John Schoenkopf

11 POSTS 0 COMMENTS
John Schoenkopf likes geography. johns@wonkette.com

Recipe Hub! Make These Way Easy Grape And Brie Quesadillas NOM NOM NOM

You will need: Flour Tortillas (fuck you, I know they suck, eat a choad b/c they work in this recipe) Green grapes (not under UFW boycott since the '80s) Brie cheese (do not eat if your name is Bree, since cannibalism etc.) EVOO...

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: US Will Soon Insure As Many Of Its Citizens As Does Rwanda

Donald Draper, er, Dick Whitman, um, John Boehner! loves to go on the tube with his drunk, tan face, and say that America has the "finest health care system in the world." Do we really, though, Boehner? Hells...

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: U.S. Plotting Nostalgic Military Return To Vietnam

When Obama said our military would leave the Middle East and focus on the Pacific Region, he probably wasn't kidding. Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta was in Vietnam the other day laying the groundwork for what will be America's...

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Which Five Bloody Dictators Deserve A Date With The Hague?

International Justice Alert: Charles Taylor was sentenced this week by the Hague to serve 50 years in a British Slammer for his heinous acts that he says were done "with honour." He's expected to appeal, but chances are he...

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: You’ve Come A Lilongwe, Malawi!

Malawi has come a Lilongwe in a short time. Last month, longtime autocrat Bingu wa Mutharika died at the ripe age of 78, leaving, gasp, a vacuum of leadership! Enter Joyce Banda. She'd been deposed from Mutharika's government, yet...

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Our Favorite Cold War

Our favorite war right now is definitely India vs. Pakistan up on a glacier in the Himalayas, but it might be coming to an end. For those few who don't know, India has been actually at war with Pakistan...

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Let’s Cold War With The Soviets Over The Arctic Circle!

It's getting warm again, which means it's time for for the polar ice caps to start melting, and for glorious Northwest Passages to open up everywhere, and for shipping and extraction and all things industrial to bloom. The boat ride...

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Congrats On Getting Rid Of Your War Criminal, Liberia!

World renowned sicko and former Liberian prez Charles Taylor is the first head of state to be convicted by an international tribunal since the Nuremberg Trials after World War II. (Nah guys, Pinochet was just Spain.) Who says that...

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Where Will Billionaires Propose To Each Other If The Maldives Are Gone?

Just as the world gets set to add a new nation, an archipelago in the Indian Ocean finds itself up next on the extinction list. The resort owners of the Maldives, alleged financiers of a coup there this February,...

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: What We Missed In Cartegena While We Made Our Groupon Twitter Jokes

From the US perspective, the Summit of the Americas was super awkward this past week, and that's not even counting that Secret Service thing (goodness gracious!). No, it was also awkward because everyone disagreed with us, about everything, ALL WEEKEND...

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Everyone Welcome Newest Sort Of Country ‘Azawad’!

You remember Mali, right? That landlocked country in Western Africa? Well the northern two-thirds of it have seceded and Your Wonkette would like to be among the first to officially recognize its sovereignty and open diplomatic relations, as so...