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Whaddayamean, an F?

Yeehaw! Texas Colleges Open To Pistol Packin’, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Thank heavens, the Texas Lege has finally done something about the defenseless students on Texas college campuses! A law allowing concealed handgun carry on campuses went into effect today to allow students and faculty to defend themselves from Comanchero...
This fucking guy

World’s Great Memory Haver Donald Trump Not Sure If He Ever Met Vladimir Putin, Yeah, That’s The Ticket!

Republican nominee Donald Trump had the best weekend, y'all, simply yuuge. Not satisfied with merely smearing the grieving mother of a fallen American hero, Trump used a Sunday network show to flash his foreign policy chops and cement his reputation...
awww

Hey, Gray Lady, Whatcha Thinkin’ About? ‘Oh, You Know, Clinton Stuff.’

The New York Times added another couple of items to its impressive Crapping on the Clintons archive.
Celing Putin is watching you masturbate

Russian Hackers Now Using Wikileaks As Sock Puppet. Thanks, Obama!

Happy Back To The Rat Race Day, Wonketariat! Are you looking forward to the coronation of the Khaleesi this week in Philadelphia, where the Democratic National Convention is expected to be a stark contrast to the shit cyclone that tore...
Carpe abyssium

Gaze Long Into The Trump Foreign Policy And It Gazes Back Into You: A Wonksplainer!

Reading Donald Trump's Wednesday interview with the New York Times, we were struck by the thought that he actually hates America. Holds it in contempt, at least, and thinks it's a pathetic thing that might be just salvageable by the super-genius...
This friggin' guy

President Of Earth Donald J. Trump To America’s NATO Allies: Drop Dead

Donald Trump has some new ideas about the U.S. commitment to the NATO alliance. They are ridiculous, frightening thoughts.
Clean coal

Republicans’ Awesome Plan For The Economy Basically ‘Hillary Emails’ And Coal

Hey, unemployed takers, were you encouraged by the Make America Work Again plan revealed at the Republican National Convention last night? Turns out that all we really need is a pick, shovel and some gumption, and we'll all be...
It's like the Shining

Corruption Scandal Rocks Obama Cabinet, And You Won’t Believe What Hillary Said About It

Smooth Latin lover Julián Castro, the secretary of Housing and Urban Development and potential Hillary Clinton running mate, is in BIG TROUBLE for allegedly violating the rules against partisan campaigning by federal officials. Castro praised Clinton and criticized Donald Trump...
Too sexy for my shirt

Gun Humping A-OK In Cleveland, But No Umbrellas, You Could Put Someone’s Eye Out

Ohio governor and constitutional scholar John Kasich has rejected a police union's request to ban open gun carry in Cleveland in the midst of Republican National Convention protests, because what's the worst that could happen? Besides, his hands are...
The candy is my penis

Huzzah! Finally, A Nice Sleazeball Sex Scandal To Lighten Things Up, Whew!

Gosh, it seems like FOREVER since yr Wonkette has gotten to DC-gossip about some legislator getting his ween where it don't belong, so thanks, Tennessee! The Volunteer State served up a doozy of a point-and-laugh experience late last week, when...
Go nuts

Here Are Your Missing 28 Pages Of The 9/11 Report, Truthers, You’re Welcome To Them

Are you a person who can do the critical thinking? Do you prefer evidence to supposition when forming conclusions? Well, then, congratulations to you, smarty-pants, YOU do not have to read the 28 pages held back from the 9/11...
Don't coup me, bro

What The F*ck Is Going On In Turkey? A Wonksplainer!

The F*ck-Tussle in Turkey: No matter how it turned out, it was going to be Obama's fault.
Wipers of other people's bottoms!

Philippines Wins World Court Case Over South China Sea Islands, China Responds, ‘Sez Who?’

So, what are the Foreigns up to this morning, aside from getting exercise outside by catching all the Pokémons? Oh, just defying international court decisions like a common George W. Bush, OK, fine, wait, what? Turns out that earlier today...
You call that an Iron Lady? THIS is an Iron Lady.

On Scale Of One To Margaret Thatcher, How Mean Is England’s New Lady Prime Minister?

Another reboot from the '80s happened this week, as Great Britain's ruling Conservative Party leadership fight appears to have been won by a lady! That is expected to make Theresa May, the current home secretary, Britain's first female prime minister since...
Go see it, it's good!

U.S., Russia Engage In Cold War Cosplay, Tears For Fears Reunion Next

Unlike many fanbois of a certain age, we are not opposed to Hollywood show biz remaking stuff we liked from back when we had a narrow waist and somewhat more/better hair. Lady Ghostbusters, sure! An actual transsexual Dr. Frank-N-Furter, why not? But certain...