Lisa Wines

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Writer, teacher, traveler. Arizona girl living in Paris.

Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto Wants Mexico To Get Fracked

There's nothing spicier than our favorite allegedly gay, allegedly wife-murdering and allegedly elected Mexican president, Señior Enrique Peña Nieto. How has he fared in the first year of his stolen office? FABulously! drools Michael Barone, senior political prestidigitator at The...

Steven Seagal Will Not Be Your Hero Lawman Sheriff Governor, Arizona

Shhh. I’m speaking from deep down inside my underground Arizona bunker where I’m hiding in case Steven Seagal makes good on his threat to run for governor or drive female chain-gang banger Shurf Joe Arpaio’s tank into my front...

Gulnara Karimova, Dictator’s Daughter, Getting Dicked Around By Daddy

Gulnara Karimova, favorite daughter of boil-'em-alive Uzbekistan dictator Islam Karimov, is an interesting girl chock-full of ambition, beauty, and grace! She's a: pretend fashion designer of child-slave-labor-cotton clothing; pretend partner of Swiss jewelry company Chopard; failed pop star of songs that gay...

The Time Phyllis Schlafly Incited A Riot

Phyllis Schlafly Was There to Kick Ass And Chew Bubblegum, And Phyllis Schlafly Was All Out of Bubblegum It was spring of ’66 in Washington DC and the smell of Napalm was in Phyllis Schlafly’s hair. She’d just been...

Gay Men Goo-Goosh All Over Dictator’s Daughter, Unaware They’d Be Imprisoned in Her Country

Our dear old friend Gulnara Karimova and her daddy-o, Uzbekistan's dictator Islam Karimov, are up to their usual mafiosi behavior, like torturing poets who mock them. But the much-hated (by her own people) multi-careerist continues trying desperately to gain...

Romney Supporters And Syria’s Assad Have Thing In Common: Nails Girls

While the uneducated, common people in America are completely unaware of "how the systems work," they are now SO relieved to have Romney supporter woman-in-Range-Rover telling them what's what. "Nails Girls" across our freedom nation listen with bated breath,...

Jordanian Politician Forgets To Bring Human Shields To TV Debate

This weekend, on live TV, Jordanian MP Mohammed Shawabka was debating former MP and political activist Mansur Murad. Name calling ensued. First, Shawabka called Murad a Syrian spy. Which is kind of true. Murad openly supports Syria and is...

Gay? Murderer? The Telenovela Life of Mexican President-Elect Enrique Peña Nieto

The more we learn about Mexican president-elect Enrique Peña Nieto, the scarier things get. Behind the Pompadour and circumstance, there lurks a dark and nasty side to the pretty-boy president-to-be. First off, he's a slut. Big deal. So was Bill...

Grocery Shoppers Outraged Their Mexican Election Voting Bribes Were So Puny

In our second segment in the series Everything We Always Wanted To Know About Mexico But Now That We Know Can We Unknow It?, we bring you the latest fashions in election vote-fixing, brought to you by president-elect Enrique...

Mexico Elects Sarah Palin President

Assumed Mexican president-elect Enrique Peña Nieto is a snappy dresser. He's 45 years old with a handsome baby face. He has a molded Pompadour. He poses for the cameras "like Brad Pitt and DiCaprio." He's been compared to John...

Youth Rise Up Against Big-Haired Mexican Presidential Candidate, Make Him Hide In Bathroom

This weekend was presidential election weekend in Mexico, which basically means there was no alcohol available... anywhere. So, Mexicans across the land, in preparation for the long, dry weekend, were seen exiting grocery stores on Friday, sombreros atilt, leading...

Fox News Mixing Up All Its Scary Muslims

Egypt democratically elected her first president yesterday, Mohamed Morsi, a former member of the Muslim Brotherhood's Guidance Office and president of their Freedom and Justice Party. We say former because as soon as his election was announced, as he...

Governor Asks Shooters Pretty Please Self-Regulate While Utah Burns Because Of Shooters

OK cowboys and cowgirls, gather 'round the semi-automatic campfire for a heartwarming story of the destruction of land, homes and wildlife in the great American state of Utah. Here's the story in a nutshell: Utah's "Dump Fire" (so named...

Dictator’s Daughter Gulnara Karimova Buying Her Pop-Ularity

Wonkette's favorite dictator's daughter, Uzbekistan's Gulnara Karimova, has been laying low since the embarrassment of her failed New York fashion launch and the online kerfuffle about her relationship with Susan G. Komen's Race for the Cure. It looks like...

The Jon Stewart Of Egypt Has His Very Own Glenn Beck

If it wasn't for Jon Stewart making them all laugh through the pain, libruhls would have slapped their own faces to death a long time ago. But now, the same comic relief is available to Egyptians, who are in...

Former French President Nicolas Sarkozy: Hurry Up And Wait For Jail

America let George W. Bush return to his quiet, private life so his undocumented workers he could clean up dust bunnies in his suburban McMansion even though he tortured us all (some of us, literally) for eight years playing...