Author Archives: Juli Weiner

Full Name: Juli Weiner Website:
Info: Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.
  wonkette foreign desk

Obama Offended Europeans Of All People, By Refusing To Go To Their Stupid Europe

Barack Obama is snubbing the European continent of Europe by declining to attend a US-EU summit in Europe’s Madrid. The Spanish Prime Minister spent all last night telling Obama how much he hated him, likely in Spanish: “The Spanish prime minister, José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero […] was described as angry and embarrassed, and European officials said there was a set of high-level diplomatic exchanges overnight.” Obama did not respond to any of Zapatero’s probable upside-down exclamation mark-laden text messages, because he’s like, I never said I was doing a semester abroad. Drama! Read more on Obama Offended Europeans Of All People, By Refusing To Go To Their Stupid Europe…
  daily briefing

Thank You, NYT, For Taking ‘The Revolution Will Be Televised’ Lede Away From The Rest Of The Internet

The Tea Party Convention thing in Nashville will be broadcast on teevee, for a reason that apparently exists. [New York Times] Abstinence-only education works after all, which means the government will probably deploy a slightly re-worked “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (Anything)” policy in our nation’s middle schools. [Washington Post] Read more on Thank You, NYT, For Taking ‘The Revolution Will Be Televised’ Lede Away From The Rest Of The Internet…
  a rhetorical nipple slip

Fox News Thing Major Garrett Gave Whore Recommendations, Via Twitter, During State Of The Union

Last night, during the State of the Union, Fox News’ Major Garrett accidentally showed his support for a Las Vegas-based consortium of whores via Twitter. See, he Tweeted: “To overcome the numbing weight of our politics” and other Obama SOTU excerpts http://bit.ly/d6W Wed 27 Jan 18:22.” Except this URL does not redirect to whatever inane thing he had open in the tab next to the whores thing! The link opened to the whores themselves, one half of whom is pictured above, picking a wedgie like a gross person. Read more on Fox News Thing Major Garrett Gave Whore Recommendations, Via Twitter, During State Of The Union…
  in space no one can hear you spin

People Who Visit Bill O’Reilly’s Website Love Barack Obama So Much

Although, you can tell it’s probably more of an A-, which is essentially just a B+ that wept in the professor’s office after class. Also, it so good the poll is set against the background of outer space, because of the word “scientific.” [Fox News/A+ for tipster “Melissa P.’s” first year as President of the United States] Read more on People Who Visit Bill O’Reilly’s Website Love Barack Obama So Much…
  something to do with 9/11

Liz Cheney’s Torture-Mongering PowerPoint Is The Only 100% Anti-Terrorism Thing That Exists

Keep America Safe, Liz Cheney’s blood-thirsty web-only hobbyhorse, has this new ad criticizing Barack Obama for his gay marriage to due process. Obama “read the Christmas Day bomber his Miranda Rights… instead of interrogating him.” Also something about Eric Holder not disclosing the location of Ground Zero (?). Oh but can you guess which White House Flickr Feed Foto was artfully re-purposed (re: slightly blurred) for this thing? Read more on Liz Cheney’s Torture-Mongering PowerPoint Is The Only 100% Anti-Terrorism Thing That Exists…
  the quiet american

Samuel Alito’s Rebellion Is *So* Derivative

Samuel Alito was on his absolute worst behavior last night, mouthing “not true, not true” when Obama criticized last week’s Supreme Court decision to allow corporations to download elections and politicians from iTunes. Anyway, sad thing for many South Carolinans today, when they eventually find out they cannot elect Samuel Alito. [TPMtv] Read more on Samuel Alito’s Rebellion Is *So* Derivative…
  things people care about

Intra-Tea Party Bitchiness Threatens Tea Party Slumber Party!

Everyone watch as the Tea Party’s national Tea Party Party next month slowly implodes as distrust, paranoia and insanity finally get the best of these distrustful, paranoid insane people. Everyone involved in the big Nashville summit (plateau?) suspects everyone else of trying to cheat someone else out of something, most of all Sarah Palin, whose $100,000 keynote speaking fee is a logical scapegoat in all this. And oh my god and one of the non-Erick Erickson ones learned the word “profiteering,” apparently. Read more on Intra-Tea Party Bitchiness Threatens Tea Party Slumber Party!…
  the only two options

THIS IS WHAT LATE-PERIOD HOPE LOOKS LIKE: “I’d rather be a really good one-term president than a mediocre two-term president,” Barack Obama tells Diane Sawyer. Anyway, if you had “Obama evidences a fundamental misunderstanding of his options” on your pre-SOTU drinking game, you win, or lose, or whatever. [ABC News] Read more on …
  daily briefing

Obama Makes Arrangements For Less Death, More Money

In his State of the Union Wednesday, Obama will announce a spending freeze for many of America’s domestic programs. As these programs do not include Lost, no one will care. [New York Times] Read more on Obama Makes Arrangements For Less Death, More Money…
  so true

