Lauri Apple
Lauri works at the Chicago Reader, and also writes and makes art-pictures for Wonkette. Her creative projects—including a now-defunct blog about finding clothing in the trash and wearing it, and an exhibition of portraits of all 50 Chicago aldermen made by 50 different artists—have been featured by NBC's Today Show, the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, BUST Magazine, and other media outlets. She's written things for the Austin Chronicle, Texas Observer, In Pittsburgh Weekly, The Black Table, and other places, and taken photos for various nonprofits, bands, and publications. (She also has a law degree, for some reason.)
Meet the Values Voter Choice for President, Mike Pence (Who?)
The Value Voters Summiteers held a presidential straw poll as part of their weekend activities, and the gold medalist in both the presidential and vice-presidential categories was Indiana Congressman Mike Pence. People were surprised! And not just because the contender pool included Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, and other famous wingnut celebrities, but because who in [...]
Sarah Palin Is Persecuted Jesus Plus Esther Plus Obama-Jesus
The Weekly Standard pamphlet for common-sense Americans has obtained an EXCLUSIVE advanced copy of the paperback version of The Persecution of Sarah Palin by Matthew Continetti, who also just happens to be their personal property. The book, which tells the story of how the media wants Palin to cry all the time, has been endorsed [...]
Why Won’t Sarah Palin Give This Guy His $600 Back?
Our consumer affairs desk brings you the sad, sad story of Donald Cranfill — a man with a name full of pathos, which is his mama’s fault, and a wallet full of empty, which is his Mama Grizzly’s fault. A truck driver, Cranfill bought a $600 ticket to see the actress Sarah Palin perform her [...]
Tea Party Guy Needs to Calm Down
LIBTARD MEDIA PEOPLE WHAZZZZUP!!!! This very enthusiastic salmon-colored shirt man is “John Villarreal,” a GOP activist/consultant/ready-to-explode kinda type and talk show host for Modesto, California’s KFIV AM. He talks like he is maybe/partly responsible somehow (?) for the sensational primary wins of Sharron Angle, Christine O’Donnell, and other Tea Party luminary-victors. Is he?
Glenn Beck Doesn’t Care If His Fans Die
American honor-restorer Glenn Beck is so mad about obesity right now, because it costs taxpayers billions of dollars and that is wrong. On his teevee show, he complained about “those fat people that sit on their couch” — you know, the ones whose skin actually “grows into their couch,” until the fire department has to [...]
Obama Slave-Float Makers Just Want America to Be ‘Accountable’
Some Yakima, Washington-area anti-taxers have stirred up a little controversy for a unique parade float they made in honor of Nachos Naches Sportsman’s Days, one of Real America’s favorite holidays. The float featured a person wearing a Barack Obama mask whipping another fellow dressed up as a “future tax payer” and pulling a wagon full [...]
Where Will Christine O’Donnell Get Her Campaign Money Now?
While GOP U.S. Senate candidate/“Just say NO”-nanist RealChristine O’Donnell was celebrating her primary victory with the Tea Party & Friends, unnamed Republican aides (probably all boys) told Fox News that the Republican National Senatorial Committee won’t be helping her to raise money for her general election campaign. They don’t think she stands a chance against [...]
Make Michele Bachmann’s Friend ‘Jim’ Say Lies About You
Calling themselves the “Friends of Tarryl Clark,” some friends of Tarryl Clark — Michele Bachmann election opponent, tax-lover, and all-around socialist — have created an Internet game that mocks Bachmann and her campaign-ad friend Jim in a cruel and unjust manner. These so-called “Friends” accuse Jim of making “misleading and false accusations”! All he ever [...]
Michele Bachmann Never Gets to Do Anything Fun/Illegal
OMG you guys: Minnesota patriot-princess Michele Bachmann might be in trubs thanks to her campaign-commercial boyfriend, “Jim the Election Rentboy.” The Minnesota Democratic-Farmer-Labor Party alleges that Bachmann has violated federal election law by letting Jim (real name: Beau Peregino) condescend for the camera just a bit too long in her latest ad. How could such [...]
Newt Gingrich’s Wingnut Pal Explains ‘Abortonomics’
While preaching to a crowd of hipster-lads, pastor and part-time Johnny Cash impersonator Jim Garlow explains why nobody in America can find a job. It’s because everyone has been aborted, so there’s no one left to buy any new stuff.
Midterm In Style With Sexy New Teabagger Jewelry
Fashionable American daughters of the revolution, do you covet accessories that will please God and the Invisible Hand? Are your crucifix pendants and American flag pins not enough? Then maybe you should pick up a pair of these beautiful, sterling-silver tea bag dingle-dangle earrings and a matching pin, Made in the USA by the metallurgists [...]
Here’s the Stupid 9/12 Video!
If you want to get a feel for what the 9/12 rallies in Washington, Sacramento, and St. Louis were like, just take your laptop to the nearest Old Country Buffet, flip it open next to the meat bar, and watch this video that the Tea Party Patriots made especially for the trifecta-occasion.
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