Kaia Mursi
Do you remember the surreal “Susan B. Anthony and Frederick Douglass Prenatal Nondiscrimination Act of 2011,” the bill written in high-pitched banshee shrieks and designed to stem a fictional tide of sex- and race-based abortions? Remember how no one in real life — NO ONE — could figure out how the hell, exactly, this law [...]
Everyone hates the four big Republican presidential candidates! This is a Historical Fact, which, who knows, may already have made it into recently printed first-grade primers. BUT did you know that the degree to which a given voting individual intrinsically hates each GOP monster is mathemagically related to how long that individual has already had [...]
Crusted-over boil Pat Buchanan will no longer be fomenting all-out race war at MSNBC, he is sad to announce. In his latest syndicated column (HOW MANY MEDIA DID THIS PIECE OF OFFAL NEED?) which is, of course, hilariously titled “The New Blacklist,” Buchanan revealed he is finally leaving the network after ten productive and bigotry-filled [...]
Piers Morgan, a British subject paid to yell poshly at Americans by teevee, lured Rick Santorum away from his last four tax returns, and asked the current GOP front-runner to share his thoughts: on celebrity, on America, on what it is to be human. To Rick, “being human” means opining that this Brittni Hustun or [...]
As a notorious proponent of BIG (any) IDEAS that drift into his head due to its considerable gravitational pull, Newt Gingrich may have just found himself the best of all possible kindred spirits: ONE WHO GIVES YOU MONEY TO SAY IDEAS!!! That’s right. All Newt has to do is publicly and promiscuously glorify something called [...]
Good heavens, your Wonkette can barely keep up with the hijinx our moral police are getting themselves into, as they bedevil legislatures and statehouses nationwide. Seems they are hell-bent on sticking a finger into every possible pie — up to and including vagina pie! Take the Republican supermajority in the Virginia House of Delegates, for [...]
Well, well, well, would you look at that. America’s pointless Culture Wars continue, completely unabated by time or human decency. Ladies, and the happenings in and about their reproductive and erogenous zones, have hogged the media shine the past few weeks, what with Battle for Breast Cancer, and the Pope refusing to cough up one [...]
Please wish our little jewelry-debt piglet a fond and prolonged farewell, Wonketteers. Used to be that a satchel of Austrian Philharmonikers, the kind sold on Fox to unwitting olds, would appear by magick on Newt’s doorstep every morning, like clockwork. Newt would then exchange these coins for goods and services — often campaign-related! — in [...]
Didn’t you sort of feel like Herman Cain said he was just going out for a pack of smokes, and then we never heard from him again and somehow got stuck with his car note and a bunch of boring creepo ‘Washington insiders?’ Well, CAIN’S BACK, BABY. Just goes to show you can’t keep a [...]
As the undisputed loser of three crucial Republican head-on collisions this week, Mitt Romney can’t be blamed for turning his campaign into something of a fire sale. This is America, kiddos. ABC, Always Be CLOSING. Mitt is a businessman, allegedly, so he knows that if no one (literally!) is buying what you’re selling, well, it’s [...]
Cadaverous walking smirk Rick Santorum must still be high on endorphins from Tuesday’s surprise threesome in some meaningless/game-changing voting things. Having seen how turgid the prospects of Abortionplexes and FEMA-officiated gay marriage have been making conservative voters of late, Santorum is preparing a new front in the Culture Wars that, incidentally, also feed and shod [...]
According to the RNC’s Twitter droppings, handouts and giveaways are actually Patriotic, so long as they are given to wall-eyed fetus fetishists at CPAC and not the 670 million poors currently bankrupting the Federal treasury. Jim Newell, please enjoy your courtesy racist Barack Obama USB dongle! [RNC]
Silence, peons! A Job Creator is Speaking! This particular Employer is Tom Stemberg (just “Boss” to you) and he is alleged to have Created Jobs as a co-founder of Staples, a successful dispensary for overpriced printer ink. Stemberg, a Titan of Industry, is out and about, and raising some very interesting questions. (Let’s just get [...]
What can America ever do to make it up to Michele Bachmann? She gave up the ghost on her presidential aspirations (THIS TIME) after voters in Iowa ditched her for a robot, a frog, a sweater vest, and a belt with an onion tied to it. Wouldn’t you take this insult to your grave? Bachmann [...]
Would-be aborted black fetuses have found a new friend in Rep. Trent Franks (of Arizona, sigh) and the collected shiny-faced grinners of the House Republican caucus. A clever woods-goblin has planted into these congressmen’s heads the notion that “abortion is the leading cause of death in the black community,” and not the official NIH-sanctioned answer [...]
