Kirsten Boyd Johnson
Chuck Grassley’s Weary Cell Phone Turns Against Him (VIDEO)
Famous Senate coot Chuck Grassley has now forgotten how to operate his beleaguered cell phone beyond any function other than to beam nonsense to the Twitters. HOW DOES THE SILENCE BUTTON WORK, CONSARNIT? Let this be a warning to you, children. [Buzzfeed]
GOP Congressman Calls China Government a Bunch of Hitlers
Whose turn is it to play Adolf Hitler today in the forever binary saga of the Republicans versus secret zombie Adolf Hitler come back from the dead disguised as (insert ridiculous noun here) to devour hysterical conservatives? This kitten? Mitt Romney’s spell-checker? Or maybe some elementary school teachers? For the answer, let’s either re-read the [...]
Boring Old Louisiana GOP Convention Livened By Rioting Paultards
Hello and welcome to the latest episode of Extreme Delegate Apportionment brought to you by America’s disgruntled old Paultard contingent. These political bloodsport fanatics spent the weekend screaming and flinging themselves about at the Louisiana GOP’s state convention after party leaders sought to thwart the Paultards’ hostile convention takeover and RNC delegate pilfering scheme. (This [...]
Oklahoma Congressional Candidate Vows War on Texas if Elected
What are politicians promising prospective constituents in campaign ads these days, “fiscal responsibility” or some such perhaps? LAME, and also a terrible lie. Fuck that. Oklahoma Democratic candidate for Congress Rob Wallace promises not to let Texas steal any of Oklahoma’s shit, that’s what. Time somebody did that. Here, he’ll shoot at a water jug [...]
We Can Now Identify History’s Dumbest Political Campaign Spokesman
Here he is, it is this guy pictured at left. This is Jay Townsend, campaign spokesman for GOP Rep. Nan Hayworth, the communications genius who managed to join a seemingly innocuous Facebook comment thread about falling gas prices on the “NY19 U.S. House of Representatives Civil Discussion Center” page and somehow abuse enough inhalants at [...]
Michele Bachmann Is Eternally Hilarious, Airplane Reading Edition
Well doesn’t this just appear to be a promising comedy setup? Let’s just end the tension right now and tell you in advance, it is. But you knew this: It is a universal law of Reason that because Michele Bachmann does not believe in it, even seemingly mundane activities like Michele Bachmann sitting on an [...]
Don’t Worry, Thrashing Lunatic on Illinois House Floor Just Some Legislator
Dance party on the Illinois House floor! Here we have what appears to be state Rep. Mike Bost busting a hot move while his anxious-looking colleague in the white shirt …claps along to keep time? What fun! Someone sure is having a tough time waiting for summer vacation to start! Oh, just kidding. Politics is [...]
House Republicans Locate Lone Instance When Equal Rights Apply
House Republicans have at long last identified a segment of a woman’s existence when they feel she deserves federal protection against discrimination: the six or so weeks between when the sex of a fetus can be determined and when it reaches the fetal viability mark past which abortion is limited in most states. Sorry, lady [...]
AZ Teabagger Candidate Running on Traditional Platform of Hypocrisy
Arizona GOP congressional candidate Jesse Kelly has passed the official Republican officeholder’s personality test by demonstrating that the thing he most loves to talk about hating in public is also the very same thing he most loves to cuddle up with in private: stimulus dollars. (You probably thought for a minute there that we were [...]
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