A perfectly logical explanation for this, after the jump! MORE »

OH woah woah woah, Best Buy has wished Muslims a Happy Eid al-Adha, the Islamic festival of sacrifice during which Muslims are traditionally encouraged to donate to charity?? Uhh nice try. Free Republic will boycott Best Buy now, just cold won’t shop there anymore, maybe it’ll even go out of business, right? And when all those Best Buy employees lose their jobs, terrorism/Muslims will be FINITIO. MORE »

Keep America Safe, Liz Cheney’s exciting new social thing likely named after some mid-career Waugh novel or other, produced a very serious new work of cinéma vérité, for which Liz Cheney managed to round-up like 6 unhappy people and a piano who all make noises indicating their displeasure with Obama’s idea of transferring the Guantanamo people to the town of Standish, Michigan. Except so now Standish’s City Manager and a lot of people in Standish are making noises indicating their displeasure at Liz Cheney, exploitative lying monster. MORE »

Every single word, basically! [POLITICO]

• The government will run into trouble with its loans once the Fed raises interest rates and might even lose its new 7-bedroom townhouse in Phoenix. [New York Times]
• Pedophiles keep molesting children, despite ankle monitor tracking devices things that strongly suggest they consider doing otherwise. [Washington Post]
• Short-term radiation leak at Three Mile Island this weekend! Pennsylvania is nuclear-capable, which means serious thought must be given to bombing it. [CNN]
• 21 Filipino hostages, including the wife of a guy running for governor, were killed after a rival political gang hijacked their convoy. [AP]
• The Brazilian President invited Ahmadinejad to Brazil, which is something the US might be mad about even though Ahmadinejad goes to New York like constantly. [LA Times]
• Here is the theme of today’s copy of the Internet: this MTV person had a totes scandalous performance on the teenager show. Everyone please hope Andrew Sullivan proves Bristol Palin is a hologram. [MTV News]

BEN NELSON WILL NOT INCUR THE PROMISED/FEARED WRATH OF YOUR WONKETTE: The Democratic Senator will vote “aye” on the health care bill, ergo the celebratory Americana disco accoutrement at left. “This weekend, I will vote for the motion to proceed to bring that debate onto the Senate floor. The Senate should start trying to fix a health care system that costs too much and delivers too little for Nebraskans.” Fine, Ben Nelson, you are excused from time-out. [Omaha World-Herald]

Yes yes yes yes. One million copies please. [Tea Party Movie]

That bespectacled Palin fangal, that one from the line the other day, is very taken aback at the liberal bias of facts! Recall Norah O’Donnell gently reminding this human-wearing t-shirt that, you know actually, Sarah Palin supported the bailout. “Where did you hear that?” this Jackie character demands to know, in earnest. It’s excruciating. Anyway, Jackie has some TUFF WORDS for sly Norah O’Donnell that she’s posted on her blog, “Red White and Conservative,” which actually appears to be nothing more than a poorly executed surrealist epistolary novel. MORE »

GOOD THING YOU ARE ON THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW, AND NOT IN A SEX POSITION: A polite congratulations offered from a distance to the city of Washington, D.C. today, which the CDC just named the country’s #1 gross hotspot for highest rate of STDs. D.C. STD rates are three times that of Virginia and four times that of Maryland. Who knew those Late Night Shots people were even still alive? [My Fox DC]

Hey heads up: PETA is offering to take whatever prison that Obama decides not use for terrorist collecting—Guantánamo, or that maximum security job in Thomson, IL that might be New Guantánamo—and turn it into a “All Living Beings Empathy Center.” It’d be symbolic as shit, right, because the Guantánamo human torture can be sort of tenuously conflated to what it’s like to be a farm animal? This is the idea. MORE »

• New controversial medical study ensures that cervical cancer will be the breast cancer of next week. One more’s a trendpiece! [New York Times]
• Members of Congress were very busy and shouty last night in trying to decide who they hated more: Obama or Geithner… [Washington Post]
• …while Catholic bishops easily picked Obama. [AP]
• Please do let the nebbishy hypochondriacs in your life know about the Vicks nasal spray recall. Or actually don’t. [CNN]
• Oprah the Human is self-canceling Oprah the Show in September 2011 so she can work on her own cable teevee station side-project. [WSJ]
• US citizens will probably not be allowed to visit Cuba again after all. By and large this should come as a huge relief to any Cuban familiar with American spring break cultural practices.. [The Hill]