Uhh, question of immense literary and historical importance: What does Sarah Palin’s departure from politics mean for Sarah Palin’s nascent book about being involved in politics? Probably nothing! Recall back to May: HarperCollins proudly announced that it would be publishing Palin’s book about bein’ a soccer mom and bein’ a hockey governor and bein’ a mom to a transgendered pitbull, and whatever else, doesn’t even matter, because they paid her ~one billion dollars for the privilege of distributing her words to the American public. So will HarperCollins publish Sarah Palin’s book about being governor that afternoon she was governor on a dare, or will they force her to write about … whatever it is she plans to do that she thinks will affect political change more than being paid to affect political change (cuckolding Todd with Argentinian Todd,T erencio, on a sandmobile??)? MORE »

Cryptofascist warblog The Politico has won the long weekend (and, by retroactive default, the Revolutionary War) with their crucial SCOOP on Obama’s weird obsession with pronouncing proper nouns—names of places he’s visiting, names of people he’s speaking to, that sort of thing—in the way in which they are actually intended to be pronounced. Quoth Politico’s Carol “Robert” E. Lee:  “In Obama’s view, pronouncing someone’s name or hometown correctly is a simple way of showing respect.” This is called Obamanomics, and it’s foreclosing America’s jobs. MORE »

How are you celebrating Jeff Goldblum and Bill Pullman’s victory over the aliens? Wonkette recommends indulging in such earthly freedoms as “third parties,” hallucinogens, and atypical products of M.F.A. programs! Ralph Nader will be around to answer your questions, and Reif Larsen will be around, to tactfully evade your advances. There’s also more, so much more. MORE »

Mark Sanford! You might remember this guy from a few days ago, when he cruelly Michael Jackson ex machina’ed what was supposed to be the Summer of Becton. His insane emails were of a more pornographic persuasion than those of Becton, so out of obligation to democracy, all of America’s GChat statuses then changed to reference Sanford. Alas! Tables turned again, with Michael Jackson playing the role of “Michael Jackson,” and everyone forgot about Mark Sanford and his Argentinian inamorata. That about brings us up to speed, to today, when Sanford and Sons and Wife took separate cars to some Faulknerian Camp David, which is, according to Sanford, symbolic of why Sanford is not resigning from his governorship or his marriage. In fact, according to a one “Tom Davis,” who controls all South Carolina politics from his Michael Crichton-themed masturbatorium under Sanford’s porch, SC lawmakers are looking to Jenny Sanford for clues about how angry they should be, at Mark, for cheating.  MORE »

That Clean Energy and Security Act that Congress was so sure it passed yesterday? Nice try commies, it’s basically still in galley form! The Examiner’s SCOOP reveals there’s a 300 page “manager’s amendment” that hasn’t been edited into the official 1,090 page copy of the bill, which all members of Congress have read and would be 100% prepared to answer essay questions about, provided they know the essay topic beforehand and can use their notes.

Anyway, the Corner finds this all very typical, of hippies. And also asks, sagely: what is the hurry anyway? Right, it’s like, where’s the fire, you guys? Besides California and most rain forests and at this point probably the Arctic? Ha ha. If Democrats cared about the environment so much there’s no way they would be spending 1300+ sheets of paper to say so. MORE »

Wonkette recently deployed its own correspondent to Iran. What follows is her report. Names have been changed “because of the definition of anonymity.”  

Hi ya’ll! I’m so honored to be here with all the world-renowned Iranians. As a daughter, and as a Republican woman who is both a fiscal and social Democrat, I feel I am well prepared for my new anonymous position as Wonkette’s Anonymous Tehran Youth Correspondent Executive Bureau Chief. In case you haven’t been following the news through Twitter or Daily Candy, there was just an election here, in Iran, for President. Now, because of the definition of anonymity, I can’t say too too much about how, but I know things about presidential elections. Lots of things. Things that would make you say to me, “Listen, Mawiyah, you should be the first girl to cover a presidential election with a blog.” And you would be absolutely right to say that. I should be. And I was. But I don’t want to say too much.  MORE »

Recall last summer: it was the summer of Joseph O’Neill’s Netherland, the most important book liked by people wearing the most important-looking glasses. It seems O’Neill has journeyed from that wire-rimmed menagerie of the psyche to Politics & Prose, where all such odysseys of the soul must, and do, eventually terminate. Plus, David Makovsky is a gentleman who will be arguing that some of the US’s terrible Middle East policies really came about because of “miscommunications.” Obviously this is terrific news, as it is written in the Social Contract that if a problem occurs because of a Miscommunication, alcohol or a lack of cell phone reception, then no party can be held accountable, for anything. Twitter.com/socialcontract (1762), by Rousseau. Look it up. MORE »

Why is the state of Missouri punishing our nation’s most community service-oriented neo-Nazis with irony? Last year some members of Missouri’s National Socialist Movement adopted a highway, like a Girl Scout troop or whatever does all the time without any problems, except that since they are Nazis and not Girl Scouts, certain issues arose. But you know what? The Missouri Nazis loved that highway as if it were of their own, pure, Aryan blood. But what is Missouri trying to do now, after the Missouri Nazis have been cleaning the thing four times a year? Rename it after some rabbi, a known Jew (!), who escaped from their ancestors, the Actual Nazis, during history’s famous incident, the Holocaust. MORE »

Histrionic personality disorder heiress Meghan McCain joined Bill Maher and Friends on the Bill Maher comedy program last night. First Daughter, First Love remains mercifully unghostwritten as of yet, so why is beautiful young Meg McCabe such a commanding presence on America’s teevee programs and digital news traditions as of late? Verily, a mystery! The Bill Maher comedy show doesn’t know either, as evidenced by the producers’ exquisitely accurate description of our gal’s qualifications, pictured above. Dumb Matt Yglesias must be “in” with the HBO web interns! MORE »

Sup friends? Welcome to Thursdays, welcome to magazines, etc. Today it’s INTERN’S CHOICE, as it is your Intern Juli’s last day here at Wonkette (for the time being??)—and of course, with respect to our current understandings of the terms “Intern”, “Juli” and “Wonkette.” Cliff-hanger!

Anyway: back to the Atlantic, which is your Intern’s Choice, because they’ve published another one of their famous Let’s Do Something Zeitgeisty! Issues. And the centrifugal force powering our round table today? Happiness. MORE »

• Gay marriage is not legal in New Hampshire after all, thanks to its House of Democrats who were all, ehh no thanks, apparently. [Reuters]
• Newt Gingrich has admitted to having “fantasies” about being the GOP nominee in 2012. Except: are these alleged fantasies a ploy to boost book sales, or do they perhaps relate to something sexual-like, involving his wife, a one Callista Gingrich? Maybe!/ew! [Daily Intel]
• Not to be outdone by Barack Obama, the President, Dick Cheney will also be giving a talk about National Security tomorrow, because… his standing as… current Vice President… presupposes his ability to influence policy… [Gawker]
• Eric Holder is not going to let Congress or whatever ruin Barry’s plans to close down Gitmo. [First Read]