Lisa Wines

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Writer, teacher, traveler. Arizona girl living in Paris.

Arab Media Chokes On ‘His Penis’

As France's new president, François Hollande (in his little suit), is busy making German Chancellor Angela Merkel believe in stimulation, he's also been filling up his 34-person cabinet with women (17!), non-Parisians (18!), people under 40 (7!), and fierce...

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer Owns Your Vag But Penises Must Run Free

Thank Jeebus that growing (medicinal) pot is legal in Arizona. Because if you have half a brain, you pretty much have to be stoned 24/7 in order to live there. Now, if you happen to be a woman with...

Greek Neo-Nazis Win 21 Seats, Charm Nation With Reminder It Is ‘Time To Fear’

While America's been focusing this week on incredibly important issues like Rush Limbaugh's induction into the Missouri Hall of Flame, Obama's no-shi moment, how Obama's gayness will be the end of him and how undercover bathhouse boy will save...

Fox News Worries About Extinction (Its Own)

As Rupert Murdoch’s News International (UK subsidiary of American company News Corp) saga continues in Blimeyland, Americans may not give two faggots about it. But there’s an eentsy beentsy spider of a chance that if Murdoch’s media ship sinks,...

Oh No France Is Socialist Again

Last night at 8pm not-your-time, two hours after the Belgian and Swiss media had already published election results and 30 minutes after Nicolas Sarkozy deleted his Facebook page, the French media announced that socialist François Hollande (great NYT bio)...

Losing French Person Sarkozy Red-Faced And Flailing In Debate With Commie Marxist Kenyan Socialist

Here's l'update for those of you who are bedazzled by the French presidential election. The two candidates had their only debate on Wednesday night. We have written many, many words about it below, but if you prefer, you can...

Susan G. Komen Staffers Dropping Like Flies

Leslie Aun, Susan G. Komen’s national vice president of communications, quit yesterday so that she can spend more time with someone else's children, in her new role as VP of communications for Venture Philanthropy Partners. We would like to...

Journalism Job! Have You Applied Yet At Al-Qaeda’s Mag?

We all have our favorite news and information sources, so why should we be surprised when followers of al-Qaeda have one too? Meet Inspire, the slick, glossy mag created by American citizen (and former cheerleader) Samir Khan and featured columnist...

Susan G. Komen and The Dictator’s Daughter Had A Lovely Cure For The Race

We were all waiting with bated breath to see how things went for Susan G. Komen and their best bud Gulnara Karimova, the Dictator's daughter and the Terror of Tashkent, in the May 1 Race for the Cure in...

Nicolas Sarkozy In Bedouin With Gaddafi

With only seven days to go until the final round of voting in France's presidential election, some lefty terrorist media organization published documentary evidence that Nicolas Sarkozy was promised 50 Million freedom fries in campaign contributions from snappy dresser...

Pasties Take A Licking From UK Parliament

The Land of Newz is all aflutter this morning about the UK's plunge into a double-dip recession that is the worst since 1975. What is the esteemed Members of Parliament's solution, in line with their super successful austerity plan?...

French Resistance Encodes Election Results On Twitter: The Dwarf Has Pawned His Rolex

In the land of perpetual ennui, where humor is not a cultural norm, the French had their first round of presidential elections yesterday, and also their second revolution. This time, they didn't have to show up at the Bastille...

Wal-Mart de Mexico Flips a Peso: Bribes or Baggers? Bribes Win

The New York Times gave the Justice Department more work to do yesterday (the JD is already up to its ears in News Corp bribes to UK cops n’ Russian billboards) when they published a bunker-busting exposé about Wal-Mart...

Susan G. Komen Parboils The Truth With Dictator’s Daughter Denials

The Susan G. Komen Foundation tried desperately to distance itself yesterday from the slight to-do that erupted after they partnered with Gulnara Karimova, the Dictator’s Daughter. How’d that go? Pfhhht. Komen wrote on its blog and told Registan’s Nathan...

The Life And Loves Of Susan G. Komen’s Newest Bosom Buddy, Gulnara Karimova

In case you were worried that we were a bit harsh with our love letter to Susan G. Komen Foundation's newest bosom buddy and budding dictatoresse Gulnara Karimov -- the 'most hated woman in Uzbekistan'! -- we decided to...

Susan G. Komen Foundation In Hot Sexy Hook-Up With Dictator’s Daughter

The Susan G. Komen Foundation has been so busy trying to abort their corporate image and stem the (menstrual) flow of their profits, they may have forgotten to do the proper amount of VETTENING of their spanking new breast-saving...