as we have, you are probably still a bit dizzied at the pace at which the majority of Americans went from “Ew! Gheys!” to “Ah, ain’t that a cute lesbian couple!” We close our eyes, breathe deeply and meditate [...]

WONKSPLAINER  9:45 am April 16, 2013

Why You Probably Should Not Worry About North Korea On Top Of Everything Else Right Now

by Major Major Major Major

So, Wonkiddoes, have we all forgotten about Kim Jong Un today? After #Boston, he seems kind of old hat, but some of you may be wondering if he’s going to blow us all all to kingdom come on Tuesday, the second day of celebration for his Granddictators’s birthday. The good news is, probably not! Despite [...]

DAMAGES  2:00 pm April 7, 2013

Hero Judge Teabags Birther To Tune Of $177 Large

by Major Major Major Major

Brooklyn judge Arthur Schack pulled out his punking thesaurus the other day to slap down birther Christopher Earl Strunk’s latest frivolous lawsuit (of around 20), which claims that your Barry Soetoro is not eligible to run for preznet. In a written order, Schack went all Gabe Kotter on Strunk, saying that his 2011 suit was [...]

SPITTLE FLYIN'  3:10 pm April 4, 2013

Anchor Baby Michelle Malkin So Mad About Immigrants For A Change

by Major Major Major Major

Anchor baby Michelle Malkin is flabbercensed, y’all, about the Associated Press changing its stylebook to avoid namecalling immigrants who don’t have all their paperwork in one sock put the final nail in the Lamestream Media’s coffin. Not only has the AP decided to stop calling these terrorvaders “illegal immigrants” (because, so mean!), but they’ve also [...]

WE FEW WE HAPPY FEW  4:30 pm September 8, 2012

Prince Harry To Unsheath His Mighty Sword

by Major Major Major Major

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! His Royal Highness Prince Henry Charles Albert David of Wales, better known as Prince Harry Hardcock, has decided to lead his kingdom’s Christian knights in battle against the heathen Pathan. Harry, last seen cavorting with nymphs and maidens in the fabled pleasure domes of Las Vegas, has taken vows as a [...]

WATER IS LIFE  12:05 pm August 28, 2012

DC Statehood Push Now Officially Terrorist Organization

by Major Major Major Major

EXCLUSIVE, MUST CREDIT WONKETTE (and the Associated Press). Wonkette has learned of a plot by proponents of DC statehood to achieve their goal through the use of poison against members of Congress and the newly inaugurated president next January. A domestic terrorist group calling itself “DC Water” announced the plan through channels commonly used by [...]

THE AMERICAN WAY  5:05 pm July 14, 2012

Greedy Lawyers Victimize Hard-Working Bankers

by Major Major Major Major

This week, grasping racist trial lawyers (aka Obama’s base) massacred our nation’s most important job creators, predatory bankers. Gubmint lawyers (conflict of interest, much?) announced a $175 million settlement to be paid by the Wells Fargo Stagecoach & Freight Haulage Co. to a bunch of ungrateful blahs and Messicans who were granted the great privilege [...]

TODAY IN DEATH ROBOTS  2:20 pm July 12, 2012

Underwater German Deathbots To Keep Sweet, Sweet Crude A-Bubblin’

by Major Major Major Major

The realpolitik wunderkinds in charge of Iran have been threatening for awhile now to respond to a Western boycott on their oil by cutting off access to ALL the oil, but now the loose-lipped traitors at Nobama’s Pentagon have let it slip that the U.S. Navy is globally forcing some good into what they call [...]


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