BEN NELSON WILL NOT INCUR THE PROMISED/FEARED WRATH OF YOUR WONKETTE: The Democratic Senator will vote “aye” on the health care bill, ergo the celebratory Americana disco accoutrement at left. “This weekend, I will vote for the motion to proceed to bring that debate onto the Senate floor. The Senate should start trying to fix a health care system that costs too much and delivers too little for Nebraskans.” Fine, Ben Nelson, you are excused from time-out. [Omaha World-Herald]

Yes yes yes yes. One million copies please. [Tea Party Movie]

That bespectacled Palin fangal, that one from the line the other day, is very taken aback at the liberal bias of facts! Recall Norah O’Donnell gently reminding this human-wearing t-shirt that, you know actually, Sarah Palin supported the bailout. “Where did you hear that?” this Jackie character demands to know, in earnest. It’s excruciating. Anyway, Jackie has some TUFF WORDS for sly Norah O’Donnell that she’s posted on her blog, “Red White and Conservative,” which actually appears to be nothing more than a poorly executed surrealist epistolary novel. MORE »

GOOD THING YOU ARE ON THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW, AND NOT IN A SEX POSITION: A polite congratulations offered from a distance to the city of Washington, D.C. today, which the CDC just named the country’s #1 gross hotspot for highest rate of STDs. D.C. STD rates are three times that of Virginia and four times that of Maryland. Who knew those Late Night Shots people were even still alive? [My Fox DC]

Hey heads up: PETA is offering to take whatever prison that Obama decides not use for terrorist collecting—Guantánamo, or that maximum security job in Thomson, IL that might be New Guantánamo—and turn it into a “All Living Beings Empathy Center.” It’d be symbolic as shit, right, because the Guantánamo human torture can be sort of tenuously conflated to what it’s like to be a farm animal? This is the idea. MORE »

• New controversial medical study ensures that cervical cancer will be the breast cancer of next week. One more’s a trendpiece! [New York Times]
• Members of Congress were very busy and shouty last night in trying to decide who they hated more: Obama or Geithner… [Washington Post]
• …while Catholic bishops easily picked Obama. [AP]
• Please do let the nebbishy hypochondriacs in your life know about the Vicks nasal spray recall. Or actually don’t. [CNN]
• Oprah the Human is self-canceling Oprah the Show in September 2011 so she can work on her own cable teevee station side-project. [WSJ]
• US citizens will probably not be allowed to visit Cuba again after all. By and large this should come as a huge relief to any Cuban familiar with American spring break cultural practices.. [The Hill]

Blogger Rick Klau’s friend is definitely Rudy Giuliani, noted small-town populist reformer. [Rick Klau via Ben Smith]

RedState’s #1 duosyllabic unisex clown Moe Lane has a lot of big feelings about the recent announcement that some panel now suggests women don’t have to get annual mammograms until they are 50. Now: Moe Lane isn’t an oncologist, nurse, researcher, lawyer, insurance company employee, or federal government employer per se, but he feels pretty confident that HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius’ recommendation that everyone ignore the panel’s findings is some sort of big government conspiracy thing, maybe, to secretly strengthen bureaucracy or something (?). So confident, in fact, that RedSate has a new proto-failed meme: “The War on Breasts.” MORE »

HOW COME GOD INVENTED RATIONAL THOUGHT UNLESS HE WANTED US TO SHOOT IT AND GRILL IT? “If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?” Going Rogue, page 133. [via Slate]

Watch Sarah Palin go on and on about Iraq in response to the question of what the US should do about Ahmadinejad and a nuclear Iran. She says “Iraq” twice, which, according to reality, is different from Iran, the country the Iranian President is the president of. Andrew Sullivan this fact’s already been checked! [the invaluable TPMtv]

Much like your Wonkette, Fox News also enjoys assigning comical file names to photographs. Although “Obama_WarCouncil_doomsday”? Ehh. A bit overwrought, as all those words mean the same thing. Thanks to URL Spy “Ryan L.” [monster; WarCouncil_doomsday; japan_monster]

UPDATE: Some Fox intern wrote in to Andrew Sullivan! Unlearn everything you thought you knew about FOX jpegs, stat. MORE »