Okay, so, birth control. It’s this, like, medication-type thing, right? Like Advil for your aches and pains. Or aspirin so you don’t stroke out or have a heart attack. Or Flintstones vitamins so you grow up big and strong enough to turn a dinosaur into a car. Or Viagra so when you and your bros […]

Don’t you just hate feminism? Of course you do. Feminism is so old-timey and unnecessary and also very mean to men because when women say stuff — like “That sportsball star raped the shit out of me” or “Hey, Mr. Boss Man Sir, why are you paying me less than my male colleagues, HUH?” — […]

Ugh, Rick Perry, you really are THE WORST. Texas Gov. Rick Perry plans to announce he will activate the Texas National Guard at a news conference Monday in Austin, said state Sen. Juan “Chuy” Hinojosa, D-McAllen. Hinojosa did not have details of the effort, but an internal memo from another state official’s office said the […]

Okay, so it’s Saturday and it must be drinking o’clock hour somewhere, and instead of getting ready to party SOOOO hard and gulp artisanal craftsman cocktails that cost eleventy billion dollars, you are sitting home alone looking at the internets like some kind of person who sits at home alone on a Saturday night looking […]

Let’s play a game. It is sort of a choose-your-own-adventure make-believe game. Costumes optional. You are about to graduate from Thing-Doing School and apply for a job as a professional Thing-Doer, as one does after attending Thing-Doing School. You inform your potential employer that you are interested in the Thing-Doing job but will be unable […]

Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas is not a smart man. Oh, I know, I know. There’s a conservative fairy tale that Cruz is REALLY smart (Democrats, beware!) because he went to Princeton and Harvard Law School and was super good at debating, and Harvard Professor Alan Dershowitz called him “off-the-charts brilliant.” But given his complete […]

Oh. Mah. GAWD. The evangelical Christian family that owns Hobby Lobby, the chain of craft stores, made history two weeks ago when the Supreme Court overturned the Obama administration’s mandate that family-owned companies must provide contraceptive coverage to their employees. Now, the family is looking to build a permanent presence on the Washington landscape, by […]

You know why we can’t have nice things? Today, the reason is Megyn Kelly, the beloved hard-hitting journamalist of Fox “News,” who for some reason my brain cannot comprehend is golden-showered with praise every time she opens her mouth and says something that is remotely accurate. Today, however, is not one of those days. Today, […]

Now that the Supreme Court has decided it is constitutionally okey-dokey to refuse to comply with federal law so long as you SINCERELY do not like that law, guess what is happening. It is amazing. You may want to sit down for this because it will completely blow your mind because of how no one […]

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Republicans have a new plan to woo the lady voters, and it’s new! And a plan! And unlike all the other new plans they’ve been trying, this one is totally going to work. (Spoiler: It is not going to work.) As Democrats fired up the “war on […]

Hi. I am a Jew. Are you? Great. Then you probably already understand what I have to say, but you’ll at least want to stick around for the dirty joke.* And if you’re not, you can stick around for the dirty joke too. So. Let’s get a few facts out of the way first. American […]

Ugh, Todd Akin, right? You remember Todd Akin, of course. He was a Republican representative from Missouri who just might have become a senator from Missouri if he had not made the catastrophic mistake, as Republicans are wont to do, of opening his mouth and saying words. And you remember those words because we all […]

I’m probably not supposed to say this. I should be a Good Democrat and a Good Feminist and take the latest symbolic crumbs Senate Democrats are offering and say, “Thank you, sir.” (They are mostly sir, of course, which is part of ALL the problems, but let’s not even get into that right now.) In […]

Dear my new gynecologist who is THE BEST, I never thought this could happen to me. I never thought I’d be one of those women who so enjoyed her strip-and-spread-’em annual exam that I’d actually feel sad about waiting a whole year to see you again. I’ve been hurt before, you see. My last gynecologist […]

You know what is a terrific way to waste millions of dollars? Teaching kids that the only thing they need to know about sex is to just not do that. If you’re looking to invest money in something proven to be utterly ineffective, and in fact harmful, abstinence-only education is the thing for you. We […]