So, everybody was all Happy and Nice Timey about the New York Police Department ditching its “Demographics Unit,” a.k.a. Muslim surveillance unit, right? All it did was anger New York and New Jersey’s Muslim communities and screw with civil liberties, whilst producing exactly bupkis in terms of counter-terrorist intelligence, so everyone said, “Good riddance,” no? […]

Professional Eddie Munster imitator Wisconsin Republican Rep. Paul Ryan had to be feeling pretty pleased with himself yesterday, raining all over B. Barry Bamz’s football-spikin’ party with a new 10-year budget proposal. Ryan’s lil’ April Fool’s Day prank would slash domestic spending by nearly 30 percent by 2024 (BIFF!), bump up Pentagon spending WAY over […]

Guten Morgen, meine Wonkadamen und Wonkaherren! Feeling cheerful about your sportsball brackets so far? Or even more cheerful because you do not follow sportsball? Well, we are here to stop that good feeling, and make you so broody that you crush out your vape pen into your half-finished, tepid mochaccino, because we are srs blog. […]

Remember that mean teacher in Louisiana who told one of her kids he was “stupid” for being a Buddhist? And remember how his parents sued and the ACLU was all, “Hey, mean lady, you can’t go around saying stuff like that in the public schools,” and her parish school superintendent was all, “Yeah, huh, she […]

Hiya, Wonketeers! Do you know what Vladimir Putin’s annexation of the Crimea means for the New Russian Century? We do not, we are a peen-joke blog, so we rely on experts to expertlain it to us. Whaddaya got, Maureen Dowd? Obama wears mom jeans, blah, blah Hillary 2016? No, too 2008. How about you, William […]

Another day, another nail in the coffin of the Worst Presidency Ever. Trustworthy snake oil salesman ”investment” guru Wayne Allyn Root has pulled out his figurin’ stick and dropped math all over Barack Obama (sp?) and his record-low poll numbers. You probably thought NBC saying Obama had only a 41 percent approval rating was an indication […]

There are few more depressing experiences than hearing a friend rationalize the violent behavior of an abusive boyfriend. (Yes, we know girlfriends can be physically abusive too, sometimes, like 10 percent of the time, but we are not talking about that now so shut up and let us tell our story. Geez!) “I just make […]

Oh my God, you guys, get ready to pack up your sex toys and hobo beans and flee to the Mexican refugee camps, because Real America™ has had ENOUGH with this Marxo-Islamunist bull hockey in Washington, and is coming for your SOULLSSSS. Girt in the armor of righteousness, but not carrying the AR-15 of the […]

Remember that Michigan lady with leukemia, Julie Boonstra, who couldn’t afford her Obamacare insurance because it cost $500 less per month than her old plan that Obama personally death paneled? The one in the Americans for Plutocracy Prosperity ad? The one that Harry Reid spit on when she returned home from Vietnam? Well, you probably […]

Today, students, I would like you to begin work on an essay titled, “Why Is The United States Not Engaged In A Great Civil War?” You will need to cite the following examples of disparate U.S. American cultural values, and explain why these have not led to flaming barricades of death a la Kiev, Ukraine: […]

George Zimmerman Fan Club President Frank Taaffe, HLN’s go-to source for commentary on the joys of killing black children armed self defense against thugs, sometimes is accused of racism. As open- and fair-minded lieburals, we are careful about throwing that sort of terminology around, because the TRUE danger to American society, the REAL racism, is…hang […]

Hello, lover. Have you sometimes felt outcast for your love? Do others not understand you, do they think your love is somehow “wrong” or “immoral”? Has your state or city passed laws restricting your love, or banning its open expression? Yes? Well, come to Georgia, baby. We know how you feel, and we’re open and […]

Big news from Utah, science fans! A brave and wise idiot retired science teacher and current legislator wants to put the brakes on any plans the state might have to cap industrial emissions of carbon dioxide or other “natural” gases (HA! Fart joke!). Rep. Jerry Anderson (R-Idiocracy) says the problem isn’t too MUCH carbon in […]

Hey, Wonkenheimers, remember after the Newtown school massacre, when the great American gun-fondling community told you to all shut up about gun control, because “too soon,” and “anyway, this is just a mental health problem”? And remember when B. Barry Bamz (D-Gungrabberistan) tried to re-implement some weentsy, window-dressing, gun-control measures like magazine-size restrictions, and was […]

Tragedy befell Detroit (again!) with the New Year, as Italian car-joke maker Fiat announced it was buying the 41 percent of Chrysler stock that it doesn’t already own. Fiat was invited by the Obama administration to buy a stake in Chrysler in the tragic summer of 2009, when Chrysler and GM went through government-assisted bankruptcy […]