Author Archives: Kaili Joy Gray

  Profiles in Courage

Donald Trump Takes Bold Stand Against Hitler

Take THAT, Adolf! Would ya check out the big beautiful balls on this guy? No wonder Republicans love Donald Trump for being willing to make with the tough talk that all those other “gutless” candidates are too afraid of: Read more on Donald Trump Takes Bold Stand Against Hitler…
  This should help

Carly Fiorina Did Great Job At Hewlett-Packard, Says Guy Who Fired Her

She can almost picture being a success Carly Fiorina is still, good GAWD y’all, promising to run on her record of very nearly destroying Hewlett-Packard “all day long.” (We keep telling her this is a bad idea, but she doesn’t listen to us. Maybe that’s why she’s losing!) Read more on Carly Fiorina Did Great Job At Hewlett-Packard, Says Guy Who Fired Her…
  If you could just not

Rand Paul Suggests Black Lives Matter Focus On Other Lives Instead

Who understands race better than these guys? Noted race expert Rand Paul chatted with fellow race expert Sean Hannity the other night, and the senator from Kentucky had some terrific advice for Black Lives Matter, for which its leaders will no doubt be sending him an Edible Arrangement to express their gratitude. Sure, the movement has recently released its own platform, called “Campaign Zero,” detailing 10 policy solutions, none of which are “cut taxes” or “more dads and better morals.” So clearly, they’re in need of Rand’s expertise. Tell ’em how they can best achieve their goals of combating police violence in their communities, Senator: Read more on Rand Paul Suggests Black Lives Matter Focus On Other Lives Instead…
  #RIPpatriarchy

Uh Oh, We Almost Forgot To Thank The Menfolk For All This Awesome Equality

If it keeps the terrorists from winning, it's still civic-minded.
You know how we girls are Aw, nut sack. What with doing our job all day, we almost forgot to take a moment to freshen up, slip into something pretty, fix you fellas a nice cocktail, and thank you OH SO MUCH for letting us vote. You know us girls! If it’s not about shopping and babies, it just flies right out of our silly little girl brains. It’s amazing we make it through the day at all! Read more on Uh Oh, We Almost Forgot To Thank The Menfolk For All This Awesome Equality…
  journalism

How We Will Not Be Talking About The Murder Of Two Virginia Reporters

Their loved ones ask that they be remembered alive and smiling.
Their loved ones ask that they be remembered alive and smiling. This is what we will tell you about the two young TV journalists for Virginia station WDBJ who were shot to death on Wednesday, on air. Reporter Alison Parker had just turned 24, and had celebrated her birthday with her colleague and boyfriend, Chris Hurst. Cameraman Adam Ward, 27, was engaged to the station’s morning producer, Melissa Ott. Read more on How We Will Not Be Talking About The Murder Of Two Virginia Reporters…
  No YOUR Mom

Bristol Palin Says Obama’s The REAL Lazy Half-Term Gov. Quitterface Grifter Queen

He can’t even Bristol Palin’s ghostblogger has a real important question, you guys: Remember when my mom put a jet on eBay to save Alaska much-needed money? Well, yes, we remember how she listed it on eBay, and also how nobody bought it on eBay, but go on: Read more on Bristol Palin Says Obama’s The REAL Lazy Half-Term Gov. Quitterface Grifter Queen…
  Christ what an asshole

Dumb Jackhole Sen. Tom Cotton Still Thinks He’s President Of Obama

“Derp” Is Iran still a thing? Apparently, yes. And you know what else is still a thing? Newbie Arkansas Sen. Tom Cotton (R-Teabagsville) getting himself all confused about who is the boss of Us-of-A America, and who is a newbie senator who doesn’t know nothin’ ’bout nothin’ and should shut his dumb face hole before he gets pwned (wait, is pwned still a thing?) on Twitter again by Iran’s foreign minister. Read more on Dumb Jackhole Sen. Tom Cotton Still Thinks He’s President Of Obama…
  It's on his hat

Republicans Plotting To Take Away Your Freedom To Make America Great Again

It’s not just a hat — it’s a plan! Everyone knows the Demoncrat Party is the party of Latino vote frauding and election rigging — usually with mind control. So here’s a neat twist! This time, it’s Republicans who want to rig the next election in a certain way, and that way is to keep the name DONALD J. TRUMP off their primary ballots: Read more on Republicans Plotting To Take Away Your Freedom To Make America Great Again…
  Mad About A Thing

