Ken Layne
A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.
Making Thanksgiving ‘Monkey Bread’ With Nancy Reagan
Enjoy this Wonkette Holiday Classic recipe all over again, as though The Gipper was still wandering around somewhere: Whatever the hell “monkey bread” might be — something racist, we assume — it was the thing our favorite first lady Nancy Reagan was known to “cook,” at Thanksgiving or whatever. For America, and for Ronnie! Delight [...]
K-Lo Posts Her Dream Recipe: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers
Important National Review Online pundit Kathryn Jean Lopez only really gets excited twice a year: When she makes up another excuse to get people to send her a bunch of porn, and when Thanksgiving comes around so she can post a Real American recipe involving ten smashed-up anus burgers stuck up the body cavity of [...]
Now We Shall Repost Ken Layne’s Repost Of Juli Weiner’s Writeup Of Betty Ford’s Boozy Chocolate Cake
Who can forget this classic Thanksgiving liquor cake recipe from First Lady Betty Ford? Our dearly departed Juli Weiner wrote this up several Thanksgivings ago, and we still reprint it every year, even though now she makes Harry Potter slash fiction photo-comics for Vanity Fair: Here is one for the “chocoholics,” starring Betty Ford! It’s [...]
Put Some Food On Your Family With Aunt Wonkette’s Real Cranberry Business
The following is our annual repost of Ken Layne’s Real Cranberry Business, because when we bought this bitch we bought the archives too. One hundred and seventy two years from now, “Ken Layne” will be retelling his cranberry business recipe … from the grave!
Will You ‘Quit Money’ On U.S. Tax Day, Like ‘The Man Who Quit Money’?
American Tax Day is an unhappy time for most people, as we realize how little money we made during the previous year, or how much we’re paying in taxes, or how those good tax credits don’t apply for one reason or another, or how awful it is that we live in a country where the [...]
Your Wonkette Has a New Wonkette Publisher/Editor, For Freedom!
Good morning from your Wonkette editor since, oh, 2006. It has been an exciting (terrible?) six years, hasn’t it? There was old what’s his name, and Iraq, and the Great Recession, and then the sexy president with his singing and dancing all the time. And now your longtime editor will finally stop disappearing for months [...]
Wonkette Art Contest: Win Bill Maher Tickets With Your Terrible Computer Picture
Do you have “Microsoft Paint” on your iPhone? Then you can be a prize-winning published artist! (Maybe.) Wonkette and 9:30 Club/IMP Promotions invite you to take part in our exciting “Make an image of Bill Maher wrestling the Pope” ticket giveaway. One lucky winner will get two (2) tickets to see teevee’s Bill Maher at [...]
Santorumemtum! Weird Rick Wins Missouri, Minnesota & Colorado!
Uhh, wasn’t this supposed to be wrapped up by now? No. Not when all your candidates are so terrible. Rick Santorum is back in the race, in other words. He won Missouri! That’s … let’s see, 55% for Santorum, which is DOUBLE Mitt Romney’s second place finish. Meanwhile, in the “near the Mormons” state of [...]
Romney Actually Did Worse In 2012 Nevada Caucus Than He Did In 2008
Here’s some more awkward humor from the robot comedy that is Mitt Romney’s 2012 ascent to the GOP nomination: Mittens actually did worse on Saturday in the Nevada GOP caucus than he did back in 2008. This time around, “Inevitable Willard” got 50.1%, or a little less than his winning total back in the 2008 [...]
Romney Wins Super Bowl of Nevada GOP 2012 Politics, Again
There was another caucus, apparently! The reason nobody noticed is because it was in Nevada, which is actually home to lots of Republican-voting Mormons. (Take out the corporate prostitution resort of Las Vegas in the southern corner of the state, and Nevada is just a sparsely populated length of mountains and desert right next to [...]
Everybody Please Prepare To Have Jim Newell Back At Wonkette, Next Week
HOORAY! That is what your semi-managing editor has to say about this important news, from your beloved past-and-future Wonkette typing monster of Capitol Hill, Jim Newell: An Important Announcement Regarding Your Gawker Political Desk: Goodbye Tuesday greetings from the Gawker Political Desk! We have some news: This will be the last post for its main [...]
Canada (Two Teenagers + Lego Man) Takes Over American Space Program
Things have not been going so well for America’s space program. We had a sad when we read about how the Obama Administration basically told Barack he could not have any exciting or inspirational “moon shot” programs, because everything had to go to Wall Street (heh heh). So not only did “moon shot”-style inspirational programs [...]
Rand Paul Robot Caught By Brave TSA Body Scanner
Top honors will be given to a brave TSA Body Scanner machine at the Nashville airport for apprehending a sinister Dalek robot-monster that was impersonating Senator Rand Paul. The cylon version of Rand Paul triggered the radioactive Body Scanner because of some miniscule fabrication error in the android’s knee joints — the scanner apparently had [...]
Newtmania! Gingrich Wins South Carolina, Will Lose 80%-20% To Obama
That was faster than dumping an ex-wife in the cancer ward! Whining jewelry piglet and serial divorcing sac of ethics violations Newt Gingrich has just been projected as the Big Wiener of the South Carolina confederate primary. Should we live blog this historic moment, which comes exactly 15 years after the last historic moment for [...]
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