Kirsten Boyd Johnson
May 24, 2012
New Jersey Mayor Arrested for Trying to Make Internet Quit Saying Mean Things About Him
What comical attempts at cliché villainy do we have out of New Jersey’s ranks of local crony politicians today? Here’s one: the FBI has hauled off West New York’s Democratic mayor Felix Roque and his son on charges of hacking into a website associated with a movement to recall the mayor and then calling up [...]
May 24, 2012
Spain Takes Break From Economic Woes to Laugh at Rick Scott
Perennial top contender for America’s most fervently incompetent governor Rick Scott is working hard for the title even on a trade mission to Spain: He managed to earn immediate ridicule from the country’s 47 million residents within actual seconds of meeting the King of Spain. He’s efficient! King Juan Carlos has lately been in hot [...]
May 23, 2012
Film School: Your Exciting New Path to Obtaining Government Secrets
Right around the time in 2011 that Robert Gates was ordering everyone who knew anything about the operations of the strike that offed Osama bin Laden to shut the hell up in the name of Secrecy, a newly-released document obtained through a FOIA request shows that top Pentagon and CIA officials were holding hot gossip [...]
America’s most vocal light bulb sex toy fetishist Rep. Steve King had a hot little pile of mouth poop to share with his constituents regarding his personal vision for doling out U.S. work visas to immigrants, by comparing these humans to dogs: “You want a good bird dog? You want one that’s going to be [...]
May 22, 2012
Wingnuts Confused Over How To Be Angry About New DC Comics Gay Superhero
Some horrified wingnuts have been distressed over the announcement that DC Comics will “turn” one of its major legacy superheroes gay in June, and weirdly those wingnuts don’t include vile hate lizard Bryan Fischer. After all, at last someone is recognizing what Bryan Fischer’s many arduous years relentlessly studying gay men taught him long ago: [...]
National Free Lunch expert Sarah Palin has apparently accepted an exciting spot as some food industry lecturer at this year’s “International Dairy Deli Bakery Association Seminar and Expo,” sure. Complimentary donuts. But according to the hot speaker lineup spotted by Wonkette baked-goods operative “Banana_bread,” Sarah Palin lost out for the top-billed spot to alleged racist [...]
May 21, 2012
Report: Congress Using Smaller Words to Yell at Each Other This Year
Here is an important Monday newsflash to cruelly ruin any budding sense of optimism you may have had about the week: Congress is talking more dumber, new study proves it. The somewhat ironic-sounding “Sunlight Foundation” fished through the daily mosh pits of word battle waged in Congress from 2005 to the present and found that [...]
Mitt Romney’s erstwhile lecture tour of Doomed America — last seen some months back when he gave us a guided car trip past the dilapidated homes of Detroit poors followed by a quick scold for Lazy America outside a shuttered factory in Pennsylvania — is now back with a third stop where he has ridiculed [...]
May 16, 2012
Dumb AZ Politician Easily Falls For FBI’s Free Baseball Ticket Trap
It is time for another Arizona politics bedtime story! Undercover FBI agents running a fake real estate company bought former Tempe City Councilman and current state Representative Ben Arredondo a few thousand dollars’ worth of tickets to baseball and football games. He loved this gesture so very much that in return, “Arredondo brokered meetings between [...]
May 16, 2012
Men’s Rights Group Happily Endorses Crappy House GOP Version of VAWA
The GOP-sponsored House version of the Violence Against Women Act reauthorization has finally gotten the endorsement of the constituency it needed to bring out the richness of its full nut flavor: paranoid men’s rights activists. The National Coalition for Men, whose website features the delightful Microsoft Office-based editorial artwork pictured above, wrote a letter in [...]
May 15, 2012
Empress of Outer Space Orly Taitz Has New Senate Campaign Ad (VIDEO)
Yes, friends, your beloved election girlfriend and California GOP candidate for U.S. Senate Orly Taitz has finally found the time don a suit of medieval armor, sit down with a tank of nitrous oxide pilfered from the dental office supply closet along with one hundred cigarettes and then take alternating puffs on each until she [...]
May 15, 2012
Rep. McKeon: Due Process Should Be Treat for Good Little Humans Only
Now look here, whiners. The tearful consternation over the United States executive branch’s special new indefinite detention superpowers over any human Earthling including its own citizens that it can pin down long enough to slap a “TERRORIST” sticker on his forehead and haul him away at its very own special Pope-caliber hyper-infallible discretion — it’s [...]
May 14, 2012
Ron Paul Plots New Democracy-Lite Path To Convention Glory
American democracy’s most persistent old fart Ron Paul has announced that he no longer cares for democracy per se in the traditional sense of trying to “win votes” from “voters,” because this is a hard thing to do, when your platform is mostly insane. “We will no longer spend resources campaigning in primaries in states [...]
