Kaia Mursi
Don’t be surprised to see a statement next week from six-term Utah Senator Orrin Hatch that he is leaving office “to spend more time with [his] undersea Holocaust-victim baptizing chamber.” DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE, as Orrin’s favorite old-timey band used to say!!! Hatch is likely to be effectively drummed out of office in the state’s [...]
Before being a “job creator” was even a thing, Joe the Plumber bravely and famously confronted then-Senator Barack Obama to carp about problems from his made-up financial future as one of these as-yet unheard of “job creators.” Now this same angrily prescient heartland shaman is only months away from unfettered bitch session access to his [...]
Ann Romney seems like a harmless enough nice lady but maybe, like Mitt, she should stay at least 500 feet away from the word “wealthy,” for the rest of the year. [YouTube]
What an adventure did a random National Review Editorial Associate get himself into! Gather ’round, ye hobos, and hear his tale of daring… subterfuge… and rubber procurement! (Drop acid now.) It all began when a dazed but persistent carrier pigeon alighted upon the curlicued fountain pen of our Editorial Associate, to finally vomit forth the [...]
Richie Rich over here just cannot stop reminding everyone that he’s a special and obscenely wealthy snowflake. Mitt won’t be watching the Daytona 500, if it ever happens, ’cause he’s not a huge racing fan but HAHAHA some of his best friends do own racing teams, he quickly jostles to add for some damn reason. [...]
Dave Albo is a Republican in the Virginia House of Delegates whose wife decided against sexing him — in flagrante delicto, apparently! — once she heard, on the teevee news accompanying their intercourse, about the creepy transvaginal ultrasound bill Dave’s party was pushing last week. Thanks to Wonkette commenter “UnholyMoses,” we can all enjoy Albo’s [...]
Oh, look, jocular bigot Pat Buchanan is using the 16 hours a day he used to spend shouting about the white man’s burden on MSNBC to call in to Washington Journal, a group therapy program televised by C-SPAN. Taking the break-up a bit hard, aren’t you, Pat? Hahah– Wait, what? He’s actually an invited guest? [...]
Virginia’s vaginas escaped state-sanctioned ‘unwanted penetration,’ temporarily at least, with a proposed transvaginal ultrasound bill thoroughly collapsing under the weight of public ridicule. And now the bill that would have granted any grouping of two or more cells “all the rights, privileges, and immunities” of (most) actual PEOPLE has been tabled until 2013, delivering a [...]
Reddit user “oldbean” asks the question that would have already been running through all of our heads, if we weren’t such godless scum: Will Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich have ash on their foreheads in tonight’s [CNN] debate? HUH. Good question! Here are the predictions your Wonkette overlords made in the super double-secret plus cubed [...]
In case you were concerned about Chris Christie and his social life, post-gay marriage veto, he’s gonna be just fine. [Think Progress]
Do you remember the surreal “Susan B. Anthony and Frederick Douglass Prenatal Nondiscrimination Act of 2011,” the bill written in high-pitched banshee shrieks and designed to stem a fictional tide of sex- and race-based abortions? Remember how no one in real life — NO ONE — could figure out how the hell, exactly, this law [...]
Everyone hates the four big Republican presidential candidates! This is a Historical Fact, which, who knows, may already have made it into recently printed first-grade primers. BUT did you know that the degree to which a given voting individual intrinsically hates each GOP monster is mathemagically related to how long that individual has already had [...]
