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Kaia Mursi

84 POSTS 32 COMMENTS

Your Wonkette Concedes Nothing, Never: Part 2 Of A Drunk And Getting Drunker Liveblog

After at least seven voter "outreaches" apiece from all 37 FEC-registered presidential campaigns, your humble Wonkette team is ready to keep spreading the Good News, right up til the networks drag the last formaldehyde-reeking pundit out of storage. (Laura...

A Children’s Treasury Of Verbatim Last-Minute FOX NEWS Theatre

INTRO: THE WHO, "WON'T GET FOOLED AGAIN" CHYRON: GOP ELECTION OFFICIALS BLOCKED FROM ENTERING POLLING SITES IN PA, JUDGE REINSTATES THEM MURAL OF PRES OBAMA ON WALL AT PHILADELPHIA POLLING SITE GETS COVERED AFTER COMPLAINTS VOTERFRAUD@FOXNEWS.COM VOTER FRAUD MONITORS ON HIGH...

Ann Romney Still Horrible

Ann Romney, who campaign officials claim is the kinder, warmer, more approachable half of the nation's premier battery-powered couple, recently revealed to Good Housekeeping magazine that the issue "closest to her heart" is "bringing real change to our educational...

GOP Convention’s ‘We Built It!’ Theme Night To Be Held In Arena That Government Built

In addition to summoning forth dread hurricanes to (probably) destroy any Florida seniors accidentally left standing in the wake of Paul Ryan's spending cuts, this year's GOP convention will bring to Tampa (and viewers whose remote controls are just...
Not valid as legal tender for free stuff.

Mitt Romney vs. Most Black People

BIG NEWS ALERT FROM JOURNALISM, GUYS! Reports are coming in Fast and Furious that Mitt Romney, over the course of a mere 24 hours, kind of just single-handedly torched to cinders any and all of the minor gains Republicans...

Nation Opens Hearts, Wallets To Console Mitt Romney On SCOTUS Upholding His Health Plan

The summary un-upholding of Obamacare was the conservative wet dream. So what happens to a rage boner deferred, exactly? Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? Or does it log on to mittromney.com for the sweet...

Mitt Romney Is Sorry If He Hurt You When He Went Too Far

Mitt Romney is willing to put up with a lot of crap to get his hands on the presidency he (believes he) so richly deserves. The unfiltered contempt of his fellow conservatives, for example! The indignity of being colonoscopied...

Mitt Romney: Legislation Is For Letting Me Hide My Tax Returns, Not For Giving You Health Care

Casually loathed industrialist Mitt Romney and his wife Ann, a stay-at-home mother of five middle-aged men, recently allowed the soothing but cunning Diane Sawyer unfettered access to the Romney home, raw and uncut, so that Mitt could remind the...

Allen West Will Fake-Execute You If You Question His Devotion To Ryan Budget

Oh, good heavens, what has powerful nutball Allen West gotten himself into today? Something insane? Something creepy, perhaps? ALL OF THEM. Representative West, an actual elected official with hands on the levers of government, loves fellow representative Paul Ryan's...

Congratulations, Everyone: America Now A Country That Requires ‘UN Monitoring’ To Function

Contrary to what weekend marathons of "Lockup: RAW!" would have you believe, prison is not just a hep and happenin' place to meet the future same-sex lover you will eventually abandon once your bid is up. It is, in...

Go Party With RNC Chairman Reince Priebus WEDNESDAY! (UPDATED)

UPDATE: This event is actually on WEDNESDAY, people familiar with the Gregorian calendar inform us. SO, uh, there's still time! If the funeral you were planning to attend tonight Wednesday has been unexpectedly postponed, won't you join RNC Chairman Reince...

Virginia Selling Off Naming Rights To Roads, Bridges For Pennies On The Dollar

Virginia's General Assembly would like to stake out a claim to fame that maybe DOESN'T involve the terms "transvaginal ultrasound" or "state-sanctioned clinical rape," for once this year. So now the esteemed legislators of the Commonwealth have decided that...

Watch Mitt Romney ‘Rapping’ While Obama Sings The Chorus (VIDEO)

A tenacious soul has set all of Mitt Romney's campaign-destroying proclamations to the tune of an old Proletariat chantey. Enjoy!

Fox News Not Really Interested In Reporting On Shooting Deaths Of Unarmed Black Teenagers

Fox News can generally be relied upon for a steady stream of artlessly jingoistic vomit, spewing forth from helmet-headed hairspray sacks who move their lips while reading important reports on hurricanes and other outrages against Heartland (= white, irrespective...

Bristol Palin Wants Apology Phone Call From President Obama, NOW

Bristol Palin said a very important thing on the Internet, that you should know about. Basically, she heard this Obama guy is handing out apologies to ladies of ill-repute who get blasted by media fart hoses like Rush Limbaugh. You...

Obamacare Will Offer $1 Abortions, Say Crazy People

Aren't we lucky, dear Wonketteers? Obamacare hasn't even darkened the Supreme Court's doorstep (where, pro-tip, it will be voted down by the resident well-insured and sinecured octogenarians), and already opponents are rushing to instill fear into the hearts of...