Guess what your Barack Obama picked up in South America? Oh nothing, just a tae kwon do black belt given to him by South Korean President Lee Myung-bak, also a black belt. Barry posed for exactly one (1) photo in which he curled his fingers into a loose ball and raised his arm in a vague forward gesture, and now what, we’re just supposed to suddenly find him qualified to teach our kids martial arts after school?? Someone please award the belt posthumously to Ronald Reagan. [Top of the Ticket]

• Meet Harry Reid & the Senate’s Health Care Bill: $849 billion, 2,074 pages, no insurance for abortions or illegal immigrants, other characteristics, etc. [CNN]
• Despite really maxing out every copy editor’s patience with the word “contentious,” Hamid Karzai was sworn-in for another five-year term as President of Afghanistan.  [New York Times]
• Eric Holder took questions from 9/11 families about KSM’s trip to New York. [Washington Post]
• Obama wants to do a free-trade deal with South Korea. Give it a week after this thing goes through that “SKaFTA” is not the name of some 16-year-old’s Bouncing Souls cover band. [WSJ]
• Quarantining people isn’t doing much to stop swine flu from killing us all to death. [AP]
• Ireland will not be granted that Fifa World Cup playoff rematch, no matter how unfair the Irish justice minister thinks that handball thing was. [Guardian]

ATTN: Andrew Sullivan has postponed the Internet today. MORE »

“A MUST-READ ORGAN OF CONSERVATIVE OPINION”: this is how The Corner’s #1 accurate describer of things Rich Lowry characterizes Sarah Palin’s Facebook page, with those words right over there. The ones in caps. No, no, in black. The bold ones right above right here. There are like seven of them? Just keeping looking until you find them. [The Corner via Ben Smith]

Everyone very loudly but gently say “congratulations” to Sen. Robert Byrd, who became the longest-serving lawmaker in the history of Congress today. He’s like, “I look forward to serving you for the next 56 years and 320 days,” which is very gracious! Here’s this video of Robert Byrd playing the ancient instrument of “fiddle” back in the 1870s, when people would watch other people do “fiddle” on teevee for enjoyment. It’s like eight minutes long though, so just as with any old person thing, you can get away with turning it off after like 24 seconds and then saying that you love it. [HuffPost]

OBAMA IS THAT BRAGGY MACABRE GUY ON VACATION: “‘It’s magical,’ Mr. Obama said, walking down a ramp alone, his hands in his pockets. ‘It reminds you of the sweep of history and our time here on earth is not that long. We better make the best of it.’” [WSJ]

Oh good morning. Sleeping, we were? Perhaps spending time with family and friends? Those things do NOT sound like “thinking about Sarah Palin,” which means that for many of you, it has been two, even three hours since you have thought about Sarah Palin. Ha, hey look someone made a Going Rogue index and then uploaded it next to some JPGs of soldiers and cowboys! Well done. Since this same person also embedded a song terrible beyond all comprehension on the website, here are the interesting—Mick Jagger! “Issac,” the protagonist of Stephenie Meyer’s Bible series! Stapleton!—index terms, aggregated right here on your silent Wonkette. MORE »

• A lot of gynecologists and other lady and/or oncological doctors disagree completely with yesterday’s new things about mammography announcement. [New York Times]
• Obama admitted that Gitmo is not going to close by January. This makes keeping his promise to close Gitmo by January a considerably tenuous one. [Washington Post]
• Between fraud and anything having to do with Recovery.gov and cleverer types of fraud, the federal government managed to accidentally overpay $98 billion dollars last fiscal year. [CNN]
• The Somali pirates are like obsessed with this one US-flagged cargo ship, which they just attacked for the second time in seven months. Creepy. [AP]
• Obama’s admiration of the Great Wall of China can be seen from space. [WSJ]
• Meet Vaira Vike-Freiberga. Alias: VVF. Pedigree: Twice former president of Latvia. She is this lady running for president of Europe and she is so dope—read all of this: [Times Online]

“Faceless pundits talks around the issues, not about them…celebrity gossip passes as breaking news…and the liberal bias spewed by the mainstream media makes them like less like a public service and more like an extension of the White House Press Office.” Dates in Westbury, NY and Tampa are already sold out! People do not hesitates or you will has no choice but to listen to your faceless pundits talks around the issues. [Bold & Fresh Tour 2010]

Barbara Walters: So. You in this for the money or the Presidency?

Sarah Palin: Barbara it is impossible to say what will happen in 2012 because it’s going to happen in 2012. Ha, oh Barbara, don’t you understand? That’s the thing about the future: it’s in advance. MORE »

What is the most wasteful kind of big government stimulus spending of all? It is all the money that Obama allocated for places that don’t actually exist, like Arizona’s 15th district. (Seriously: “Arizona”!!) In fact, Recovery.gov listed a bunch of statistics about jobs that were created and saved in places that aren’t even real. “We report what the recipients submit to us,” said Ed Pound, Communications Director for the [Recovery] Board. Ha… oh, dear! Might be one less “job saved” in this Ed Pound’s congressional district, assuming either of those exist. MORE »