Jeb Bush Doesn’t Know Dick About Women’s Healthcare

Oh really? So this happened: Don’t believe it? See for yourselves: Perhaps Jeb Bush, who proudly slashed Florida’s funding of women’s healthcare when he was the state’s governor and redirected it to crisis pregnancy centers, which do not provide healthcare services, would like to clarify precisely what he means by “women’s health issues.” Read more on Jeb Bush Doesn’t Know Dick About Women’s Healthcare…
  Oooh snap!

Donald Trump Finds New Creative Way To Pick On Poor Stupid Jeb Bush

The true face of feminism.
Clearly not a fence We are having ourselves a glorious time watching Donald Trump beat the ever-lovin’ guano out of “low energy” weak-ass whimpering coward man-child Jeb Bush, are we not? It’s enough to make you almost feel sorry for poor Jeb, who has proven that he is so jaw-dropping terrible at running for president, we have collectively agreed that drooling idiot Big Brother Dubya, who sometimes forgets to chew his food before he swallows it, is the smart one after all. Read more on Donald Trump Finds New Creative Way To Pick On Poor Stupid Jeb Bush…
  Throwing up all over ourselves now

Bill Cosby Knows Media Only Calls Him A Rapist Because He’s Black, Also A Rapist

Our thoughts exactly
He’s tired of racists telling him to pull his pants up It has come to this. After 50 women — that’s right, five-ohhhhh — have accused Bill Cosby of sexual assault and rape, Team Cosby has decided it is time for a whole new approach to defending The Cos in the court of public opinion: Read more on Bill Cosby Knows Media Only Calls Him A Rapist Because He’s Black, Also A Rapist…
  Dope and change

We Are All Junkie Heroin Dope Fiend Smackheads Now, Thanks Obama

America, apparently Resting rage face Gov. Chris Christie — who is not going to be president; hell, he’ll be lucky if he makes the cut for the next debate — has a new ad. And yes, it is mildly amusing in its near-but-not-quite completeness of the Oogly Boogly Checklist Of Oogly Boogly Words That Make Republicans Wet Themselves: Read more on We Are All Junkie Heroin Dope Fiend Smackheads Now, Thanks Obama…
  Me too!

Chris Christie: I Too Can Be A Dick To Jimmy Carter

America needs him.
Will this help? Keeping his campaign promise “to start offending people” — and trying to prove that he is the rightful heir to the title of Biggest A-Hole Republican Candidate, for the party’s voters desperately seeking the very biggest A-hole they can find — Gov. Chris Christie decided this weekend that he wasn’t going to allow primary rival Ted Cruz to make off with the Dick o’ the Week Award without a fight: Read more on Chris Christie: I Too Can Be A Dick To Jimmy Carter…
  Cool position bro

Scott Walker Not Too Scared To Say All Muslims Are Bad

He’s just not very good at this Gov. Scott “Look at my big Reaganesque balls” Walker has been having a hell of a time trying to figure out where he fits on the Republican spectrum of hating brown American citizens. In the span of a week, he was against birthright citizenship, guaranteed in the 14th Amendment. Then he was “not taking a position,” and now he’s come around again, and he is definitely opposed to changing the Constitution, at least until lunchtime tomorrow, at which point, who even knows? Read more on Scott Walker Not Too Scared To Say All Muslims Are Bad…
  Make America Great Again Before It's Too Late

Donald Trump Gives YOOOGE Boner To Stupid Racist Americans

You know you want it Donald Trump held a rally in Alabama on Friday, a real classy event, the biggest one yet, with tens of thousands of people in attendance, all of them terrific — even the one dude at the rally who shouted “White power!” Because if there’s one place in U.S. America where you should be able to proudly express yourself, even if your self is a white supremacist dickbag in Mobile, Alabama, it’s definitely at a campaign event for the presidential candidate who claims in every speech, “It turned out I was right” to accuse Mexico of importing rapists and murderers to America, all the time, every day, because someone is doing the raping, and, Trump has insisted, it’s not him. Read more on Donald Trump Gives YOOOGE Boner To Stupid Racist Americans…