Thomas Friedman: People Will Have Jobs When They Start Their Own Businesses And Hire *Themselves*

Poorly executed human mustache Thomas Friedman has a solution to our country’s unpopular “no jobs problem.” It involves like, everyone starting a business, right? But see the incentive (or “moral hazard”) is that everyone’s going to be selling products they invented themselves. “Obama should make the centerpiece of his presidency mobilizing a million new start-up companies that won’t just give us temporary highway jobs, but lasting good jobs that keep America on the cutting edge. The best way to counter the Tea Party movement, which is all about stopping things, is with an Innovation Movement, which is all about starting things.” If you have qualms, though, don’t have qualms! Thomas Friedman has already figured out where we’re going to get the child-aged middle schoolers (?) that are required for all new businesses. Read more on Thomas Friedman: People Will Have Jobs When They Start Their Own Businesses And Hire *Themselves*…
  some dead poets society shit

A PARAPHRASE OF HIS 2006 COLUMBIA COMMENCEMENT ADDRESS, PROBABLY: “How many fucking times do I have to go to fucking New York this week? How many fucking times can you fucking graduate from fucking Columbia?” – John McCain, biological father of Meg McCabe, Columbia ’07/Twitter ’10. (Game Change, p. 238.) In lumine Tipster “Dave P.” videbimus lumen! Read more on …
  tragic misnomers

The Liz Becton Incident’s Famous Anti-Hero, Liz Becton, Quits Or Maybe Is Fired!

POLITICO’s Click thing, the Sassy of POLITICO, is reporting that Liz “Liz” Becton has quit her job as Jim McDermott’s #1 emailer! Earlier this year, Liz was immortalized for three days when she sent 900 insane person emails to someone that called her by her name, which is Liz. Anyway, she’s gone now, so try to go about your day as normally as you can. [CLICK] Read more on The Liz Becton Incident’s Famous Anti-Hero, Liz Becton, Quits Or Maybe Is Fired!…
  ironic questions posed unironically!

Let’s Just Say It’s A Good Thing Scott Brown Is So Constantly Handsome And Naked

Scott Brown has no idea what he is doing. None. The problem is this: He did not anticipate being a US Senator! Here is his actual answer to the question of whether Obama’s administration has communication issues: “No, listen, when I spoke to the president, we had a lot of laughs, and I told him he has to keep his sense of humor. Even in my acceptance speech, I joked around because, you know, I’m a regular guy. I have a sense of humor. That’s one of the things that insulates me from a lot of the negativity.” Talking! It is Scott Brown’s Chappaquiddick. Read more on Let’s Just Say It’s A Good Thing Scott Brown Is So Constantly Handsome And Naked…
  ungratefulness

New Zealanders Won’t Fight Our War In Afghanistan With The Christ-Themed Guns We Gave Them

New Zealand, the “Australia of the South Pacific,” is very upset with the guns its troops are using in Afghanistan. The American-made guns feature inscriptions that refer to passages in the Bible. Reports the Washington Post: “Markings included ‘JN8:12,’ a reference to John 8:12: ‘Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, “I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.'” This is all part of our country’s famous “democratize by numbers” strategy for Afghanistan. Read more on New Zealanders Won’t Fight Our War In Afghanistan With The Christ-Themed Guns We Gave Them…
  scumbags with bowl-cuts

John Edwards Admits Paternity Of That Kid He Totally Fathered!

Well! John Edwards, he of corrupt temperament and “Scott Brown good looks,” announced this morning apropos of nothing that he is the father of his baby, John Edwards’ Baby. This admission follows a two-year bad-faith charade in which Edwards denied impregnating inconsequential Jay McInerney character Rielle Hunter. Turns out there’s a trashy-sounding Edwards campaign tell-all coming out next month, and Edwards wanted to beat Jay McInerney to the punch! Read more on John Edwards Admits Paternity Of That Kid He Totally Fathered!…
  daily briefing

Conan O’Brien Gets Ted Kennedy’s Old Senate Seat Too!

Everyone’s threatening Facebook statuses worked!! NBC will pay Conan O’Brien $33 million dollars, and he can go back home to the television in eight months. [Los Angeles Times] Obama has decided that our country’s commercial banks can’t be as big as they want or trade for their own accounts, which is a thing that’s problematic, because of economics. [New York Times] Read more on Conan O’Brien Gets Ted Kennedy’s Old Senate Seat Too!…
  none of the major networks are covering this!

Liveblogging Pundits Responding To An Election Without Exit Polls Part II

Hello, or “#avatar” to those of you playing along on Twitter, and welcome to the second half of this Senate race liveblog (“Ted Kennedy’s denouement”). Please see here, for the first part of the liveblog, and Twitter, for Twitter. Read more on Liveblogging Pundits Responding To An Election Without Exit Polls Part II…