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Pathetic Loser Donald Trump Will Do The Classiest GOP Wheeling And Dealing (Updated)

According to frothy wingnut internet rag Newsmax, the desperate and comically flailing Romney campaign is about to “unleash” bellicose cartoon human Donald Trump to help Mitt Romney win the vote of angry white men who make less than $35,000...

Love Letter from Federal Prisons Director To Unabomber Et Al.: ‘I Want You to Succeed’

The 200,000-plus inmates of the US Federal prison system had a wonderful surprise one day in July –– they received a special letter! Charles E. Samuels Jr., director of the Federal Bureau of Prisons, wrote an inspirational memo to...

Veep Hopeful Rob Portman Just Like Mel Gibson But Not So Psycho, Maybe

Mitt Romney is rumored to be close to selecting a running mate, and there's a testosterone-laden badass on the short hairs list. Ohio Senator Rob Portman told the Associated Press that after flipping his kayak in Chile earlier this...

Around The World With Lloyd Dangle: Austerity’s A Bitch And Then You Die

(Pittsburgh) A few days ago I was in Rome, now I'm in Pittsburgh. My serotonin level is in freefall. No, Pittsburgh's nice, really! The frutti di mare is good here. It's the jet lag and the hemorrhoidal bonfire in...

Around The World With Lloyd Dangle: Tea Party Lessons For The Whores Of Rome

(Rome) I just finished a perfectly-prepared sardine antipasti, caprese salad, and a plate of grilled calamari. The wine was a Pinot Grigio from the area. Nice. It's hot as hell here, but a breeze is blowing off Palatine Hill,...

Around The World With Lloyd Dangle: On The Trail Of Mitt’s Money

(Zurich) The train to DeGaulle Airport was so hot that the wine I drank the night before poured out of me like water from the Fontaine Saint-Michel. My shirt was soaked and my deodorant was failing, and soon I...

Around The World With Lloyd Dangle: How The European Debt Crisis Is Like Grease Through A Goose

(Paris) Ah, the enchantment –– the boulevards, the catacombs, the long lines of tourists, the little dogs and the charming messes they leave on the pavement. I'm here in The City of Light wearing my red-white-and-blue monster truck cap...

Around The World With Lloyd Dangle At The End Of The World

Things may suck here in the United States, but they're wayyyy screwed in Europe. Chancellors, Presidents, Prime Ministers, Kings and Dukes have been convening summits weekly trying to figure out what to do about the hemorrhaging debt crisis. The...